I Swear, I’m alive!!
I understand if you never want to talk to me again 😦 I pretty much fell off the face of the (blog)planet for the past week, as I was studying my little behindddd off for zoology 101 & attempting to still be relatively social. I’ve been reading your blogs but commenting has been lacking big time
I appreciated all your feedback SO MUCH on my last post. It means so much to me that so many of you support me and it really makes me 100% sure that I did the right thing by choosing to recover, and even blog! Basically, you all are the best people ever.
Reminder: I got a formspring!! ask away 🙂
I feel like there is so much to catch you all up on & SO LITTLE TIME (more like space) but I have been doing pretty well! I am nearly at my goal weight (as in about a pound away..which is like nothing) & so I am now allowed to do 20 minutes of cardio three times a week and some moderate weight lifting!
I feel 1000 x more “normal“ with my eating habits & behaviors, but body image is still a huge struggle for me.
I’m not sure where to start with this post because I feel RIDICULOUSLY out of the loop, but I will show you some of my pictured eats from the week
I’ve been snackinn quite a bit- here is one of my snacks
& my new love… ICED COFFEE. amaze.
(bad picture oops)
I feel like i’m the last person on the planet to not be on spring break (LOL) but next Thursday I go home for it! I am going to Arizona then LA With my family.. .so excited!! My mom & I have tickets to the Price is Right (my fav game show EVER) and so that’ll be soo fun!
I can’t believe that after spring break i have about 6 weeks left of school. This year has gone by with the snap of a finger, its crazy.
What did you do for spring break if you had one/what are you going to do?
I have been doing well, but now that I am at my weight I am stressed about the idea of “maintaining.”
My doctor that I see here in Madison talked about how soon I hopefully won’t really be on a meal plan and I will just hopefully be at a place where I can just eat when I am hungry and eat enough.
I responded, “Wow, actually just eating when hungry. What a concept.” we laughed but seriously, it is crazy how scared that makes me! I don’t know if I trust myself to know when i am hungry and to know exactly how much I need. It shouldn’t be so complicated. I hate that my eating disorder has caused me to make food so much more important than it actually is. I really believe in the motto eat to live, don’t live to eat. Food thoughts have DEFINITELY decreased but I still feel like I place an elevated emphasis on the importance of food.
I truly believe that half the battle is conquered. I’m healthy & I don’t have really any physical symptoms anymore but the battle is NOT over. I’m not sure what normal is, and I believe I will always be more health-conscious than the average joe, but I know that I still have thoughts of restricting and I get nervous when i’m not sure what my “food plan” is. (those things aren’t really normal)
I also have been struggling with dealing with guilt after indulging. I’m in college & I go out and end up late night eating a lot on the weekends. On the one hand, I am glad I am able to do this because this is pretty normal but at the same time it is really frustrating because in the moment it is all fun & good but the next day I feel incredibly guilty.
All of this adds to my fear of being out of control– control is what this whole disorder boils down to anyways, right?
But you know what? The important thing is i’m happier than ever and despite the challenges that lie ahead, I feel so incredibly lucky!
Anyways, I hope you’ll accept me back into the blogworld- I can’t wait to catch up you all your lives!!
1) If you’re recovered how did you deal with transitioning from a structured meal plan to intuitive eating & maintaining?
2) Do you deal with guilt after indulgence? How do you respond?
3) What is new?!!? I want to hear about your lives. please do share.