Sorry for my continued absence. I realize that I don’t have to apologize but I really would like to update this blog more. To be honest, it isn’t just because I’ve been busy that I haven’t been neglecting the blog. I’ve also been seeming to have, well, writer’s block. I know that each post doesn’t have to have some kind of dramatic realization, but at the same time I want to feel as though each post gets some kind of message across, and lately, I just haven’t been sure what message I want to express.
I wrote up a post about jealousy and hated it. But I still think jealousy is something I’d like to talk about because it is something that dictates so much of our culture and we so often don’t even realize it. The thing is, though, happiness is when you are truly happy with who you are, what you have, and your current situation.
We hear it so often, there will always be someone taller, faster, stronger, more beautiful, smarter, more outgoing, richer, more creative, whittier, etc. We know this, but yet all of us still manage to pick ourselves apart and long for something more, even if it simply a nice pair of designer jeans that the girl in math class wears. We want to be the best versions of ourselves we can possibly be. To some extent, this is good. Achievement is a part of life and we all have talents that should be directed in a positive way. However, after a certain point, it is so important to accept who you are as a person, and love yourself for it.
I think a lot of people with eating disorders are the kinds of people who are constantly seeking perfection. People who are overachievers and who can’t stand being less than the best. The problem is, being the “best” at everything is truly unachievable. I’m not always going to get an A, I won’t always be everyone’s best friend, and I won’t be the fastest runner or the girl who is in the best shape. and that is ok.
I’ve really been working on my relationship with myself. I have found times where I have been comparing and I sometimes honestly make a list of why I am happy to be me. This really helps bring me back to reality and put things into perspective.
I feel really preachy, but this issue really fuels my fire because it is something that affects me (and I’m sure many many others) every day. By being more aware of how I am affected by my jealousy/comparisons, I really think it helps me learn ways to be more accepting of myself.
A pivotal part of eating disorder recovery is simply being content with yourself. I am getting there, but I can’t say i’m all the way there yet & that is also ok. I believe i will always have some sense of self doubt because let’s be honest, we are our own worst critic, but that should only be in moderation and certainly not how we feel the majority of the time. I’m just sick of constantly comparing, and I am starting to realize what a waste of time it truly is.
My eats haven’t been very interesting whatsoever except one thing 🙂 I treated myself to a lunch at whole foods *YUMMMM* I took this as an oppurtunity to challenge myself. I know it shouldn’t be a challenge, but I always get a little stressed thinking about all the oils used in the food when I go there. This time, I got what appealed to me, worry free! Of course I loaded up on veggies but I also added some sort of rice mix, chicken marsala, tofu, squash, etc. You get the picture 😛 and if not… here’s a picture… hahha i’m sooooo funny.
& a zevia
My tummy was very happy & full!
I also got a salad from the cafe in the business school a few days ago (plenty of pretzels were eaten too)
Breakfasts have been nothing short of fabulous & delicious. I’ve enjoying lots of yogurt messes because fage 2% is on sale for 4 for $5
the one below has some deliciouss marshmallow oaties in it (more were added after the picture)
1) What are your weekend plans?
2) How does jealousy affect you? Do you feel like you are your own worst critic
I think next I am going to do a post reflecting on my recovery so far. I have been thinking about how far I’ve come and think it would be good for me and for all of you to see the improvements that have happened in this journey to health 🙂
& I caved- ASK ME ANYTHING :]
Song of the moment: I Just Can’t Wait to be King from Lion King – i knowww, weird. But it came on my itunes and i just got so happy!! Play it while you read this post- just do it. haha.