Thankful

6 Mar

Hope you are having a great weekend!!

My week has flown by. Going out on a Thursday night really screws with my schedule. I feel like it should for sure be Sunday right now but it is, in fact, Saturday. Tonight there is no way I am going out haha, I am dead tired.

I’m not sure where to start with my week, so I guess i’ll start with the easiest thing- eats! here are some things I’ve enjoyed πŸ™‚

Yoatgurt breakfasts

That one was a winner. Fage, instant oats, raspberries, cereal, dried fruit, & cinnamon raisin swirl peanut butter

Delicious snacks:

Cranberry Heart Thrive with peanut butter.

An Ancho chicken wedge from Einstein’s with sides

Trader joe’s egg white salad on a sandwich thin and a salad

Honestly, I hated the egg white salad, completely flavorless. Sorry Trader Joe’s. moving on…

I tried a different brand of veggie burgers!

I liked this veggie burger a lot! It was pretty flavorful and has great nutritional facts (hello 16 g of protein!)

Thursday night my sorority had a social themed “What my roommate made me wear” so naturally, we all looked…errr…interesitng..

hahaah check out my butt

yeah, i think you get the point.

The night ended up being a total bust though, I have to say. The frat we were with kind of sucked and the social lasted approximately 45 minutes before we all left and went our separate ways.

I went to Jimmy John’s and got a free pickle out of it- scoreee! I ended up crashing on my friend’s couch.

Yesterday was pretty much a lost day haha- I woke up, went to class (which was shocking), slept, went to my next class, slept, did my short little work out, and got ready again!

I went to a birthday dinner for my friend at a Japanese restaurant called Takara. I got teriyaki chicken/shrimp and ate it ALL- omg it was so much!! LOL. Then last night was just ridiculous. I think i finally fell asleep around 3:30. I plan on taking it easy tonight- I think my body has had enough!

β™₯β™₯β™₯β™₯β™₯

As far as working on staying in the present, I have to say i’ve been doing a lot better. Instead of constantly worrying about what I’m doing next, i’ve been truly trying to just be where I am and enjoy it. I am by no means perfect at it, but I am truly happy that I can at least see some difference.

I’m also still getting used to my new body. However, whenever I feel any sort of negative emotions towards it, I have been able to rationalize them. I’ll admit, it is hard not fitting into some clothes I once felt good in. It is sometime awkward to notice new curves. It is weird to see a picture of myself and not be the smallest girl in it. It is scary that this weight gain happened so quickly. It still irrationally worries me that I will never stop gaining.

But you know what?

Despite how confused and scared I am at times, I wouldn’t go back for anything. Who CARES if i’m not the smallest girl in the room?? WHO CARES that my tiny-ass old clothing doesn’t fit anymore?? WHO CARES that I have some womanly curves that make me look my age??

These aren’t bad. These things are amazing. These things are letting me be energetic, funny, happy, outgoing, loud, crazy, and free again. They are letting me be myself.

so, yes… I am scared at some point almost every day. But I am also happier than i’ve been in months- and for that I am truly thankful.


“The way to developΒ self-confidence is to do the same thing you fear & get a record ofΒ successful experiences behind you. Destiny isΒ not a matter of chance, it is a matter ofΒ choice; it is not a thing to beΒ waited for, it is a thing to beΒ achieved.”
( William Jennings Bryan )


xoxoxooxox

Shelleyβ™₯


Question- Is there anything you want to see more of on my blog? I’ve been thinking about what I want to focus on/things I want to talk about and would love to hear if you have any suggestions!

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63 Responses to “Thankful”

  1. Lauren @ BIOCHEMISTA March 6, 2010 at 4:58 pm #

    Great post, ma dear πŸ™‚ I swear every week that goes by and I read your posts you become more and more confident and most importantly…more *happy*! You are such an inspiration and I’m so happy for you!

    I hope you have a great rest of your weekend! I’m also exhausted and gonna stay in and rent movies tonight….Luuuurrrve being lazy on weekends! πŸ˜‰

    xoxoxox,

    Lauren

  2. katie March 6, 2010 at 5:11 pm #

    Shelley,

    I LOVE everything about this post, you seize to amaze me, you are so smart, strong, beautiful, and you are a the greatest role model in my eyes, in fact you would be a AMAZING role model to girls who are struggling and in need of an amazing person like you to look up to , and to hear your amazing story, you really just are amazing Shelley : )

    I am so proud of you for loving your body, I LOVE how you said who cares if your nott he smallest in the room, and who cares if your old clothes don’t fit, because you are happy and beautiful and healthy, and you should never compare yourself to others!!! I am so glad you realize that, it can drive you mad if you are always comparing yourself, we are all different and unique, what matters is how we feel and living life to the fullest! Each day is a gift : )

    I love you SHelley and this post made me so happy, just makes me love ya more girl!! Your mom I know is going to be so proud reading this, and she loves you so much!!!

    Have a great rest of the weekend love!!!! xoxo

  3. Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine March 6, 2010 at 5:11 pm #

    Glad you’ve had such a fun past couple of days! I used to love being the smallest girl in a picture. For some reason, it always made me feel like I was winning at something, which I now realize is the stupidest thing ever. The other day though, I was looking through some old pictures and I look like a little kid compared to some of my friends! I think it’s always awkward to notice new curves because you’re used to your body a certain way, but once you get used to the difference it’s like, damn, I look GOOD!

    Sorry for the book post, I’m just happy we’ve both realized how skinny does not necessarily equate with a hot body! As creeperish as this sounds, I love hearing about your sorority adventures! Greek life isn’t big at NYU, so I think your parties sound so fun! enjoy your night girl, xoxo!

  4. Amanda @ . seek . March 6, 2010 at 5:15 pm #

    Shelley, this is such a great post! I love that you’re able to rationalize through negative emotions. You’re right, the weight gain is hard to get used to, but the amount of happiness and life we gain back is so much more important. Who cares about being the thinnest girl around if we feel so dead that we can barely enjoy it? I could never imagine going back to where I once was…

    As for your question… I’m not really sure. I love your blog the way it is. I like seeing how happy you are thanks to recovering from your ED; it’s really inspirational.

  5. Jenna March 6, 2010 at 5:29 pm #

    The new boca burgers look great!
    And I am so glad you are loving yourself and not wanting to go back in the past! You are awesome girl πŸ™‚

    Jenna

  6. Sara March 6, 2010 at 5:30 pm #

    amen to that! seriously, it took me so long to come to terms with not fitting into my old clothes. I didn’t realize that it was unhealthy for me to still fit into a pair of size 0 jeans at 5’5”! although i still struggle with accepting my body at times today, it’s gotten so much better…and I would never go back to how things were before.

    Enjoy your weekend!
    ❀
    Sara

  7. homecookedem March 6, 2010 at 5:30 pm #

    Looks like yall had fun dressing up!! How fun!! πŸ™‚

    I picked up those moophrey breaded fake chicken patties. I haven’t tried them yet, but excited to! Glad to know the veggie burgers are good and that is a great amount of protein!

  8. Stef @ moretolifethanlettuce March 6, 2010 at 5:33 pm #

    these things ARE amazing!! nice booty shot lol! you are so pretty shelley, i love when you put pics in your post, fun! great job with the eats. but i’m really not a fan of those moophrey patties, i wish they weren’t perishable bc i would totally give them to you

  9. lowandbhold March 6, 2010 at 5:36 pm #

    I love your blog as is! And I love those pretzel thins!

    Your outfit was hilarious, and yay for Japanese food!!

  10. Gabriela (froyolover) March 6, 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    Awww, Shelley…
    IΒ΄m so happy for you!
    You look AMAZING! On a good way!
    πŸ˜‰
    But, seriously – the most important thing is that you look HAPPY. Ya know? I can see the joy in your eyes. And thatΒ΄s what really matters πŸ™‚
    Delicious eats, by the way! IsnΒ΄t food a fun fuel?
    Hahaha πŸ˜‰
    Have an amazing weekend, girlie!
    Brazilian XOXOΒ΄s,
    Gabriela

  11. kbwood March 6, 2010 at 6:13 pm #

    HEY BABYGIRL!!
    you are so right-even tho you MAY have hard days and bad days you will NEVER go back to that dark place..its like a nightmare
    you look so happy in your pics πŸ™‚ i know you still have some progress to make!!
    LOVE YOU!
    your eats look amazing!

  12. feetinmotion March 6, 2010 at 6:17 pm #

    what a funny outfit. Love the “seniors” hahah. I love your blog the way it is! I just enjoy it all!

  13. Tori March 6, 2010 at 6:19 pm #

    I know you already know this but, you shouldn’t worry about the weight you’ve gained because you look amazing in the pictures. So healthy and happy! Just what you were trying to find huh? Haha…..I’m captain obvious! It really puts in perspective that we’re not only gaining weight but so much more. Gaining back our lives.

  14. Danielle March 6, 2010 at 6:37 pm #

    I’m sorry the social sucked…but at least you got to dress up, right??

    I’ve tried those burgers before & they were good! You do whatever you want with your blog girl πŸ™‚

  15. Morgan @ Healthy Happy Place March 6, 2010 at 6:44 pm #

    love your optimism! Joining a sorority and having fun in college really helped me snap out of my ED, too. live it up! you only get these college years once, so make the most of them

  16. Emily March 6, 2010 at 6:48 pm #

    I’m so glad that you are embracing your new body. there is probably nothing more satisfying!

    great pictures πŸ™‚

    xoxo

  17. Jenny March 6, 2010 at 6:58 pm #

    ah sounds like thirsty thursday got the best of you πŸ˜‰ glad you had such a wonderful night! you and your girls are just stunnahs!!

    my dear, your worth is based on so much more than your external features. You possess such a gorgeous soul that touches so many peoples lives! Keep embracing your gorgeous body, girl!

  18. Elise March 6, 2010 at 7:13 pm #

    Oh shelley, you’re like the only blog I bother commenting on. You’re great. I’m so so impressed by your recovery and you’re an amazing person.

    I’d personally love to hear more about your mental struggles with recovery (if, of course, that would also benefit you) because you’re at such a pivotal place in your process right now — coming up on a weight that’s medically okay.

    This may be getting into non-kosher territory, but I just want to hear more about how you feel, what you think you look like, etc. You look absolutely tiny to me! I would never have guessed that you’re anywhere close to your goal weight (this isn’t meant to be a criticism, because I trust you’re doing everything you’re supposed to be) but I just find it interesting. Personally, I’m a healthy weight for my size, though I know I would still be at a healthy weight if I gained weight. I don’t think of myself as “thin” anymore, which isn’t a bad thing, but I bet other people would. I just think our minds play tricks on us sometimes, and while I consider myself totally average size, I’m sure others would find me skinny. I’m working on my body confidence — I have enough, I just really feel like I get into the mode of self-criticism pretty easily. I’d love to hear you talk more about that.

    Moral of the story: keep it up, you’re amazing.

  19. whydeprive March 6, 2010 at 7:20 pm #

    I am SO glad you’re doing so well. You’re right, none of those things are bad. Being the smallest girl in the room isnt important. It will never make you happy.
    You are doing so well, and you’re so strong, I love reading your blog and seeing how far you’ve come. You should be very proud of yourself. Its not an easy journey, but you’re doing it anyway.

  20. highonhealthy March 6, 2010 at 8:15 pm #

    You’re such a great role model Shelley. Every time I read your posts and how you’re accepting your new, healthier and beautiful body, you make it easier for ME to accept mine for the way it is. It’s hard but you help make things easier. πŸ™‚

    Thing I would like to see more of on your blog.. well, I really like it how it is right now but I always love reading about when you go out/have fun. Motivates me to stop holding myself back!

  21. balancingfoodandlife March 6, 2010 at 8:22 pm #

    Hey girlie!
    Id love it if you’d include every few weeks how youre moving along towards your goal weight, and how much mor eyou have (youre so close!)

    xoxox Vera

  22. Andrea March 6, 2010 at 8:28 pm #

    I’ve been following you for a while, not sure if I’ve ever commented…. BUT I think you are absolutely drop dead GORGEOUS!! You are soo pretty girl!
    Recovery is hard, and you gotta tell yourself– Why would I WANT to be the smallest girl in the room? Why would I want others to pick me out of a picture and think I’m the smallest? Small does not = good! Small does not = healthy! haha

    I’d love to see more music on your blog, I’m always interested to learn what kind of music other people listen to when working out or just hanging out!

  23. theemptynutjar March 6, 2010 at 9:10 pm #

    u completely amaze me…i dont think canada has those burgers 😦

    i am going to get on overnight oats asap…

    have a nice weekend
    u and your friends look beautiful

  24. naturalnonsense March 6, 2010 at 9:24 pm #

    I’m SO glad to hear you are happy with yourself and living in the present – it totally shows in your pictures. You look like you are having a blast, and you totally deserve it! You are BEAUTIFUL and I hope you keep embracing your new body. It is slammin! πŸ™‚

  25. chocolate pickle March 6, 2010 at 9:39 pm #

    This post made me so happy to read:) I think anyone who’s struggled thinks that since they gained a little bit of weight quickly, it will never stop…..so I’m glad you are able to think things through rationally! It’s like an ED is a security blanket and having an ED somehow defined you (like you said, the smallest girl in the picture) but it’s a BAD security blanket and you’ll become more and more yourself as you are able to let go of it piece by piece. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!:)

  26. MRia March 6, 2010 at 10:13 pm #

    I love this post and I am proud of you for standing up for your own body. It is the only one we get, so own it!!!

    XOXO

  27. Jess March 6, 2010 at 11:12 pm #

    I am so proud of you! You are incredible.

    Love your outfit! Sorry about the lame frat though!
    ❀ jess
    xoxo

  28. justjac March 6, 2010 at 11:14 pm #

    Sorry the event was kind of a bust–those tend to be somewhat hit and miss, don’t you think? πŸ˜› I love your costume though–and the theme!

    http://www.justjac.wordpress.com

  29. Angelalovesfood March 6, 2010 at 11:19 pm #

    so colorful you girls are!

    Don’t change anything about your blog πŸ™‚

  30. livelifeeatright March 6, 2010 at 11:29 pm #

    I love socials. The best one we ever had (my opinion) was a “tour de france” mixer complete with games and races on tricycles.

  31. jqlee March 6, 2010 at 11:35 pm #

    I have come to that realization too..who cares if i’m not the smallest girl either, or if i dont wear the same size i did when i was FIFTEEN!…its great to be free – sure it’s easier said than done (for me) but i try to have a positive attitude like you do too.

    looks like you and your girls had lots of fun. oh roomies…you gotta love them!

  32. hotsauceismypoison March 7, 2010 at 12:33 am #

    This post was beautiful. I’ve been feeling a little anxious about my ‘new’ body and I needed to hear your fabulous words. Seriously, who cares that we’re not the thinnest girls in the room and that our skinny clothes don’t fit? Sure, we may have been at that stage before but it felt like absolute hell. You look absolutely stunning right now anyway! So happy. I love how full of life you are and how much you pay heed to the idea that health truly does equal happiness!
    Ha, I LOVE those seniors undies!
    Tina xx

  33. learningtocookeatandenjoydeliciousfood March 7, 2010 at 12:41 am #

    You are an amazing woman and would not want to ask you to write about anything that you are NOT inspired to write about. But I did want to say that you are an amazing woman that inspires me everyday to keep on with my own recovery even though I had to go through all of my clothes today and get rid of my “skinny” clothes, but I think I am okay with it and will love myself for doing it!! πŸ™‚

  34. Kylee (Little Hat) March 7, 2010 at 2:26 am #

    I love this post! Your positivity and confidence and self-esteem just radiates! So inspiring.
    Despite the fact that the get together sucked, that is possibly the best idea for a theme party ever!!
    Have a great day gorgeous! Love ya! -Kylee

  35. MelissaNibbles March 7, 2010 at 7:02 am #

    Oh my god! That social looks like it was hilarious! I’m sorry it turned out to be a bust. You know what though, sometimes getting ready to go out is the best part of the night and that’s okay πŸ™‚

    I’m sorry it’s tough getting used to your new body. I wish it were easy and we could wake up just accepting the changes and not having any bad feelings and ED would just dissappear from our lives forever. Stay strong Shelley, you’re doing great πŸ™‚ love you!

  36. healthyappletite March 7, 2010 at 7:24 am #

    i’ve just set up a new blog after yours and others inspired me, please find it at
    http://healthyappletite.wordpress.com/

    thanks! xx

  37. tatiannalives March 7, 2010 at 7:31 am #

    Shelley!
    Time and time again, you show me the way when I am starting to wander πŸ˜› I LOVE you for that big sis! Seriously.. how do you manage to stay so calm, cool, and collected all the time?
    Thanks for being my rock!

    xox
    Tat

  38. julia March 7, 2010 at 8:39 am #

    I say it often, but I mean this with all my heart…I’m soooo proud girl! Way to go:) Stay this present, enjoying life, you’re doing so great!

    (And girl, you look gorgeous and I think you could use some more weight…believe me. Beautiful lady!)

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  39. glidingcalm March 7, 2010 at 10:04 am #

    oh beautiful Shelley!! you are such an amazing creature!!! thank you for having such an honest and fantastic blog!! i just get happy every time I come visit!!!

    “what my roomie made we wear” is pretty funny. i love your slashed navy tights and bikini! holler!!!

    and free pickles? the bomb dig. I think i have some big dills in the pack of my fridge. I should pull those bad boys out.

    good to know TJs eggwhite salad is a doozy. i am eager to try the moophrey burgers though!!

    HAPPY SUNDAY LOVAAAAAAAAH! get some rest!

  40. usfmeg25 March 7, 2010 at 10:04 am #

    I absolutely love your quote. Do you mind if I take this and post it in my blog??

    Shelley, You are such an inspiration to me. Keep up the good work in your recovery!

    • Shelley (findinghappinessandhealth) March 8, 2010 at 1:17 am #

      hun not at all!!! thank you πŸ™‚

  41. rachael March 7, 2010 at 12:09 pm #

    you are gorgeous! i wish i had your attitude, i bought new jeans yesterday for the first time in forever, and you know what, i felt good about it! i actually have some what of a body now to fill them out! anyways, lookin good with the food (: love them yogurt messes!

  42. simplypresent March 7, 2010 at 1:51 pm #

    Keep up the good work, girl! πŸ™‚

    It’s not worth obsessing over things that take away from the true meaning in life! What helps you find meaning?

  43. The Candid RD March 7, 2010 at 8:27 pm #

    I always have flashbacks of college when I read your blog! In a very, very good way πŸ™‚ You look sexy in that crazy outfit, you deserved that free pickle, haha. Sorry the party was a bust, but hey, at least you guys still made the best of it.

    Regarding your eats, I have not been happy with TJs food lately. I got bad turkey there the other day (expired) and their frozen broccoli had brown spots on it when I cooked it today, ewww. Hopefully they aren’t going down hill…

    Have a great night!

  44. imaginenamaste March 7, 2010 at 10:04 pm #

    I love your attitude towards the positive changes in your body–inside and out πŸ™‚

    Your outfit is just wonderful! I hated socials that were a bust, but I always remember getting ready for them! Best part!

  45. Salah March 7, 2010 at 11:01 pm #

    you seem like such a well rounded person! You keep up the positive attitude!

  46. Lizzy March 8, 2010 at 1:24 am #

    Hi Girlie!! you are beautiful beyond words! gorgeous and unflawed, keep on lovin’ yourself because you deserve the best! I hope you had a relaxing sunday and are ready to take on another week!! xoxo!

  47. Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga) March 8, 2010 at 1:54 am #

    yum = Cranberry Heart Thrive with peanut butter.

    your attitude is lovely…you are so on your way to just gettin bettter and better as you age…you have your head screwed on straight, love it that you’re trying to stay in the present and accept your new body for all the lovliness that it is. Awesome!

  48. The Voracious Vegan March 8, 2010 at 2:42 am #

    I think it is great you are making peace with your new body. This is your HEALTHY body! This is your body when it is being loved and taken care of, and is now strong enough to do whatever you ask of it! YAY! That is AMAZING! Size DOES NOT EVER matter! Who cares if you are the shortest/tallest/fattest/skinniest/whatever woman in the room. What matters is who you are, not what you look like. I loooooovee that you wrote about this, thank you!

    Hahahahah, that party is such a great idea! All of your outfits are incredibly ridiculous, what a fun night!

  49. Naomi (onefitfoodie) March 8, 2010 at 5:30 am #

    hahaah i love the SENIORS on your tushie…so cute! thats a great idea for a themed party, i would haev LOVED to pic out an outfit for you haha but the bathing suit over the shirt is pretty cute

    you are SO healthy and I really can tell such a difference now then when you first started. It seems that you really ENJOY the food you are eating and now that its so good for you. The meals are getting different and more exciting and you are experimenting more which is KEY

    love you girl!!

    xoxo

  50. Nutritious Foodie March 8, 2010 at 3:26 pm #

    Great eats! Now I am hungry!

  51. Kelly March 8, 2010 at 4:15 pm #

    Shelley…you are looking REALLY good!!

  52. Kristie March 8, 2010 at 4:27 pm #

    “These things are amazing”. You got that right girl! Reading all of your positive thoughts and wonderful quotes never fails to put a smile on my face. You have the BEST attitude, the best.
    And those outfits are styyylin, what a cute theme idea πŸ™‚

  53. Jessica Zara March 8, 2010 at 4:43 pm #

    Looks like an amazing party! And in a non-creepy way I have to say that your butt looks fabulous.

    I think your ED is distorting your vision a bit ~ from the pics you posted, you ARE the smallest girl in them still, by quite a margin. It wouldn’t matter if you weren’t, but you are still very slim and the only reason you wouldn’t fit into your old clothes is because they’re not intended for a *healthy* person to fit into (read, anyone who isn’t severely underweight).

    I think your blog has a great balance of food, fashion, fun and your own personal insights as it is. I can’t think of anything I’d change!

    *hugs*

    ~Jess~
    xoxoxo

  54. Sara K March 8, 2010 at 4:48 pm #

    I’m so glad that you are truly happier- all those peeping insecurities are just the ED trying to get you back, but it looks like you’re far stronger than it πŸ™‚
    Love those booty shorts, supaaaa sexy πŸ™‚

  55. devan March 8, 2010 at 7:45 pm #

    love you shelley

    you are so amazing ❀

    weight gain is happening for me right now, rather fast it seems… i dont know how to handle it. its so scary..

    xox
    i admire you, love
    and you are super gorgeous

  56. k March 8, 2010 at 8:33 pm #

    Hey girl! I’m happy things are going pretty well for you. You look so beautiful in those photos! I was just wondering.. are you changing your meal plan once you reach goal weight? Like lessening the exchanges? (ovb. your dietician would…) but I was JW! Have a great day!

    • Shelley (findinghappinessandhealth) March 8, 2010 at 9:54 pm #

      good question- probably!! my meal plan is already a bit smaller (my snacks used to be a couple exchanges larger than they are now) but i think it will depend on how much i exercise! i’m not 100% sure yet how much smaller it will be, but i’m assuming certain exchanges will go down

  57. Can You Stay for Dinner March 8, 2010 at 9:31 pm #

    Shell, you are so beautiful. In every single way. Each post makes me believe this more. When I’m done reading your posts I always pause and admire how insightful you are and how willing you are to challenge the negativity that so naturally comes into our minds. Thanks for being such a great person and a great role model for everyone!
    I love the content of your blog now so I don’t have any ideas on how to add to it. Sorry!
    Have a great week!

  58. kaitm March 8, 2010 at 10:47 pm #

    Shelley you are truly inspiring! I deal with the same negative self-talk/reassurance cycle as you on a daily basis. Its a struggle, but I feel so much better hearing your positive comments and know I can get through this too. Thank you and good luck as you continue forward!

  59. Foodie (Fab and Delicious Food) March 9, 2010 at 5:42 am #

    Haha, cute theme!

    Love your positive attitude and determination to be healthy and embrace your new body!

    Thanks for sharing that awesome quote!

  60. ilanalala March 9, 2010 at 12:21 pm #

    Shelley, you’re amazing. I’m so so so glad for you that things are going well! Your positive attitude is such an inspiration. Thank you.

    I miss mixers! Ahhh those were the days!

  61. Melissa S. March 12, 2010 at 3:12 pm #

    such a great post beautiful. I’m so glad you have been able to stay in the present and enjoy well, what you body can do for you and take you through! you are having such an amazing time with your friend and it’s so inspiring to watch you live your life. rock it girly!

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