I’m Alive!!

21 Mar

I Swear, I’m alive!!

I understand if you never want to talk to me again 😦 I pretty much fell off the face of the (blog)planet for the past week, as I was studying my little behindddd off for zoology 101 & attempting to still be relatively social. I’ve been reading your blogs but commenting has been lacking big time :\

I appreciated all your feedback SO MUCH on my last post. It means so much to me that so many of you support me and it really makes me 100% sure that I did the right thing by choosing to recover, and even blog! Β Basically, you all are the best people ever.

Reminder: I got a formspring!! ask away πŸ™‚

I feel like there is so much to catch you all up on & SO LITTLE TIME (more like space) but I have been doing pretty well! I am nearly at my goal weight (as in about a pound away..which is like nothing) & so I am now allowed to do 20 minutes of cardio three times a week and some moderate weight lifting!

I feel 1000 x more “normal with my eating habits & behaviors, but body image is still a huge struggle for me.

I’m not sure where to start with this post because I feel RIDICULOUSLY out of the loop, but I will show you some of my pictured eats from the week

I’ve been snackinn quite a bit- here is one of my snacks

Kefir, Rice Cake, & peanut butter!

Brown rice california rolls from the Fresh Market

Freakin gooood salad bar from the Fresh Market πŸ™‚ loove.

Breakfasts that are oh so chocolatey and deliciouss.

breakfasts that just look really pretty πŸ™‚

amaazing lunches that i love. turkey & cream cheese wrap, pretzels & special k crackers, apple & bigass salad.

breakfast in the cafeteria– 1 packet oats, plain yogurt, marshmallow oaties (i brought some), strawberries & naners, & SKIPPY peanut butter (LOVE)

& my new love… ICED COFFEE. amaze.

a pretty legit Quizno’s dinnerasian chicken salad, bbq lays & KOMBUCHA..yay

& a pretty cute Saint Patty’s day outfit with amaaazing weather!!!

(bad picture oops)

I tried.

I feel like i’m the last person on the planet to not be on spring break (LOL) but next Thursday I go home for it! I am going to Arizona then LA With my family.. .so excited!! My mom & I have tickets to the Price is Right (my fav game show EVER) and so that’ll be soo fun!

I can’t believe that after spring break i have about 6 weeks left of school. This year has gone by with the snap of a finger, its crazy.

What did you do for spring break if you had one/what are you going to do?

I have been doing well, but now that I am at my weight I am stressed about the idea of “maintaining.”

My doctor that I see here in Madison talked about how soon I hopefully won’t really be on a meal plan and I will just hopefully be at a place where I can just eat when I am hungry and eat enough.

I responded, “Wow, actually just eating when hungry. What a concept.” we laughed but seriously, it is crazy how scared that makes me! I don’t know if I trust myself to know when i am hungry and to know exactly how much I need. It shouldn’t be so complicated. I hate that my eating disorder has caused me to make food so much more important than it actually is. I really believe in the motto eat to live, don’t live to eat. Food thoughts have DEFINITELY decreased but I still feel like I place an elevated emphasis on the importance of food.

I truly believe that half the battle is conquered. I’m healthy & I don’t have really any physical symptoms anymore but the battle is NOT over. I’m not sure what normal is, and I believe I will always be more health-conscious than the average joe, but I know that I still have thoughts of restricting and I get nervous when i’m not sure what my “food plan” is. (those things aren’t really normal)

I also have been struggling with dealing with guilt after indulging. I’m in college & I go out and end up late night eating a lot on the weekends. On the one hand, I am glad I am able to do this because this is pretty normal but at the same time it is really frustrating because in the moment it is all fun & good but the next day I feel incredibly guilty.

All of this adds to my fear of being out of control control is what this whole disorder boils down to anyways, right?

But you know what? The important thing is i’m happier than ever and despite the challenges that lie ahead, I feel so incredibly lucky!

Anyways, I hope you’ll accept me back into the blogworld- I can’t wait to catch up you all your lives!!

Questions:

1) If you’re recovered how did you deal with transitioning from a structured meal plan to intuitive eating & maintaining?

2) Do you deal with guilt after indulgence? How do you respond?

3) What is new?!!? I want to hear about your lives. please do share.

xoxoxoxoxox,

Shelleyβ™₯

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73 Responses to “I’m Alive!!”

  1. learningtocookeatandenjoydeliciousfood March 21, 2010 at 2:24 pm #

    I know how hard it is to worry about whether or not you will be able to just eat when you are hungry and stop when your full, but I can assure you that those feelings of hunger and fullness will return. I hope that you stick to some kind of meal plan so that you can use it as a reference on days when you arent feeling the hunger cues as much, but I am sure that you will rock recovery and I hope the last few weeks of school go quickly!! πŸ™‚

  2. Morgan @ Healthy Happy Place March 21, 2010 at 2:26 pm #

    It wasn’t very hard for me to switch from the meal plan to just eating normally…because the meal plan is basically a “normal” way of eating already! I just followed my hunger cues, and if they weren’t there, I forced myself to eat anyway.

    Pretty soon you won’t even think about a structured meal plan. i honestly don’t anymore

  3. Annie March 21, 2010 at 2:28 pm #

    you inspire me so much πŸ™‚

  4. Lauren March 21, 2010 at 2:46 pm #

    OMG GRIL!!!! This is the best news ever!!!!!!! I am so thrilled for you and you have no idea how happy my heart is right now.

    Congratulations! You are incredible and you’ve totally proved that happiness and health are two things that should never be disconnected in ones life.

    You look amazing, you feel amazing, and your beauty is just shining with joy. Love you girl!

  5. Danielle March 21, 2010 at 2:48 pm #

    Girl there’s no need to apologize for living life!! College comes first πŸ™‚

    I’m glad you’re back!

  6. Ashlei March 21, 2010 at 2:54 pm #

    Welcome back girl!!! πŸ™‚
    xoxo

  7. Anna March 21, 2010 at 2:54 pm #

    Girl that ruffle dress is SLAMMIN. so cute!!

    So when I first got some free rein, I lost five pounds, because my “intuition” was still effed up, and I took it a little too far with working out. Not good. THEN…like 6 months later…when my weight was back to normal again, it was summer, and there was a variety and abundance of fresh food around. That, and starting yoga that summer, really inspired me. I also started exercising with a healthier mind, and exercise really helped stimulate my appetite. But at the end of the day, I was just READY to be ED free, and the year of therapy gave me the tools to keep it up by myself.

    I still struggle with guilt sometimes, but I try really hard not to compensate with slaving away at the gym or cutting back. In fact, I try to continue eating as normal. As a result, I’ll still be full at the end of the day and then less likely to overindulge again (I’ll still indulge though, because let’s face it, I love to indulge everyday! haha). If my overindulgence has me feeling really shitty physically, I’ll eat a lot of fresh fruit and drink a kombucha. It’s really refreshing and recharging. But allowing yourself to eat with your friends late at night or whatever is a NORMAL behavior. If everyone is sitting around a bowl of tortilla chips or oreos, than yeah, I’ll help myself (though I don’t order full meals like calzones at like 2 am like my friends do, probably because I eat full meals during the day). It’s part of eating and food’s social ties.

    such a looooonnnnnnnggggg comment omg!! But yeah to answer part three I am winding down my spring break today. boo!!

    Keep up your recovery. You are so amazing, I know you can do it!!!!

  8. theemptynutjar March 21, 2010 at 3:05 pm #

    what a great post and great food. and u look beautiful.
    i know what u mean…i am never ever hungry…i eat by the clock…so i wonder what its ever going to be like to just eat…like i have not been hungry in years..and i cannot imagine what it is like to be normal, so its all really weird.
    but u will champion thru i am sure!

  9. Lauren @ BIOCHEMISTA March 21, 2010 at 3:44 pm #

    Hiiiii doll πŸ™‚

    Welcome back ma love. Sooo glad things are going well for you, you deserve it πŸ™‚ I think a good way to realize when/what to eat, is to listen to your body (and stomach) and not your head. They won’t steer you wrong.

    PS…You look FABBBB in your pics!!! πŸ™‚ Love ya!

    xoxoxox,

    Lauren

  10. homecookedem March 21, 2010 at 4:12 pm #

    Missed you!! Glad to hear that you’re doing so well!! πŸ™‚ Your breakfast with the heart in it is soooo pretty!! As are you in all of the pics!! πŸ˜‰

  11. Gina G March 21, 2010 at 4:24 pm #

    hey Shelley! once again i am soooo happy for you! you truly don’t know how much you radiate and how much hope you give girls. I myself have not ever had a meal plan which im not sure was what was best for me or not, but im positive you will figure everything out. You have your heart by the reigns, gertrude has got nothin on you =)

  12. Hedda March 21, 2010 at 4:35 pm #

    Oh, how lovely you wrote a post, haha. Seriously, I just get such a energy-boost from seeing how you have come such a far way on the road to recovery.
    I recognize the fear of maintaining. I have failed to do that once before, ehn I have managed to binge myself 20 kg up to a healthy weight. Unfortunately I did not get proper help, and relapsed back to eating carrots and over-training, loosing all those healthy kilos.
    At the moment I am FAR from being at a healthy weight, but this time I am getting help from a therapist who says she will not let me go until I have maintained my healthy weight for a year.
    I must learn that even “normal” persons need food several times a day, it is not only underweight people who should snack now and then.

    And for the guilt part- yes. But that is my eating disorder talking, because I feel guilty every time I am what other people will call “satisfied”, in other words : each time I have eaten what my ED consider “too much”.

  13. ellie March 21, 2010 at 5:15 pm #

    Glad you updated- I don’t often comment but I’ve been reading your blog for aaaaaaaaages and always wonder how you are doing. I think transitioning to a less structured meal plan is always scary, but really…it isn’t so all or nothing. You get support to experiment a little with more intuitive approach, etc. Sounds like with late nights, etc, you are getting a taste of it already. Also, I think the thought of doing it is harder than it really is. Your body DOES know what it needs and as long as you are in tune with yourself and checking in to see what you need and when, it shouldn’t be too different from what you eat now. That’s the amazing thing about exchange plans- it’s easier to transition because before you reach that stage, you can play around a little with moving exchanges if/when you feel like stepping out of the “safety zone” a little, you know? Good luck…xxx

  14. glidingcalm March 21, 2010 at 5:22 pm #

    we missed you!!

    i love your dress in the last picture!! πŸ˜€

  15. Kim March 21, 2010 at 5:29 pm #

    Welcome back! Love all the pictures πŸ™‚

    To answer your questions…

    1. For me, transitioning from a structured meal plan to intuitive eating has been a gradual process. My meal plan used to say exactly what I would eat, every day. I went from that to knowing I could pick from a list of appropriate meals/snacks depending on what I felt like. That feels like experimenting in intuitive eating to me. When I’m stressed, I fall back on that to make sure I’m eating enough. What I’ve done recently is to use weekends as “free time.” I eat according to what I want and see how that goes. Sometimes, I eat too little, and sometimes I eat a bit more than I probably need, but I’ve maintained the same weight for ages. I’m actually looking to bump it up just to make sure I’m as healthy as possible (and so my butt looks better in jeans. What can I say?).

    2. I still have guilt after indulgence. Actually, I don’t feel guilty unless I’m overfull. Sometimes, I’ll have a rich dessert but it hits the spot and I feel fine physically, so I’m fine emotionally with that. If I feel stuffed, I get uncomfortable. I try to tell myself that the next day, I hit the reset button and move forward. I don’t use the previous day’s eating patterns to dictate what I have the next day. Each day is like independent. That works for me.

  16. julia March 21, 2010 at 5:31 pm #

    Girl, I love to read this post. I think it’s so great you acknowledge the fact that it’s still a ‘thin line’ and you still have to work hard, because that’s so true and so important. But you also realize you’ve come a long way and I’m so proud of all your progress and you’re so strong. I know you can and will do great these next steps in recovery. Just stay honest, have faith and trust and know things will turn out well… more than well, they will turn out great. Look at the beautiful you now:)!

    Stay strong girl, you know I’m always there for you right?!

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  17. Kate March 21, 2010 at 5:34 pm #

    i love the heart on your oats! and i kombucha and iced coffee are my two beverage splurges 😦 I seriously don’t want to know how much money I spend on them each week.

    enjoy the last few weeks of school!

  18. Emily March 21, 2010 at 6:29 pm #

    no worries, girl. school can take up a lot of time! the important thing is that you are maintaining your sanity πŸ™‚

    glad to hear you are doing so well! almost meeting your goal weight is such a milestone.

    xoxo

  19. usfmeg25 March 21, 2010 at 6:33 pm #

    Shelley,

    I’ve been struggling with the same issue – of pushing back my feelings of guilt after I “over indulge.” I wish I could offer you some words of advise, but I can’t. Do you think you’re really over indulging or does ED think you’re over indulging? I have to be honest though, I do feel somewhat “normal” when I do allow myself to go out on the weekends, have fun, and “over indulge.” lol I know when I’m keep into my eating disorder, I isolate. I WILL not go out.. I WILL not allow myself to have fun, and I WILL not see anyone. Even my husband. I know i know! So bad. It’s wrong. But that’s the eating disorder you know. It sucks.

    I know you’re scared about transitioning to a maintenance meal plan. But you’re so incredibly strong. I know you can do it and I know you’ll totally kick butt!

    Megan

  20. janet March 21, 2010 at 6:34 pm #

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while and find it so inspiring and fresh, and congrats on almost hitting your goal weight!

    Most of the people I know experience guilt after an indulgence. In my dorm, every Wednesday night there is thing called “Happy Hour” where foods like bagels, cookies, muffins, pastries, chips, brownies and more are all put out for everyone to eat. After happy hour, most of my friends feel guilty about what they ate, and it’s not ED related at all. To feel some form of guilt after over indulging is a natural thing, I believe, so don’t think of yourself in a bad way after you indulge because it happens to the best of us, and you’re not alone.
    Honestly when I feel guilt after indulgence, it calms me to know that i may feel guilty now but tomorrow it will all be forgotten, and knowing the indulgence was worth it also helps, I will never feel guilty snacking on crackers and nutella at 2am with my roommate because its so good, only happens once in a while, and its worth it… does that make sense?

    anyway this post was amazing!

  21. *Andrea* March 21, 2010 at 7:28 pm #

    great post! you look so gorgeous and happy πŸ™‚ i’m sure times are still tough with drinking and eating that late night slice of pizza or mozz sticks?? haha i have a hard time with this too. i think it’s best to not anticipate things too much, regarding maintenance. just think about it as you are now healthy, and no longer in need of nourishment because your body is in pain. instead it is for fuel and sometimes for fun! take it day by day πŸ˜€

  22. imaginenamaste March 21, 2010 at 7:47 pm #

    My nutritionist wants to me to read the mindful eating book and workbook soon to start to just listen to my body! I ordered them, I can’t wait for them to come in!
    I love your yogurt heart πŸ™‚

  23. Jennifer March 21, 2010 at 8:18 pm #

    Just wanted to tell you that I really appreciated this post. I am also learning to let go of my need to meal-plan, calorie-watch and basically hypercontrol my eating. I am learning that my body knows what it needs. It wants to be active and strong and healthly, it does not want to sabotage me or destroy me from the inside out. The only way you can learn to trust your body, is by giving it choices. Thanks again!

  24. beccaandspice March 21, 2010 at 8:26 pm #

    girl, we would NEVER disown you just for studying! studying is good! and this bloggie is for you sweetie — if you can’t update, no sweat! life moves on, and we will be here waiting for you when you return :] so proud of you for making it to your goal weight!! that is fantastic. i’m definitely not there yet, but i think if it is stressing you out to transition from meal plan to intuitive eating, you don’t necessarily have to. you can go on a maintenance meal plan :] there are loads of options!!
    stay strong love ❀ you are beautiful.

  25. Jennifer March 21, 2010 at 8:51 pm #

    I really understand what you mean when you say it’s hard to go by the rule of eat when your hungry and stop when your full. I’m going to write a post soon about how people associate the time on the clock with being hungry or not hungry. When we see 12 p.m. we automatically think it’s lunch time and we should eat, even if say we ate a late breakfast and are actually not hungry at all. It can also work in the reverse way. If we are hungry at 10 p.m. a night we think, it’s not dinner time, therefore we deprive ourselves of needed nutrients. If you keep your mind on the wonderful blessings in your life, your friends, your family and your life goals, thinking about food will diminish because you are doing what you said earlier, eating to live, not living to eat. Enjoy your future Spring Break!

  26. Amanda @ . seek . March 21, 2010 at 9:10 pm #

    I can definitely relate to feeling guilty after indulging. You just have to keep telling yourself that you deserve the indulgence… that life is about being able to enjoy good food without feeling guilty for it. I know how foreign the concept of eating for pleasure can be after the restriction of an ED and then the mechanical eating of recovery, but when it comes down to it, food is supposed to taste good and make us feel good. It can add so much pleasure to life if we just let it. Try focusing on the positive feelings of enjoyment you get from indulgences instead of the negative ones of guilt πŸ™‚

  27. highonhealthy March 21, 2010 at 9:20 pm #

    You’re baaack! Don’t worry about not posting for a week, I did the same thing and it’s perfectly okay. Life is just getting in the way which is a GOOD thing. πŸ™‚

    I feel guilty after indulging, all.the.time. The thing is, I’ve found that just thinking about quieting my mind, taking sloooow breaths, and realizing that I’m beautiful and happy just the way I am.. well, I’ve found that that helps a lot.

    You’re so brave and strong that I KNOW that when you stop using the meal plans, you’ll do just fine. I believe in you. πŸ™‚

  28. Molly March 21, 2010 at 9:20 pm #

    School should come first as well as socializing! I am glad you are being studious and being a social butterfly. Your picture in the green shirt is absolutely adorable.. it is a very cute outfit! I LOVE green.

    I know it is hard to not feel guilty after a night of going out and indulging, but usually when I am feeling down/guilty over what was consumed previously I realize I cannot change it, it has been done, and so it is a waste of time to think/dwell on it because I cannot change/undo what has been done. Plus, I also think a little indulging does the body good once in awhile (at least 1 time a week). Keep my metabolism on its toes! haha

    I am so excited for you to almost not require a meal plan that is so BIG! how exciting

    xoxo Molls

  29. Molly March 21, 2010 at 9:26 pm #

    all your eats look SO good! and have tons of fun in arizona and LA- you’ll have a blast!

    xo-Molly
    http://www.givinganythingbutup.wordpress.com

  30. kbwood March 21, 2010 at 9:26 pm #

    HEY SWEET HEART!!
    i know its hard not to feel guilty, but you are still the same little shelley after you indulge! it seriously does NOTHING to our bodies, and we are NO different after! its so good to do stuff like that in moderation girl! and switching to intuitive eating-heres my thing.. sometimes when we “try to be intuitive” we eat LESS and LESS..then you start losing, so you need to be careful! (not that im saying you cant do it!) i DO have a general idea of whats going into my body (no counting but i do pay attention) to make SURE i get enough and dont back track, cause the more we back track, the more we are damaging our bodies and metabolisms! so proud of you sweet girl! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!

  31. Jenna March 21, 2010 at 10:08 pm #

    So glad you are back posting!
    That is awesome you are only one pound away- you have come so far in recovery πŸ™‚
    Turkey and cheese sounds great together!
    I has spring break weeks ago and in a week and a half i have spring break!
    Control is defs what this disorder is about!!
    I hear what you are saying about eating to maintain and eating when you are hungry with out following a meal plan! Sounds so weird!! Haha
    keep it up and I will text ya soon πŸ˜‰
    Jenna xoxo

  32. jqlee March 21, 2010 at 11:10 pm #

    I’ve just ventured into intuitive eating without calorie counting and honestly, I know I eat a little too much sometimes because without counting calories, I think its okay if I have one more, or one more. I’m still trying to TRULY eat intuitively meaning stop eating when I am full instead of eating that extra few pieces because I want to.

    I had sushi for dinner tonight. Soooo good! Mmmm and ice coffee…My bf used to think ice coffee was weird until he tried mine one day, now he orders it all on his own and really likes i!

  33. Leah March 21, 2010 at 11:40 pm #

    I think you definitely have the right attitude. Focus on the fact that you’re happy now. That’s what matters most.
    Intuitive eating was always hard for me. I just started getting the hang of it, and I still sometimes have a rough time with it. Eventually it gets easier I guess. You seem to have it a lot more together than I did though, and I honestly believe that you are going to do just fine. It will be difficult of course, but you’re strong and you can do it.

  34. Becca March 22, 2010 at 12:18 am #

    Hi Shelley,
    I’m a new bloggie! But I have followed your blog for a while and you are so insightful and beautiful, really. I share your fears about maintenance (not sure how close I am, to be honest! My nutritionist has not told me, but I know I’m getting pretty close) and admire your insights. I have faith in your strength to do this!
    ❀ Becca

  35. Sara K March 22, 2010 at 12:48 am #

    Yayyy Shelley! Always glad to see your posts! As you know, I’m also as a college student a late night eater (whether late late after a night of fun or just because as college students we sometimes have to stay up way past our bedtime)- I sometimes do have that nagging ‘guilt’ about it- but hey, we’re young and if we’re up that late- hours and hours after dinner we probably should be eating. And here is some reassuring-ness: Since starting this semester, I have maintained my weight EXACTLY (according to my doc who checked me before and after)- that is despite all the snacking/meals/junk food/late night crepe/french fry/pizza runs/cocktails/shots/irish car bombs…you name it…oh and I should add that I don’t “exercise,” just an 1-2 hrs of step aerobics a week.
    The transition from meal plan to intuitive eating is scary, but you get used to it pretty quickly- and if you actually listen to your hunger cues you’ll find maintaining your weight comes naturally.
    Lots of love my dear πŸ™‚

  36. em March 22, 2010 at 12:56 am #

    hey shelley!
    i’m new-ish to the blogging world, but i love your blog! what an amazing journey you’ve had!
    so congrats on doing so incredibly well! seriously, recovery is HARD so i hope you give yourself A TON of credit for doing it!
    i’m still working on transitioning to intuitive eating, but right now i do exchanges and take note of how hungry/full i feel before and after, and what amount of food/exchanges satiates me at each meal.
    as far as indulging goes, do it! once you give yourself freedom, it becomes fun, and not a huge deal. and it takes A LOT of cals (i don’t want to post #s, and i’m sure you’ve experienced this) to gain even one pound. your body won’t change, and more importantly, YOU as a person won’t change after indulging.
    congrats and keep it up!

  37. Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga) March 22, 2010 at 2:54 am #

    Great to see a post from you, Shelley! I am in Phoenix and the weather is perfect out here right now..not sure where in AZ you’re gonna be but enjoy yourself and if you wanna grab a coffee if you’re in the Phx area, hollar!

    I think that you’re come so far, it’s so amazing, and just take it one day at a time and not over-plan. I find just letting things unfold (although hard!) is really the best sometimes πŸ™‚

  38. Naomi (onefitfoodie) March 22, 2010 at 4:33 am #

    welcome back girl! thank you so much for your get well wishes on my blog! I am getting there, still not 100% but i am getting htere!

    love your eats, and breakfasts MMM…and turkey and cream cheese wrap looks SO good! I love that idea of using a bit of cream cheese instead of mayo (hate it!) sounds delish!

    I am so happy that you are happy and you look and sound truly exstatic, you have come such a long way and so many people are so very happy for you!

    price is right will be so fun! what if they call your name?!?!?!

  39. frogsandmen March 22, 2010 at 5:29 am #

    now i want bananas…

    -the paris food blague

  40. gateauxbellehelene March 22, 2010 at 6:57 am #

    welcome back! Please don’t worry about maintaining without a food plan. I know it can be really hard but if you continue to eat healthily and just eat when you want you will be ok. A little indulgence now and again is fine, don’t beat yourself up about it too much. You are so happy and full of life now, it’s so good to see.

  41. Allyson March 22, 2010 at 6:59 am #

    Ugh, I’m still not on spring break either 😦

    I get so jealous of the people who had their breaks the first week in March, but I guess it is better to have the break at the end because we need it more!

  42. Jenna March 22, 2010 at 7:01 am #

    Hey girl! Btw what do you put in your coffee?
    πŸ™‚

  43. katie March 22, 2010 at 8:15 am #

    Girl i missed you!!!! But its good you took time away, you are so busy, sometimes you have to!!!!!

    How awesome is that, you and your mom are going to The Price Is Right!!!! So cool!!! How cool if you or her got picked!!!!!!!

    Ahhhhhhhhhh loving all the eats on here, and iced coffee is the best!! Its my fave drink when it gets warm out!!!!!!!!

    I love reading your blog, you are such a positive and amazing girl, I will tell you that everyday!!!!!

    Thanks for the sweet comments ALWAYS on my blog!!!!

    Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Stay strong girl!!! U rock!!!!!

  44. MelissaNibbles March 22, 2010 at 8:48 am #

    So glad you’re enjoying life. You look so happy in your pictures.
    It’s exciting that you can weight train now and I’m super jealous of Price Is Right!

  45. Melissa S. March 22, 2010 at 8:56 am #

    hey! i hope the exams turn out well with all the studying you did!

    and it’s hard going through all those transitions but you just need to relax through all of them; that’s what i’ve found to work the best.

  46. Can You Stay for Dinner March 22, 2010 at 9:05 am #

    First- amazing eats and I’m in love with springtime iced coffee!
    Second- I imagine it’s a really scary time for you right now. Maintenance is so new and it feels really uncomfortable at first to trust yourself, but you know what you need to do. Just keep cultivating that inner voice of reason. I was terrified after losing weight that I would be able to find a place of balance, but I just had to live each moment knowing that I was respecting my body and listening to my hunger and fullness cues. I’m transitioning to intuitive eating now after a few years of calorie counting and I’m sort of nervous about that, but I know that I can do it. At this point, I know how to eat well and what is good for me. It’s just a matter of trusting that I’ll listen.

    And my fondest memories of college involve late nights out with friends. That late night eating is (as odd as it sounds) such a part of the fun of college. It’s social, relatable, and spontaneous. Three things that you might not have had with Gertrude. While I know it’s not encouraged to overdo it every single day of your life, I know how fun it is to just be in the moment. This time won’t last forever and you don’t want to have regrets about holding back.
    Sorry for the book-like comment! Love your blog.
    Happy Monday dear!

  47. Nutritious Foodie March 22, 2010 at 9:08 am #

    It was so good to see your smiling face in my comment section this morning.

    I figured you are busy with school and exams..

    I know it is crazy that Spring is already here… we are almost to the end of March… 2010 is in a rush and its speeding up life…

  48. katey March 22, 2010 at 9:39 am #

    Hey hun! I have been exactly where you are right now! Its kinda scary, isn’t it? I was terrified to stop my meal plan.. because I didn’t want to backtrack and loose weight. There are some GREAT books I want to recommend for you. Intuitive eating, eating mindfully, and the rules of “normal” eating. I’m not sure if YOU monitor your weight… but as I was transitioning from a structured plan, to eating “normally” I checked my weight once a week to make sure it stayed stable. I still eat a lot of the same meals as I did on my meal plan..but its just different…. I can’t really explain it… but good luck!

  49. Cassandra March 22, 2010 at 10:00 am #

    I still love you! and glad to have you back! πŸ™‚
    I fell off the blog world awhile ago, and then when I got into it, everyone else fell off haha… It’s a crazy time of year!
    I’m really excited about you reaching your goal weight! congratulations!
    Keep it up girl! I know you can do it!
    xo

  50. blueeyedheart March 22, 2010 at 10:26 am #

    Glad you’re back!! πŸ™‚ And congratulations on getting to your goal — that is amazing.

    I definitely do struggle with the guilt, as you know… I just try to keep telling myself that it’s a normal thing to do. It doesn’t always work, because sometimes I feel like I’m giving myself “an easy out,” but hopefully the more you tell yourself that, the easier it gets to believe it.

    ❀ ❀

  51. Kelly March 22, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    First of all…you LOOK FANTASTIC in those pictures! You look so healthy Shelley and I am beyond proud of you for comquering this incredibly difficult journey! You are a rockstar!! Second, I am SO JEALOUS that you are going to the Price is Right. Tell us the day so we can watch you…wouldn’t it be so cool if you got to go up on stage?!

  52. K March 22, 2010 at 12:48 pm #

    I find that staying on a meal plan for awhile after you’ve reached your goal weight and then slowly working with your nutritionist/team to try incorporating intuitive eating is the best way to go about it. Give yourself a little time to maintain and still have the security of the exchanges in the meal plan and slowly try things on your own, with the support of your team.
    Great job girl. You are truly an inspiration!

  53. lowandbhold March 22, 2010 at 2:03 pm #

    Yay for Price is Right! That is sooo cool! School goes by so fast. You’ll be graduated before you know it 😦 Enjoy it while it lasts! Love your St. Patty’s outfit. Adorb πŸ™‚

  54. feetinmotion March 22, 2010 at 2:06 pm #

    I’ve missed you!! Glad you are back! That’s so excited about your weight, you’re so close. Whoo hoo for working out. Best way to relax and relieve stress in my books.

    I love the price is right! Well I used to when Bob Barker was host. I’m sure it’s not that horrible with Drew Carey but I never catch it on because I’m usually busy. I hope you get to play! That’d be so cool.

    I just relaxed during my spring break and did lots of cuddling with my dog! It was just nice to be home and laying around spending time with the family and eating REAL food instead of college food.

    So glad you are doing well and are happy! That makes me happy πŸ™‚

    Sometimes I feel bad when I eat lots of junk food but then I just think, “well at least you’re eating” which is only a good quote because I am so active, that even if I eat a lot of calories, I will still maintain my weight and should not feel bad!

    Be strong, love ya!

  55. Little Notes March 22, 2010 at 2:53 pm #

    πŸ™‚ great to hear from you again and dont apologise for not updating, its much better to be off enjoying your life than sitting on here all day!
    I know how hard it is to push past feelings of guilt but with time they should pass, you’ve done a great job to get to where you are at the moment and its difficult learning to transition to normal eating again but it will just take time and practise. You`ll get there!
    Remember we are always here for you,
    xox
    Laura

  56. Kylee (Little Hat) March 22, 2010 at 3:16 pm #

    This is awesome, girl! I’m so happy for you (: You are such an incredible inspiration to me. I am also super jealous that you get to go see The Price is Right! Love you! -Kylee

  57. balancingfoodandlife March 23, 2010 at 12:46 am #

    I mainly feel guilty after binging. Lately i’ve just been trying to not bring myself down because I KNOW it does more harm then help..
    but old habbits die hard yenno?

    and DANNG my spring break ENDED like a week and a half a go sweetie! It’s crazy how quick this year passed though.

    xox

    Vera

  58. The Voracious Vegan March 23, 2010 at 1:46 am #

    Your food is ALWAYS so yummy looking! Especially your breakfasts, I think I would JUMP out of bed in the morning. Yum yum!

    I’m glad you are still doing so well, but are realistic about your recovery. You have such a good head on your shoulders! You know that it is going to take time and hard work, and it is awesome that you are paying attention so closely to your progress.

    Welcome back to blogland, happy to see you again!

  59. nattietan March 23, 2010 at 5:36 am #

    So glad to know you’re doing well and looking amazzzzing!

    Whenever I feel like I’ve overindulged, I usually try to engage myself in other things in order to take my mind off the guilt. Usually it works and once the food’s digested a little bit, I don’t feel so bad. I think the guilt is tied to the feeling of fullness more than anything else. But the feeling passes. x)

    I’ve been up to my neck with reports and deadlines are starting this week and next. I’m kinda happy just because it means that my workload is going to lighten up a whole lot really soon, but it also means that the exams are coming up too! Ah well.. the life of a uni student right? Lol.

    Love
    Nat xoxo

  60. dailygoods March 23, 2010 at 6:39 am #

    congrats on being so close to your goal weight, that is SO exciting girl! im so happy for you πŸ™‚ also… THE PRICE IS RIGHT? you better win it all!! my middle school gym teacher won a ton of stuff then quit after haha. so funny

  61. Salah March 23, 2010 at 9:15 am #

    Hey girl! I am so incredibly proud of you for coming so far with your recovery! You really are an inspiration to so many people (i know a lot of males that have eating disorders as well…as surprising as that may sound). I sometimes feel guilty if I go completely crazy and binge…(that was a little problem for me about 2 years ago for a few months…I had a traumatic experience and drinking and binging was my coping mechanism…not really the best choice but at the time thats what seemed to “help”) so I’ll feel guilty if I go to Braums and get a double scoop chocolate pB sundae (the best ever!! PB + chocolate= soooo irresistable) after eating a bunch of pizza or something. Now how I deal with it is I just take a deep breath and say a prayer and honestly it takes my mind off the guilty feeling and I feel so much better!

    Ps. Are you allowed to do yoga? That also is a great way to help you get in touch with your body…you learn your bodies limitations etc. while strengthening your body…it honestly helped me when I was dealing with my issues πŸ™‚

  62. Karin March 23, 2010 at 9:31 am #

    You’re still on journey of becoming healthier so it’s no surprise that you struggle with some things. Stay strong my dear friend! πŸ™‚

  63. malpaz March 23, 2010 at 10:56 am #

    ahhh have fun on spring break! i am feeling normal with recovery, life, food and suff too and it is so confusingly balanced…if that makes ANY sense. im like so overwhelmed with the fact i feel normal. im so jealous you have spring break- take advantage of it there is no spring break in the working world girl!!

    im also overwhelmed for when i hit “maintenance” YIKES… what is not obsessing and planning meals like??? i dunno, sounds like i better get some hobbies and a life though so i can figure it all out!

  64. peanutbutterfingers March 23, 2010 at 1:16 pm #

    woohoo you’re back! i think your progress is truly amazing and oh-so-inspiring! the fact that you’re so aware an committed to being healthy is what will help you continue to succeed. πŸ™‚

  65. one healthy apple March 23, 2010 at 5:45 pm #

    Glad you’re back! I love to see your smiling face and personality! I have no advice, but I’m glad to see you eating yummy food and doing well!

    P.S. Thanks for making fun of my brown green monster! It made me smile!

  66. Simply Life March 23, 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    oh that sushi looks great!

  67. kristen March 23, 2010 at 9:12 pm #

    hey I would like to tell you that I admire you so much for ur recovery from ED. I’m currently 17 and just a month ago I started seeing doctors and nutritionists and all that fun stuff for my own ED that I’ve been truggling with since last summer. I’m on the varsity basketball team and when I found out my heart rate was at a 43 and could not do ANY physical activity I was devastated and scared that I let myself get to such a bad place. I’m slightly doing better now and following my meal plan but it is just so hard for me all the time and it sucks. Your blogis helping me get another persons perspective who’s dealing with the same things. Thanks so much for sharing ur story with everybody!
    -kristen

  68. The Fit Collegiate March 23, 2010 at 9:21 pm #

    How I deal with guilt from indulging is simply by waking up the next morning, having a healthy breakfast, and going on as usual. I don’t by any means restrict the day after indulgence, but I do make a conscious effort to eat even healthier than usual and concentrate on hitting all my fruit/veggie requirements. Just brush off the “food hangover” and move on is my mantra!

  69. ilanalala March 24, 2010 at 10:54 am #

    SHELLEY! First of all girl don’t worry about long blogging breaks I love you and just can;t wait to hear what’s up in your life! Second- I know *exactly* how you feel about food guilt. I’m eating so much more normal these days but sometimes I overindulge (or just indulge, period) and feel guilty. Some ways I combat it are by telling myself, “Well, look how far you’ve come, a few months ago you wouldn’t have done this at all, and now you just ate a brownie without overthinking it. No need to overthink it now, it’s a sign of success not a sign of weakness.” Then I remind myself that every time I prepare a meal or a snack is another chance to start over with my eating – just because I ate an entire bag of Hershey’s Kisses with caramel last friday for lunch (which I did) I don’t need to eat like crap for the rest of the day, too, so I fixed myself a veggie-ful dinner and felt better about it.

    You’re right, it is totally all about control, which is why releasing yourself from a plan is so hard. I’ve been doing that lately – I challenged myself one day by not planning out my meals for the day and counting on myself to make the right choices. Once I took personal responsibility for what I ate EVERY time rather than on relying on my past self to make removed and rational choices for myself in the future (lol) it automatically changed my mindset. Some days are better than others and I try to plan in advance a little by cooking lots of grains and stocking up on healthy things to eat I have more of a tendency to reach for a healthy snack that makes me feel full and good and tastes good too rather than some processed crap. It’s really all about not expecting yourself to be PERFECT, which is such a hard mindset to get into when you’re recovering.

    You’re amazing. SOrry I wrote like a novel but I have all the faith in the world in you baby.

  70. Kris | iheartwellness.com March 24, 2010 at 4:08 pm #

    Hello my love!! I am so happy to hear you are back!

    You look amazing and happy and that you are living your life to its fullest! Love it girl!

    Mmmm iced coffee is soo good πŸ™‚ I should make some now that the weather is warmer here.

    Too many new things to post on my end, but life is great in all ways!

    XXOO

  71. Lily @ Lily's Health Pad March 24, 2010 at 6:56 pm #

    I was out of the blogword last week too. Welcome back!

    You will figure out maintaining. You’ve done every thing else with such poise!

  72. Gracie @ Girl Meets Health March 24, 2010 at 7:25 pm #

    Girl, you are such an inspiration! And every time I read your posts I am so glad that you have this blog. I feel like it’s such a great outlet for you to admit that YES, you still struggle, but you are also moving forward every single day. And even for someone who never had an eating disorder, that is incredibly encouraging!!

  73. Bekah March 28, 2010 at 2:14 pm #

    Oooh Shelley, you have no idea how happy I am to read this! I am so happy you are doing good. And babe.. you look hot. Like, I’d kill to have your figure! You’re so cute!

    It sounds like a lot of us are “out of the loop” concerning blog land, frequently. I think we need to give ourselves more credit and a little bit of a break. no sweat. πŸ˜‰

    And so jealous of the price is right! I always told myself I’d go when I turned 18.. and hah, already 19 has come and gone. Oh well.

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