Back in Action

3 May

I’M BACK!!!!

I didn’t intend to totally disappear. To be honest, I kind of thought that I just needed a few days to relax/cope with everything and then i’d be back. Turns out a little bit more than that was needed.

I’m really sorry if I made any of you worry because I am doing fine. Β As much as I LOVE being honest on this blog, there is a certain level of privacy i’d like to maintain and I hope you all can understand that (i.e., please no curious e-mails/formspring questions about this- prob will anyways). Gardner & I broke up and though I know this is the best thing for both of us right now, it is incredibly difficult. He was, as you all know, a huge part of my life and learning to live without him is going to take a lot of time.

To be honest, there is absolutely no way I could have posted until now even if I had wanted to. Despite all the positive pieces of advice I was given that I knew were true, I just couldn’t allow myself to fully believe any of it. Finally, I truly am starting to believe in the things that I know I would tell someone else in my position.

I still feel a bit awkward writing this post because I do not necessarily want to divulge the whole “story” of what happened (and I also don’t think there is any possible way I could). I hate to leave people wondering but at the same time it is my life and if you spend this much time wondering about my break up then you should find something else to do with your time (I mean that in the nicest way possible haha).

The fact of the matter is that when I first realized we were done, I freaked out. This was all so unexpected and I couldn’t help but wonder: How will I live without Gardner? He was my best friend, confidant, partner in crime, etc. etc. I cried & cried & cried and mean while I was told millions of things like:

“Let him go, if it is meant to be it will be.” &

“Take this time to do something for yourself!”

& “This is your chance to be single & go out and have fun.”

and despite how true I knew all of this advice was, I was really not into hearing it. On top of all of that, I had to deal with the last week and a half of Humorology (what I had put the whole year into) & 8 hour practices a day. I was furious I couldn’t enjoy it to the fullest but I tried my best. I was a true human rollercoaster of emotions. but now, after about two weeks of this, i’m fine. I’m not claiming that there aren’t times where I am sad anymore, but I am truly at peace with the situation.

I need to take this time and rebuild my relationship with myself. I have been with Gardner for so long and I need to know that I can be okay without him. I need to prove to myself, my family, & my friends that I can stand-alone and I can stand strong. and i will.

“There are things we don’t want to happen, but have to accept.
Things we don’t want to know, but have to learn.
And people we don’t want to lose, but have to
let go.”

I am NOT a bad person. I DO NOT deserve to be unhappy. I honestly believe there is a reason for all of this and I can’t wait to find out the amazing things that lie ahead for me. When one door closes, one more opens. I could sit here and wish I would have done things differently- been less selfish, been more attentive, etc. but that will not get me anywhere. I am going forward while looking back as little as possible.

You ask me about regret? Let me tell you a few things about regret, my darling. There is no end to it. You cannotΒ find the beginning of the chain that brough us from here to there. Should you regret the whole chain, and the air in between, or each link separately, as if you could uncouple them? Do you regret the beginning which ended so badly, or just the ending itself?
-White Oleander

In terms of recovery, this is a HUGE challenge but I am embracing it as much as possible. By not being with Gardner, I am eating more meals with my friends and doing things outside of my comfort zone (read: a hugeee sub from Jimmy John’s & Ian’s Pizza). I am living life a bit more on the edge than before and am trying my best to enjoy it.

AND…….. WE WON HUMOROLOGY!!!!! YAAA AXO/SIGEP! I know you all are probably ridiculously confused about humorology, but if you are really curious just check out this site —> HUMO

so yeah, I guess my point is…. things haven’t been soooooo bad πŸ™‚

But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you’ll get through this, too.
-Scrubs.

“Life is too short to be anything but happy. So kiss slowly, love deeply and forgive quickly. Take chances, give everything, have no regrets and forget the bad in the past. Just remember what all it taught you.”


love you all, so glad to be back. Hope you’ll accept me again!!


xoxoxoxox

Shelley

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78 Responses to “Back in Action”

  1. Alex May 3, 2010 at 9:36 pm #

    I love your blog. Will send prayers and thoughts your way. I saw that you are an AXO??? We we are definitely “sisters” πŸ˜€ LITB

  2. theemptynutjar May 3, 2010 at 9:42 pm #

    better to have loved and lost , then never to have loved at all…

    that s what they say anyway…

  3. Lauren @ BIOCHEMISTA May 3, 2010 at 9:43 pm #

    Shelley,

    you are an incredible, beautiful, smart, and strong woman and I have no doubt that you will get through this. You have beat more challenging things in your life so I know you will come out of this a stronger person. πŸ™‚

    Love ya girl!!!!!

    XOXOXOX,
    Lauren

  4. Ilana May 3, 2010 at 9:55 pm #

    Shelley, you are strong and amazing. It’s totally okay to be upset, hurt, feel it, live it, breathe it, and then you heal. I have nothing to say that isn’t cliche, but you have always been a HUGE support to me (whether you know it or not) and I want you to know you can lean on me babe. Breakups freaking suck, but life is awesome anyway.

    xoxo Ilana
    (ps-ifyoure confused, it’s La from Love, La but I’m finally calling myself by my real name and moved blogs haha)

  5. Amanda @ . seek . May 3, 2010 at 10:06 pm #

    Oh, Shelley, I’m so sorry to hear about you and Gardner but I’m glad to hear that you’re doing well and managing to cope alright.

    I felt the same way when I called off my engagement. I had been with him for so long, that it was hard to fathom a life without him in it. What would I do? How would I manage? Things were so uncertain and I felt so alone. But with time, I found that I was managing just fine. Life was different, but it wasn’t bad; it just took some getting used to.

    You’re so strong and beautiful, and you definitely deserve to be happy. I have no doubt that you’ll get through this.

  6. justjac May 3, 2010 at 10:09 pm #

    Hey Shelley, glad you are back! I’m sorry things aren’t great, but glad they are okay!! We’ve all definitely been thinking about you and hoping you are doing well, as you said good things are to come, I’m sure!

  7. Molly May 3, 2010 at 10:10 pm #

    aw girl I know how hard this has to be for you- but you have two huge gifts in your life right now 1. You have something to do, to keep your mind off of it (I promise you, with all my heart, even if sometimes you just want to say ‘peace out’ it is so much better than sitting there thinking about it all. and
    2. you have some absolutely amazing people around to be there for you, and fill at least some of the places that might seem empty right now. That’s huge.

    You are so strong, and so amazing- inside and out. I’m here for you if you need it, even if it’s just to talk πŸ™‚

    Dont lose that amazing smile of yours either, life has so many possabilities left in it, you’ll be suprised with everything that could happen next.

    keep your head up, and take one day…one hour…one second at a time. Life will be good to you if for no other reason than you deserve it.

    Love you gorgeous girl!

    xo-Molly

    You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that’s the sad truth. maybe they’ll break your heart, maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself the same way. those are risks. that’s the burden. like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us.
burdens which allow us to fly. – bones

  8. Jenna May 3, 2010 at 10:12 pm #

    So glad you are back!
    I am sorry to hear about the break up with Gardner but you are a strong girl and I know you will be able to get through this as it already looks like you are having so muh fun with your friends!
    Jenna xo

  9. izzy May 3, 2010 at 10:15 pm #

    Aw hun I’m sorry about your breakup…but I’m glad you have a great attitude about it and aren’t letting it get you down and more importantly – hinder your recovery. As hard as it is, youll bounce back – no doubt πŸ™‚

    Congrats on your win! No lies – I had no clue what it was an had to look it up heehee ;P You guys look like youre having a great time!

    izzyy
    xoxo

  10. quarterlifewellness May 3, 2010 at 10:23 pm #

    Of course we are accepting of you!! I was wondering where ur cute butt went!

    AXO FOR LIFE BABY!!! ITB!!!

  11. imaginenamaste May 3, 2010 at 10:32 pm #

    Love the pics! I miss sorority activities–take lots of pictures and enjoy every moment. I’m so glad that the seniors in my sorority here this year invited a bunch of the alum back that were there during their 4 years for some fun–I’m so excited!

    I’m so sorry to hear about your breakup. I’m amazed at your positive attitude to continue working hard on yourself and towards recovery.

  12. Mandiee May 3, 2010 at 10:39 pm #

    Your post has left me without words to say back. Dear, I think you summed it all up with the phrase “as one door closes, another one opens”. Be ready, because this might be a big one. Letting go is not always easy, but it is believing in ourselves that makes us stronger. I believe in you and I hope you do, too. I’m here for you whenever you need me.

    Have a lovely day!
    xox

  13. Lily @ Lily's Health Pad May 3, 2010 at 10:50 pm #

    You are so strong, and you will get through this with grace. I know you will. πŸ™‚

  14. jqlee May 3, 2010 at 11:11 pm #

    it looks like you had a good time off despite the other things that happened. stay strong girl!

  15. Molly May 3, 2010 at 11:12 pm #

    hi adorable,

    you are such a strong lady, let me tell you. i am so glad that you took the time you needed for alone time….but i am so happy that you are back.

    i am so sorry to hear of your relationship ending with G – i can only imagine how tough that is. last year at this time my ex-boyfriend and i broke up after being together 3 years… i was devastated for about 2 weeks and sad for about a month.. but now and i can honestly say this we are such good friends – actually consider him to be one of my best friends – and i am so thankful… so you never know what comes from it girl. keep your chin up and friends close by :o) …. i watched a movie Saturday night and there was a quote along the lines of you can have more than 1 soul mate out there.. blah blah

    ❀ you girl

  16. hstrelich1 May 3, 2010 at 11:13 pm #

    Glad to see you back. Missed your bloggy face congrats on humorology!

  17. Hillary [Nutrition Nut on the Run] May 3, 2010 at 11:59 pm #

    Yay, glad you are back girlie! Hope you are well.

  18. Julia May 4, 2010 at 1:48 am #

    A big, big hug to you. I was so worried when I didn’t saw new posts or a reply to my mails and so glad to hear something.
    It’s tough what you’re facing now girl. But you’re so strong and you will come out of this even stronger.
    Much love and take good care!

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  19. solskinn88 May 4, 2010 at 2:01 am #

    Hey,
    you already know you have my support and that I think you deserve nothing but happiness and love. You share what you feel comfortable sharing.

    Take this time to find out who you are, as you have defined yourself in relation to him for so long. This is scary, but I know you can do it. Think about all you have experienced the last year. When I think about it I think about a person so strong and great, and a person who is not just able to help herself, but through her words and action mean a lot to other people.

    Go searching for Shelley, find out how to feel peace and confidence being you (in true soul-searching style, haha :))

    Hedda

  20. tatiannalives May 4, 2010 at 4:26 am #

    Oh my gosh Shelley!
    First of all, I am so excited you are back, because I have missed you dearly as well πŸ™‚
    Second of all, I am so, so sorry that you had to go through this. I will say that your inspiration goes way beyond food – you entire attitude towards live is so contagious. Seriously, reading your view on things like this makes me feel like I can get through anything. I ‘broke up’ with my best friend, and I completely crashed… I know how hard it is to try and look at something like this in a positive light, and the fact that you turned it around in just a few weeks is nothing short of incredible.

    I’m always here for you if you need to talk… ❀
    Tat

  21. Jessica @ How Sweet It Is May 4, 2010 at 5:33 am #

    Hi girl…thinking of you!

  22. Katie May 4, 2010 at 5:55 am #

    Glad to hear that you are coping. Sometimes what we don’t want is what we need to help turn our lives around. I wish you the best with whatever may come around. πŸ™‚

  23. Lauren May 4, 2010 at 6:03 am #

    Oh Shelly my love,

    You are going to realize that this WILL only make you stronger!!!!!!! There really is no reason to try and justify why these things are the way they are. We just need to trust that it’s for the best! πŸ™‚

    Take care sweetheart! We are all here for you.

  24. MelissaNibbles May 4, 2010 at 6:31 am #

    I’m so sorry to hear this news. I wish I could give you a big hug. I’m not going to repeat all the advice you’ve been given because I’m sure it’s just getting annoying at this point. I will say, just feel your emotions, accept them, then let them go. Stay strong Shelley!

  25. Emily May 4, 2010 at 6:57 am #

    I’m so glad you are taking a positive look at things despite this hardship! you are amazing, girl. stay strong πŸ™‚

    xoxo

  26. Laura May 4, 2010 at 7:01 am #

    Take care of yourself girl. I’ll be thinking of you ❀

  27. Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine May 4, 2010 at 7:02 am #

    Aw Shelley, I’m sorry to hear this 😦 I remember breaking up with my high school BF almost 3 years ago, and no matter how many uplifting things people tell you, it just sucks sometimes. It’s okay to be sad, but you seem to have a wonderful state of mind right now where you’re positive about moving FORWARD, not looking back. You will always remember Gardner for the love and good times he brought you, so don’t taint the memory of that whole experience by hating him or getting too upset. You’re a smart and beautiful girl with a good head on your shoulders, so I know you realize this πŸ™‚ Big hugs! xoxo

  28. gateauxbellehelene May 4, 2010 at 7:24 am #

    Oh Shelley, I’m so glad that you are back. I was getting so worried about you! How horrible for this to happen but you are in such a good state of mind about it. I just want to reiterate what everyone else has said – try to get over him and live your life as you want to. You look like you are having so much fun with your friends!

  29. dmcgirl37 May 4, 2010 at 7:31 am #

    hi Shell,
    Sorry to hear you and you BF broke up!I love all the pics you posted, you look so happy & like your having the time of your life!! Glad to hear your challenging yourself to go out to eat with friends even at a time like this! So inspirational! Thank you girl ❀
    Dana
    http://happinessiswithin.wordpress.com/

  30. Solange May 4, 2010 at 8:17 am #

    Girl, I totally missed you so much! Glad to know you’re doing good. Know what? You look fab in all those pictures! πŸ˜€

    Take care and stay strong!

    xoxo, Solange

  31. Katey May 4, 2010 at 8:28 am #

    I am so happy that you are trying to have a positive outlook on this. It will get easier day by day- I promise πŸ™‚

  32. rebecca lustig May 4, 2010 at 8:30 am #

    SHELLEY.
    I want to respect your privacy to the absolute fullest, but I want you to know how proud I am of you. You continue to admire me every single day. Your personal strength, your beauty, the way you work through and articulate your thoughts– you’re a rock star.

    and I’m here for you girl ❀
    thinking of youuuu!

  33. Naomi (onefitfoodie) May 4, 2010 at 9:04 am #

    girl you are amazing and this was so well and beautifully written. I appreciate you even saying everything you did, because I remember when I broke up with my first real boyfriend a few years ago I felt like the world was going to end, but ya know what? time heals EVERYTHING! i wasn’t even in college(which I think would make it a lot easier to get over) you have your friends, life, social time and this is the time to be single! (I was all throughout college and wouldnt have wanted it any other way!) on top of that, don’t you want a nice jewish boy?!?! hehe (I had to throw that in there!!) totally kidding, but love you and do everything you need to do to be back 100% and ENJOY THIS TIME!!!

  34. Chelsea May 4, 2010 at 9:08 am #

    Glad your back! Enjoy the last few days at school and thank your recovery for being able to deal with the situations that have and will present themselves. Life is not always what we imagine it, it is not perfect, but at least with solid recovery we can handle the ups and downs.

  35. Katie May 4, 2010 at 9:34 am #

    Shelley,

    I missed you so much and thought about how you were doing and was so glad to see your new post, I am sorry though that you have been going through a rough time : ( break ups are so hard, its like you feel empty and you dont know how you could live without that person, but then you realize how you ever lived your life with them, lol! Just trying to make you laugh! You are so strong, amazing, beautiful, sweet, and the list goes on a million miles : ) I know you are better off, and you are so young and you should just enjoy life , life is beautiful and you deserve all that it has to offer!

    love you girl! I am so glad you are so strong and trust me , things will get better : ) time heals : )

  36. blueeyedheart May 4, 2010 at 10:26 am #

    I’m sorry about the breakup — it’s hard when it’s been such a big part of you for so long. But it’s great that you recognize that you are an amazing person in your own right.

    ❀ ❀

  37. lowandbhold May 4, 2010 at 10:52 am #

    So sorry to hear about your loss sweetie. Don’t worry, no intrusion from me. I went through two devestating heart breaks (one broken engagement) and I know exactly how hard it is. You are doing so great to be at peace and to look to the future. That shows extreme maturity and courage. My thoughts are with you sweet pea.

  38. whydeprive May 4, 2010 at 11:35 am #

    Oh Shelley – Im so sorry. Breakups SUCK. Im glad you’re ok though. I fully respect your need for privacy on this – and I dont blame you at all for not wanting to share the details. That is your business end of story.
    Ive had my fair share of heartbreak thats for sure, so I feel your pain. Its hard, especially during recovery (been there too) but it really does make you so much stronger.
    Im thinking of you. xoxo

  39. malpaz May 4, 2010 at 12:29 pm #

    oh my gosh your pics look like SO MUCH FUN. I am sorry to hear about your break-up and i think you handled it like a very mature woman. you know yourself very well just read your blog if you need reassurance. youre a very strong and determined person and i admire that about you so much. learning to sit with yourself and be with yourself will help you in recovery even more because youll find the real YOU and learn everything about you πŸ™‚

    *that quote on regret is money, i love it

  40. Cassie May 4, 2010 at 12:44 pm #

    Love you and said a prayer for you.

    No matter what kind of positive things I could say to you right now, I know (from experience) the ONLY thing that helps is time.

    When enough time has passed, you will finally be fine. Until then, you have every right to be bitter/mad/bitchy/etc. LOL.

    You’re beautiful, girl.

    *Everything happens for a reason.*

    XOXOXOXO

  41. Kate May 4, 2010 at 1:32 pm #

    oh woman! i am giving you a mental hug right now. glad to hear that you are alive and kicking tho.

    break ups suck big time ass but i firmly beleive that you always come out better in the end.

    your pics look FUN! enjoy the end of the year.

  42. nattietan May 4, 2010 at 1:49 pm #

    A great big *HUUUUG* from me to you you gorgeous thing! I’m relieved to know you’re well and I’m sorry about the rough patch you’ve had to go through. You’re dealing with it incredibly and you’re right, you have so much to live for and be happy about so go on forth and enjoy life, enjoy your friends, enjoy being the wonderful person that you are.

    I’m loving your amazing pictures. There’s no doubt that there’s a light radiating from within you!! Stay strong hun!

    Much love,
    Nat xoxo

  43. vanessa May 4, 2010 at 2:28 pm #

    glad to know you are back, i’ve misssed your posts!!

    you will get over your break up, it’s just going to take some time!!

  44. Nutritious Foodie May 4, 2010 at 2:44 pm #

    I am so sorry to hear about your break up. I hate to say it like this but break ups are part of life… and in few years down the road you will look back and realize how much it had to do with who you become and the person that you end up with… I completely understand that at the time its devastating and hard to believe. Hang in there sweetie everything will be fine πŸ™‚

  45. Janie May 4, 2010 at 2:56 pm #

    oh girl, i’m sorry. but am glad that you’re TAKING CARE OF *YOU*. be well.

  46. Gina G May 4, 2010 at 3:15 pm #

    welcome back girl! i know you have heard it numerous times, but i very sorry to hear about you and Gar! like you know already, this is not the end in any way, shape, or form, just a new beginning! your future will be nothing but the brightest! =)

  47. cardiopizza May 4, 2010 at 3:40 pm #

    Hey Shelley!

    So glad to hear from you.

    I was your exact age when my boyfriend broke up with me. I was completely heartbroken. I, like you, heard all of those typical things from others like “things happen for a reason” or “you’re young, take this time to enjoy being by yourself”.

    I took time, but all of those things were TRUE. But it really took a lot of time for me to come to terms with it…3 months to be exact.

    I remember the day that I finally felt over the situation. My college days were beyond fun after that. I got to know my friends so much better and just did all the things I wanted to do.

    Take care and do know that things will get better each day. I have complete faith that you will get through this! You seem to already have a great outlook on life.

    xoxo

  48. Foodie (Fab and Delicious Food) May 4, 2010 at 5:23 pm #

    Shelley, I’m so glad you’re back! I’m so sorry to hear of your breakup, but it sounds like you are doing okay and I am glad that you have a good support system! Just take things one day at a time and also know that we are all here for you if you need us!

  49. Melissa S. May 4, 2010 at 5:28 pm #

    I’m glad that this has opened your eyes and are taking time for yourself. i believe that the people we love, whether they stay around or not, bring out things in us we never thought we’d find or knew were there..and it makes us that much stronger and more beautiful, on the inside and out.

  50. highonhealthy May 4, 2010 at 7:08 pm #

    Shelley, I’m glad you’re back but I’m so sorry to hear about you and Gardner. You seem to be getting wise advice though and everything will work out for the best. Keep living life on the edge and the most exciting and spontaneous things will occur. And you know what? I look forward to hearing about them. πŸ™‚

  51. alyssa May 4, 2010 at 7:23 pm #

    Shelly,
    The truth is that I could tell you a million things right now that would be “words of wisdom” or “optimistic sayings” and while they help for the minute, they don’t help forever. My boyfriend and I ended a 3 year relationship about 4 months ago. IT. WAS. HARD…It. IS. hard. Unfortunately, there is no way around the situation, no detour road that you can travel. The only way that I was able to pick myself up was to drive right through it and breathe. Just face it. I had to pick up the pieces of myself that we would usually pick up together but I did it alone this time. It didn’t happen over night. Hell, it still is happening and I expect it to happen for a long time to come. But it does happens. Once you put one tiny, little piece of yourself back together all by yourself, you realize that the rest of the pieces will follow on their own. Sure, it is a process, and of course, it’s difficult. But there are no better feelings than independence and love. This time you get to love yourself and gain independence during it all. And you have all of us here to help you through it. XOXOXO

    ~Alyssa

  52. Larissa H May 4, 2010 at 7:44 pm #

    Glad your back and doing so fantastic! Freshman year of college is tough, you love you get hurt, everything changes, but some how you get through it and it all gets a little easier, you get a little smarter and suddenly things just seem to work. you make awesome life long friends along the way… at least that is how it worked for me. In the end there were no regrets and what was ment to be happen.. just 3 years later. In the end looking back, I wouldnt have it any other way.

  53. Jenny May 4, 2010 at 7:53 pm #

    **Alleluia!!!!**** I have bee ANXIOUSLY awaiting my sweet Shelley’s return! I am really proud of you for “making lemons out of lemonades” and opting to ENJOY this past few weeks rather than letting the situation get you down! Your positivity is beautiful and your smile is so contagious

    LOVE YOU SO MUCH, GIRL!

  54. emmerlees May 5, 2010 at 9:30 am #

    Hey, girl! I know it’s definitely not fun what you’re going through. My friend always tells me “no one likes the pain, but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.” You have so many “positives” happening in your life to be thankful for and focus on. Keep smiling! πŸ™‚

    peace.love.em

  55. lizzyj1305 May 5, 2010 at 10:12 am #

    HEY beauty-full!!! πŸ™‚
    LOVEEES & HUGS to you!! what fun pic’s! I am here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to! I heart you chica and hope that your week is full of joy and happiness! you are so strong and passionate you do not need a man to feel loved, and you will find the right one when the timing is perfect (who knows who might just pop back in!) πŸ™‚
    loveeeee u!
    xoxo!

  56. cmonskinnylove May 5, 2010 at 11:13 am #

    You’re adorable and there is no doubt you’ll get through it! Stay positive πŸ™‚

    Also, I lovee love the movie White Oleander and I see you quoted it! Not a lot of people I know have seen it.

  57. Kelly May 5, 2010 at 3:58 pm #

    Hey pretty thing…I am so sorry for this loss in your life. It is a loss and I am glad you took time for yourself to heal. No doubt this will take time but you will endure and you will survive. You are a beautiful woman, Shelley, and you have done amazing with your recovery. Looking at these pictures of you I see a healthy girl and I am so proud of you. You will get through this too…you will. I will say a prayer for you…and just know that you are loved by many. πŸ™‚

  58. Meg May 5, 2010 at 5:35 pm #

    i’m sorry to hear what you’ve been going through Shelley. i know its hard to understand at first, but things are meant to be and someday in the future you’ll find the perfect man you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with!

    keep smiling xo Meg

  59. Katherine: What About Summer? May 5, 2010 at 6:51 pm #

    true that.

  60. Nina May 5, 2010 at 9:51 pm #

    Hey girl,
    I have been reading your blog for a while. I’m currently trying to recover too and have a verrry similar story to you.. Also, last year after my ED first started at the end of my Freshman year at NYU, I came home to my boyfriend. We had only been together for a year, but we decided to break up (he’s in med school, i’m in college, I need to live my life, etc). Anyway enough about me but the point is it is so hard. Especially when you are already trying to recover.. But I know you can do it! Because you are already so optimistic and such a joyful positive inspiration! I spent this whole year in isolation after losing him (he was my best friend and I didnt know what to do when I came back to NYC and didn’t have him to talk to every night even though I had made some wonderful friends in college).. Therefore I think that by spending time with your friends and family you are doing the best thing for yourself and also really seem to be doing a great job of distancing yourself from ed! I am so proud of you haha! Anyway I will pray for you and please email me if you ever wanna chat or find me on facebook (don’t have a blog..yet!) Good luck and you go girl!
    Stay strong πŸ™‚

  61. Kristie May 5, 2010 at 9:53 pm #

    You are amazing and you’ll have all kinds of awesome new life adventures coming your way no doubt. Glad to see you back, lots of love!

  62. mayapamela May 5, 2010 at 11:06 pm #

    I’m glad to see you’re back!

    I’m sorry about the hard time you went through, but it sounds like you in a good place now, and stronger for it!

    Have a GREAT Thursday!

  63. B May 5, 2010 at 11:59 pm #

    hey shelley– i’ve been reading your blog for awhile along with tons of others–but just want to comment and let you know that though times are tough right now, they WILL get better. im a senior at UW and i love looking at your pics this post- just brings it all back! i hoped you enjoyed mifflin this year and congrats on humo, not part of the greek world but my bf and alot of my good friends, i know what a big deal that is! good luck with finals- keep your chin up and know you have so many people that support you!

  64. sophia May 6, 2010 at 1:10 am #

    Shelley, I’m so glad you’re back, and I’m so sorry about your break-up with Gardner. But you really, truly are a GREAT inspiration to all, in how real you are in dealing with real, daily problems. Problems don’t stop from recovery, they keep on coming, but it’s how you deal with it that proves how healed you are!

  65. Simply Life May 6, 2010 at 6:26 am #

    I love that you’re having a positive and wise attitude about the things that happen in life!

  66. Melissa May 6, 2010 at 7:30 am #

    Stay strong! Stay positive. And be confident in knowing that everything will work out and you’ll be ok.

  67. megmotts May 6, 2010 at 8:42 am #

    i’m commenting! woot! i’m so happy your back blogging. as you know I loveeee reading your blog!

    i’m sorry things have been kinda rough..but you’re sooo strong and you WILL get through this. you are such an inspiration and i can’t wait to keep reading! =)

  68. Salah May 6, 2010 at 11:27 am #

    I’m so glad you are back! Break ups are so hard but you are an extremely strong girl so you will be just fine! I have no doubt about that!

    Your pics are so fun! haha I felt like I was out partying with you! haha

  69. Gabriela @ Fro-Yo Lover May 6, 2010 at 12:57 pm #

    Awww – IΒ΄m so sorry about you and Gardner, Shelley!
    ItΒ΄s good that youΒ΄re willing to move on and be happy. IΒ΄m so proud of you!
    Lovely pics. You look AWESOME, girlie!
    Have a wonderfu day πŸ™‚
    Brazilian XOXOΒ΄s,
    Gabriela

  70. Katey May 6, 2010 at 4:34 pm #

    You look really beautiful in those pictures. You are glowing!

  71. Kristy May 6, 2010 at 5:54 pm #

    Ah Shelly…I’m so sorry about your break up.

    I’ve been reading your blog for some time, but I think this is the first time I have commented on your blog specifically.

    I’m sure you have been told this by a million people already, but try to view your breakup with Gardner as a blessing in disguise. In your post, you talk about how you have been eating out a lot and hanging out with friends more (i.e. breaking Ed’s rules). Maybe, without a relationship, you will truly be able to live the life you’ve always imagined. So for now, just take it one day at a time, enjoy the beautiful things around you, eat a lot of good food, spend time with friends and family, and have fun!

    By the way, I love your blog. From reading through your archives, it is so apparent that you have kicked Ed’s behind from here to Timbuktu! I hope in six months, I can be as far along in recovery as you are.

    Hang in there girl!

  72. Sarah May 6, 2010 at 7:26 pm #

    So sorry about the breakup. I know how hard it can be. Just remember what a fabulous, strong, healthy and beautiful person you are. You touch many lives everyday, and I hope you realize how special you are! LOVE!

  73. The Fit Collegiate May 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm #

    I’m sorry to hear about your breakup, but I’m glad to see you’re back! Enjoying Mifflin??!

  74. Danielle May 8, 2010 at 1:08 pm #

    Glad to see ya back girlie πŸ˜€

    I’m sorry about the breakup. But I think it’s great you want to rebuild the relationship with yourself & I know you’ll push through!

  75. rustique May 8, 2010 at 3:06 pm #

    Hey beauty. I’m sorry to hear about your break-up; it’s a rough situation in the best of circumstances, and can be absolutely awful when you’re dealing with other draining things too. Last year, I had to end a relationship because I couldn’t handle the stress of it in addition to getting well…and I can say now, as hard as it was, it was also one of the best decisions I ever made for myself. Unhappiness and relationship stress can be a noose.

    As much as the cliches people feed you suck, try and listen. Be angry and sad for a while because you need to be and that needs to be respected. But it’ll pass. This is the time to go out and embrace you again. Rediscover who you are as yourself, not in relation to someone else. For me, I would’ve always been held back if I had stayed in the safety of that romance…and some time very soon, I think you’ll begin to feel the same way.

  76. Jennifer May 10, 2010 at 10:44 am #

    It is so awesome to see how strong you are about all of this. I know that you said you had days of being emotional, but you sound really confident in yourself and your future and that is amazing. When we are with someone for a long time and then break up it’s almost like losing a part of our self because we began to like the same things as our significant other. But then all at once when the break up is done, we realize, what is it that I like? What do I want for my life? It’s scary but so beautiful to have complete control over our future and then one day when we do meet that person we are meant to be with for the rest of our life, we know exactly who we are and what we want in life, and joining those ideals with another person can become the best relationship of your life.

  77. thehealthyjunky May 14, 2010 at 8:29 am #

    Hey Girl,
    I know exactly what you are going through as the same thing has happen to me. I have dated my high school boyfriend through college when all the sudden one day he wanted to break up. I was devastated and honestly took it really hard. I wanted to do anything to get him back, which only made me look like a fool. After seeing the way I was acting, I knew this was not who I wanted to be. I stepped back and began learning who I was. (I also depending on my bf more than I should as I was recovering from an ED as well)
    We were broken up for 6 months and after that he wanted to get back together. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to get back together too, but was not sure if this was right for me. I prayed to God to let me know if I was making the right decision. Turned out I did, we got back together and took things slow. I was really happy were I was at in my life without him and wanted to continue to be just as happy. Everything worked out and could not be happier with him in my life. We are 24 now, so this has happen awhile back, but still wanted to share my story.
    Not saying this will happen to you as well, but definitely take this time to spoil only yourself and get to know who you are. You will be happy you did!

    Hang in there girl!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Why Comparing is a Waste of Time « Finding Happiness and Health - July 7, 2010

    […] had spent about a week with the same group of people for many hours during the day (if you remember humo, it was during practice the couple weeks before the show). I had the opportunity during this time to […]

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