23 Feb

This morning, I found out news that I never thought i’d hear.

Brandi, a friend from my Intensive Outpatient Program passed away from heart failure two nights ago.

Brandi (who started her own blog after hearing about mine) was only 18 years old. She hadn’t graduate high school. She had so many friends and she was so full of life.

Tears immediately filled my eyes. Why Brandi? Why someone so young? I was reminded by many, including Steph, that her death will not be in vain. I will not let it. Let this be someone else’s wake up call. Someone’s opportunity to realize how valuable their life is and to kick their eating disorder out the window for good.

When I was in the worst of my eating disorder, I didn’t believe that it could actually kill me. I was in denial like so many are. This is proof that it can happen, as horrible as it is. All of you girls who are reading this and currently suffering, please put your life into perspective. Being thin is not as important as living.

My prayers go out to Brandi and her family & friends and I know she is in a better place.

Please, for Brandi, do something today that is outside of your eating disorder’s comfort box.

February 12, 1992- February 20, 2010. Rest in Peace.


Besides this awful news, things have been going pretty well. I’m not going to lie though, i’ve been struggling mentally. I have been having fears of gaining to a point where I Will no longer feel happy. I still have been sticking to my meal plan and after hearing about Brandi, I refuse to back down. I know I can do this and i’m already almost there and happier than ever.

Here are some eats from the past few days:

deliciousness 🙂

I have an econ exam Thursday so another stressful week. Sorry that this post is kind of short, I really am just kind of at a loss of what to say.

Hope you have a great week and please remember to do something for yourself!

What are you going to do to challenge yourself today?




123 Responses to “Perspective”

  1. Lauren @ BIOCHEMISTA February 23, 2010 at 2:14 pm #

    Hey Shelley,

    So so so sorry to hear about your friend. You are such a strong and beautiful girl and ARE going to beat this!!!

    When you have rough days just remember that you ARE human and if this was an easy process no one would suffer from it. But you have made enormous strides and are feeling (and looking!) great. Keep up with the great work, and keep your head up.

    So sorry again for your friend.

    xoxoxoxox, Lauren

  2. Jessica @ How Sweet February 23, 2010 at 2:23 pm #

    She was so beautiful. I am so sorry, girl. 😦 Thinking of you.

  3. Melissa February 23, 2010 at 2:25 pm #

    I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Keeping Brandi in my prayers.

    I’m glad that you refuse to give up on your healthy journey. Stay strong!

  4. adrienmelaine February 23, 2010 at 2:26 pm #

    Shelley- I’m so, so sorry to hear about your friend- keep working hard and succeeding in your plan, if not always for you, but for her as well.

    Thank you for sharing this loss with us- I can only imagine the grief right now- if you need anything at all, I am here. xo

  5. kbwood February 23, 2010 at 2:32 pm #

    OH my gosh shelley this is so, so sad. we just have to pray for ourselves that this is motivation to ALWAYS be healthy-it would be a shame for her death to be a waste and not get through to girls everywhere struggling. she would NOT want this for anybody.

    praying for you and for her family.

    love you!

  6. Nutritious Foodie February 23, 2010 at 2:34 pm #

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend Brandi, Shelley. You are both in my thoughts and prayers!

  7. lowandbhold February 23, 2010 at 2:34 pm #

    I’m so sorry about the loss of your friend. My heart literally breaks when I hear things like this. I’m so glad you’re on the right track, because I’d never want something like that to happen to you.

  8. Jenna February 23, 2010 at 2:37 pm #

    shelley, i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. that is awful 😦
    this is definitely an inspiration and motivation for everyone dealing with ED to keep moving in the right direction in recovery.
    i am the same with you-we all think we are invinsible and nothing can happen to us, but we learn from bad instances like death that it can happen to us!
    i am definitely going to challenge myself today in memory of brandi!
    she is on my prayers ❤

    Jenna xo

  9. Jenna February 23, 2010 at 2:37 pm #

    shelley, i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. that is awful 😦
    this is definitely an inspiration and motivation for everyone dealing with ED to keep moving in the right direction in recovery.
    i am the same with you-we all think we are invinsible and nothing can happen to us, but we learn from bad instances like death that it can happen to us!
    i am definitely going to challenge myself today in memory of brandi!
    she is in my prayers ❤

    Jenna xo

  10. blueeyedheart February 23, 2010 at 2:43 pm #

    I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, that’s just terrible… 😦 I’m glad that you’re able to put it in perspective, though, and use something this awful as motivation to keep doing what you need to do.

    ❤ ❤

  11. *Andrea* February 23, 2010 at 2:43 pm #

    omg she was so beautiful! this is so sad. i remember when i had ed i never thought of death as a real consequence either. hang in there girl! find your own inner happiness with yourself, your friends, your family and your bf! you are a lyucky girl and you’re so beautiful and SMART!!!

  12. Marina February 23, 2010 at 2:44 pm #

    I am so sorry about your friend. With this post, you inspired me to try and take better care of myself. Life is so fragile, and I don’t appreciate my own enough.

  13. Amanda @ . seek . February 23, 2010 at 2:52 pm #

    Shelley, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend passing 😦 You’re absolutely right, though, that being thin is in no way worth putting yourself in that kind of dangerous position.

  14. Tori February 23, 2010 at 2:57 pm #

    That’s a really big reality check for me. To here someone so young and beautiful passed away, is awful. I don’t wanna put myself in danger anymore.

  15. Laura February 23, 2010 at 3:01 pm #

    That is terrible news to hear, its such a shame to see it happen to someone so young but serves as a reminder that lfe is precious and shouldnt be taken for granted. Im glad you are on the path to health and are looking after yourself.
    Your both in my thoughts,

  16. Shelleysveryproudmom February 23, 2010 at 3:01 pm #

    Love you!!!! And by the way, you look sooooooooooo amazing on your most recent facebook pics!!!!!

    Love Love Love you!

  17. MelissaNibbles February 23, 2010 at 3:03 pm #

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m crying over this loss. There’s no reason for it! It makes me so mad that eating disorders do this to people!
    I’m so sorry Shelley. Stay strong, keep your head up and don’t ever stop believing in yourself.

  18. Abby February 23, 2010 at 3:10 pm #

    What a beautiful girl.. my heart goes out to you, Shelley! Keep your head high, sweetie! 🙂

  19. Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine February 23, 2010 at 3:14 pm #

    I am so, so, so sorry to hear about your friend. I feel like it’s easy for all of us to forget what the worst consequence of ED can be. Like you said, I hope that something good can come out of this horrible situation- that it can be a wakeup call for someone else who is struggling. I’m keeping both you and her family in my thoughts and prayers!

  20. Morgan February 23, 2010 at 3:16 pm #

    I am so sorry Shelley. Keep that smile on your face and your positive attitude!

  21. eaternotarunner February 23, 2010 at 3:17 pm #

    That is so terrible. I’m so sorry to hear that, my thoughts are with her family.

  22. ilanalala February 23, 2010 at 3:40 pm #

    This is simply heartbreaking, and I am so so sorry for your loss. You are so inspiring and I am so overwhelmed by your words right now, to keep your head up. Thank you for sharing your sadness with us…I’m speechless.

  23. Whitney @ Lettuce Love February 23, 2010 at 3:44 pm #

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That is just beyond sad. It is mind boggling how an ED can truly ruin so many lives. Your post reminded me that it is so important to realize the value of life.

  24. Allison February 23, 2010 at 3:48 pm #

    Shelley, my heart goes out to Brandi and all of her family and friends. You are right, this is a HUGE sign that living life is WAY more important than trying to fit into this unattainable vision of perfection…which doesn’t even exist! Brandi is such a beautiful girl and I know she would want this to be a wake up call for all of those suffering. I was struggling this weekend and now have such a different perspective for this week. Thank you. Keep staying so strong…You are AMAZING.


  25. feetinmotion February 23, 2010 at 3:49 pm #

    Oh my gosh, i’m so sorry! News like that is the worst, but I’m glad you are able to be strong and continue on! Girl you are great and definitely have us here to talk to!

  26. maya February 23, 2010 at 3:58 pm #

    i’am so sorry for the lose of Brandi, she was so beautiful, breaks my heart!.. why do so many beautiful amazing girls w. eds have to leave this world so soon?.. i had a friend Melissa, who died the same way in May, and then Julia too. 😦 but it gives me comfort knowing that all the angels ❤ are in a better place, not suffering anymore, and now u have an angel looking after you 🙂
    RIP to ur beautiful friend lovie. hang in there…i know when i lost Julia, i couldnt cope with that :/ so proud of u, ur a star..really u are so amazing! we never think we could die from our eds, but reality is, we could..girls do 😦 and its so upsetting…and really hits home. I am praying for her family and u and all that loved and knew her. she sounded wonderful, like someone i'd wish i knew.
    Stef said it so well, her death will not be in vain!
    live on for ur friend, i know u will… but, she will be so proud of u, for getting better.. looking down from heaven…with all the other beautiful angels ❤


  27. Eliza February 23, 2010 at 4:00 pm #

    hey lovie,
    this was such a beautiful post, and i know Brandi is in heaven smiling down at you….you really are such an amazing person Shelley.
    it is so true that so so many girls suffering with eds never thinks they will loose their life to it 😦 and it is such a wake up call when someone passes from an ed that we love.
    i am so proud of you girly for sticking to your meal plan despite feeling sad due to your loss… i admire your strength so much. in July when my friend passed i wish i could have stayed strong in honor of her, and you and all of us must stay strong for all our angels, because i know that Beautiful Brandi will be so proud of you for staying strong and getting better, and i know you can!
    i always think when i am struggling of Julia, and it helps me to know that she would want nothing but the best for me.

    love you,

  28. julia February 23, 2010 at 4:03 pm #

    Oh my…I’m so shocked. Such a beautiful and such a young girl. This brought me to tears…I hate this desease so much…
    Best of luck to you and her loved ones for dealing with this loss…
    Please let this be a reminder for when times are tough…

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  29. Catherine February 23, 2010 at 4:06 pm #

    Oh my goodness, I am so sorry about your friend. My prayers will be with you and Brandi’s family. What you said is true…I often don’t believe that my ED could possibly kill me. This was a reminder that that is entirely a lie.

    Again, I am deeply sorry.

    ~ Catherine

  30. Sara February 23, 2010 at 4:31 pm #

    that seriously broke my heart:( …Brandi is my age…

    I NEVER though I could die b/c of my disorder in my worst…so glad that I’ve been able to turn things around…you’re right…it’s NOT worth it.

    good for you for staying so strong and continuing to move forward Shelley!


  31. GurlOnA"Diet" February 23, 2010 at 4:31 pm #

    I’m sorry about ur friend- it’s true that no one thinks that ED will kill us, until it takes away someone we love…

  32. Hedda February 23, 2010 at 4:32 pm #

    Thank you for posting this. The thought of death is something I often try to ignore. Trying to tell myself that ” I am not one of those girls, I am not that underweight”, when actually I am. The lie is just so much more easier to deal with than the truth.
    I am sure I will tell myself this lie in the future, but at least this night you made me step outside my comfort- zone and take one more piece of chocolate and some more almonds. Not that much, but hey, a couple of baby steps closer to a healthier BMI.
    Thank you,

  33. chocolate pickle February 23, 2010 at 4:37 pm #

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend:( I will keep Brandi and her family in my prayers. It’s sad that stories like this have to serve as a wake-up call but if it saves another life, then her struggle will have helped save a life. It’s a real reminder to stay the course!

  34. Anna February 23, 2010 at 4:38 pm #

    Oh gosh, Shelley, I am so terribly sorry to hear about your friend. What a reality check. Even though I consider myself “recovered”, there are some days when the ED voice won’t leave me the eff alone…Brandi’s death is a reminder I have to keep clinging to my life, because ED will find a way to slip back in and take it from me if I don’t.

    Stay strong doll, I know you can do it ❤

  35. funfashionista February 23, 2010 at 4:38 pm #

    thank you so much for shareing the story about brandi. i read this post today right before i was about to eat lunch. i was alreadyy having ED thoughts giong into lunch and after reading this post i got an urge of motivation and went and ate my entire lunch with no problems. even though her death is such an aweful devistation, she brought me back to reality today and i thank her for that. know she will be in my thoughts and prayers. im so sorry shelley. stay strong, love you!! amy<3

  36. homecookedem February 23, 2010 at 4:49 pm #

    How heartbreaking. What a beautiful girl. I know Brandi’s story will wake people up to the severity of eating disorders. My heart goes out to you and all who knew her.

  37. molly @thevegandorm February 23, 2010 at 4:50 pm #

    Wow – this is such a wake up call. I’m no longer in the throes of anorexia, and I’ve never been more grateful for my recovery than at this moment. At the time, it never hit me how serious it was. Thanks so much for sharing.

  38. Stephanie February 23, 2010 at 4:52 pm #

    What awful news. I’m so so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out her and her family. And to you as you struggle to beat this. I have full faith in you that you will overcome.

  39. Lindsay February 23, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    Oh My goodness, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I will think of this girl whenever I fear gaining weight or even maintaining my healthy weight!! I will keep her family in my prayers!!

  40. jqlee February 23, 2010 at 5:25 pm #

    I’m sorry to hear about your friend Shelley. It’s sad that sometimes it takes something so terrible to happen before we really put things into perspective. Good luck on your econ exam. I’m studying for my accounting exam.

  41. Danielle February 23, 2010 at 5:31 pm #

    I’m so, so sorry to hear this Shelley 😦 I hope this story can help anyone in need. My thoughts are with her family

  42. Emily February 23, 2010 at 5:33 pm #

    I’m so sorry :/
    That is the worst possible news one can receive, especially when it could have been me or you. such a young beautiful life taken away by this vicious disease.

    good luck on your exam.
    and I hope you feel better!

  43. Melissa S. February 23, 2010 at 5:43 pm #

    Oh honey, I am so sorry about your friend. It brought tears to my eyes and I can’t be more sympathetic for you and her family. I know how hard it is to lose a friend to an ED as I lost an online friend years ago from bulimia.

    looks like you had a great day of eats though! That cereal is calling my inner child!!!

  44. Jessica Zara February 23, 2010 at 5:45 pm #

    So incredibly sorry to hear about your loss. It’s often the case that in the later stages of recovery, not even at their lowest weight, that people’s bodies suddenly give up because the damage which has been done is just too much. I don’t know if this was the case with Brandi but the best thing we can all do is to keep fighting.

    Thinking of you


  45. merittothecarrot February 23, 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    Brandi was a beautiful girl, and I’m certain you helped her greatly. may she rest in peace ❤

  46. Molly February 23, 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    Shelley- I am so incredibly sorry. Someone who you go through so much with, and that you connect with is the hardest to say goodbye to.
    Brandi, as well as yourself and all her friends and family will be in my prayers!


  47. whydeprive February 23, 2010 at 5:51 pm #

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend. My heart goes out to all of her friends and family. I cant even begin to imagine how you’re feeling right now.

  48. Naomi(onefitfoodie) February 23, 2010 at 5:52 pm #

    i am so sorry about your friend. Sadly this is a reality. My heart goes out to her family and friends. Such a beautiful girl, taken way too soon 😦

    on another note, your food looks delicious, I think i spy marshmellows in that second pic? hehe

    love you girl

  49. katie February 23, 2010 at 5:55 pm #


    I am deeply sorry to hear about your friend Brandi, this is so sad and I am at a loss for words, this is horrible to happen to a young girl who had her whole life to live, I can only imagine the pain her family and friends (such as you) are going through. Shelley I am really glad you did post this, this is a WAKE UP CALL to others that are having problems, sometimes in life I feel god does things for a reason, Im not sure why but and its really sad, but this can be a wake up call and lesson for people to realize how serious this is and how your life can end, being thin is not everything, what is everything is being healthy, being comfortable in your own skin, and being happy. Nobody is perfect, we are all different, we should just feel beautiful and embrace how beautiful life is, we are ALL BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT SHAPE OR SIZE!!

    I am so sorry again for the passing of your friend, may her spirit carry on and she be at peace now in heaven , love you Shelley, if you need anything, my email is


  50. janie February 23, 2010 at 6:03 pm #

    i am so sorry about your friend.i know what it’s like to feel invincible with your ed, and thankfully i have never known anyone who has died from their ed (which worries me because i know MANY girls, some very sick, so i feel like it might just be a matter of time before something tragically happens.
    it’s so weird, i don’t know why some people don’t survive. everyone is biochemically individual, but it’s always so horrifying to hear when it’s the young girls that don’t make it.

  51. Leslie February 23, 2010 at 6:07 pm #

    That absolutely breaks my heart. It also makes me remember that even when I cannot seem to summon the strength to fight against anorexia for myself, I owe it to the people who care about me. I cannot imagine how much pain you and her family are feeling. I do not ever want to cause that sort of pain to those in my life. So I will indeed do something outside my anorexia comfort box today, and tomorrow, and the next day. My thoughts are with you and her family.

  52. katyainsf February 23, 2010 at 6:48 pm #

    I am so, so sorry to hear that! That’s awful and I can’t imagine what her family is going through right now. I remember how in my darkest times, I wished to die, I didn’t care about my life and didn’t even bother to think about how it will affect others – that’s extremely selfish not to mention sad. Getting over ED is hard – very hard and every pound gained feels like a ten, but do we want to be the next “Brandi”? Do we want to be just another sad story people leave comments like this one about? Keep your chin up, love! I know recovery is hard – but we’re all here with you doing the exact same thing. And we will all recovery to lead full, happy lives.
    I challenged myself by not listening to Ed when he was yelling at me that I ate too much at snack. I clenched my teeth through it and refused to let him have his way! How did you challenge yourself? 🙂

  53. theemptynutjar February 23, 2010 at 7:09 pm #

    i heart u
    that is all i can say
    wish i could give u a hug
    wish u could give me a hug
    u are too good to not be in this world shelley
    u are too good…u have lots of long life and treasures in your future

  54. Laura February 23, 2010 at 7:17 pm #

    I’m so sorry to hear about Brandi. She was such a beautiful girl (and I’m sure she was equally as beautiful on the inside). Hang in there. ❤

  55. Sara K February 23, 2010 at 7:19 pm #

    I am so sorry to hear about Brandi. It’s always so distressing to hear about another life lost to this terrible disease.
    I hope your post helps anyone struggling out there.
    So I admit I felt a little guilty for the first time in a while about my rather…junkish lunch today…my friend and I split: an order of sweet potato fries, a turkey burger, and a big slice of veggie pizza for lunch today- we couldn’t decide which one we wanted so we decided to get all three and split them…it was delicious (and I’m justifying to myself that all are perfectly healthy and normal items to have in a day) but I think I was feeling a bit iffy about the fact that I ate all three in the same meal though the quantities were not terribly large.
    Hope you have a good week my dear 🙂

  56. Kelly February 23, 2010 at 7:38 pm #

    Oh Shelley…I am so sorry honey! My heart goes out to you. You are strong and you are beautiful and you are so special!

  57. Lauren February 23, 2010 at 7:42 pm #

    Oh honey, I am deeply sorry to hear about this. Wow, how earth shattering. It really proves that no matter how much we think we are in control, there comes a point when this disease fully controls us and unless we can realize that, it end up taking us. Ugh, how awful. If you need anything, please don’t waste a second to let me know. I’m here for you hun!

  58. Ashlei February 23, 2010 at 8:13 pm #

    I’m so sorry to hear about your friend! So many of us who suffered from ED’s got to learn from our experiences but it’s such a tragedy that your friend never got the opportunity to heal and be happy. A life with an ED is never as complete and full of happiness as it could be. I has tears welling up behind my eyes reading this. You and I are so blessed that we never got to that state. There is so much more to being beautiful than being pencil thin, with a flat stomach and a six-pack. Your friend was beautiful! I wish she could have seen what so many others saw in her.
    I was struggling with body image before reading this and it definitely puts everything into a new perspective.
    Much love girl!

  59. Cassie February 23, 2010 at 8:14 pm #

    My heart dropped when I read this, Shelley. I called my mom in the room to read it; she gave me a hug. I just tweeted about this (did you know it’s NEDA week?), and I’m going to link to it on my blog.

    I’ve added her and her family to my “prayer list,” and I’m saying a prayer for you, girl.

    I actually had a bad day today (food attitude-wise), so I’m challenging myself to banish food guilt tomorrow.

  60. Lauren February 23, 2010 at 8:45 pm #

    Shelly, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That is truly awful news. I will definitely be keeping her and all who knew her in my prayers. Thank you for sharing this news with us, it serves as a real wake-up call. Don’t stress out too much about school, in the big picture of life its just a small piece.

  61. Molly February 23, 2010 at 9:03 pm #

    Oh Shelly,

    I am so so so so so saddened to hear about your loss. That is extremely devastating. You never do-nobody does- think of the ultimate consequences of any action and/or behavior. I will say a prayer for you & Brandi & her family. I am sorry girl!


    That oatmeal bowl looks kicking!
    Hope you had a good Tuesday and have an even better Wednesday


  62. one healthy apple February 23, 2010 at 9:06 pm #

    Hey beautiful! I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. Stay strong and do what you need to do. You are making her proud, by being your healthiest self. Take care!

  63. Solange February 23, 2010 at 9:33 pm #

    I’m sorry to hear about Brandi’s story. Hope you’re coping well with that!

    All the best for your econ exam alrighty!

    xoxo, Solange

  64. Sarah February 23, 2010 at 9:45 pm #

    Oh my goodness. I’m about to cry. She is such a beautiful girl. It’s just tragic. Hang in there, dear.

  65. Cassandra February 23, 2010 at 9:59 pm #

    So sorry to hear about your friend…. I wish her all the happiness and safe passage on her new journey ahead.
    *****Stay strong and happy****

  66. imaginenamaste February 23, 2010 at 10:09 pm #

    Oh, my heart goes out to you! I thinking about her/her family and YOU during this time!

  67. Stef @ moretolifethanlettuce February 23, 2010 at 10:12 pm #

    shelley i got the chills reading this post. brandi was absolutely gorgeous on the outside, as we can obviously see from her pic, i only wish we all could have gotten to KNOW her like you did. i didn’t realize she had started a blog after you, that is so sweet. i’m so sad for her family and friends, but i stick by what i said earlier, her death won’t be in vain! even the fact that it’s made you more dedicated to your meal plan is a huge mark she left on the world. may she rest in peace.

  68. Lyss February 23, 2010 at 10:17 pm #

    praying for you, shelley. fight for her. fight for yourself. we’re all here for you. ❤

  69. sophia February 23, 2010 at 10:20 pm #

    My heart cries out for her and her family and all those who loved her. Oh…dear Lord. What a beautiful girl….oh, freaking god…I HATE this freaking eating disorder that eats away at wonderful girls like her!

    Prayers to her and her family and to you…and gnashing, LOTS of gnashing of teeth at the monster that is ED!

  70. Hillary February 24, 2010 at 12:15 am #

    Wow, so tragic. Events like this really do make you put your life in perspective. Keep your chin up, Shelley!

    P.S. Did you receive my giveaway package???

  71. Hillary February 24, 2010 at 12:15 am #

    P.S. What is/was her blog address?

  72. Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga) February 24, 2010 at 3:26 am #

    I am so sorry that this happened; that her family is suffering, that you are suffering, and her ED claimed her life. OMG speechless, humbled, and wishing peace to her loved ones.

  73. Antonia February 24, 2010 at 4:04 am #

    Wow that is so sad about Brandi. She was such a beautiful girl too who probably had so much potential. It saddens me that girls have to go through eating disorders.

  74. lunchiemunchies February 24, 2010 at 4:19 am #

    So so sorry to hear about your beautiful friend. Eds are incredibly dangerous and scarily it’s so easy to forget that when you’re wrapped up in one.
    We all need to fight this illness and bring it down together. It’s ok to have hard days, it’s completely normal. Sending courage.

  75. nattietan February 24, 2010 at 4:29 am #

    My heart goes out to Brandi and her family. She’s beautiful, just as each and everyone of us are. I guess death to most of us always seems so out of reach.. so faraway. But really, it lurks so closely to us without us realising. *hugs* Take care hun. Let’s cherish life, happiness and good health.


  76. amylouisemc February 24, 2010 at 5:44 am #

    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, lovely.
    It always seemed so impossible that I could actually die from what I was doing to myself, but as we know now, we were never out of reach.

    I’m sending you hugs and support through this time, email me if you need ANYTHING at all, just comment my blog and I will tell you the address.

  77. caronae February 24, 2010 at 5:48 am #

    Hey Shelley! I am so so so sorry to hear about your friend. How scary. It’s wonderful that you can put it into perspective and know what you need to do though. I hope that you’re okay; take plenty of time for yourself this week and stay healthy. I believe in you 🙂

  78. Melissa February 24, 2010 at 6:46 am #

    Dear Shelley, I´m so sorry to read about your loss! Take care, xoxo Melissa

  79. Rachel February 24, 2010 at 7:09 am #

    I’m so sorry to hear about Brandi…my condolences to you and her family!

    ED is an effing monster, but you know what? It’s true that the mindset of “this will never happen to me” is such a fallacy, and yet we keep believing ED won’t kill us. Sigh. This is a terrible wake-up call, but a reminder nonetheless.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and her family, Shelley. Take care!

  80. tatiannalives February 24, 2010 at 7:57 am #

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend… my prayers go out to all of you.

    I was in denial for so long too, that being so underweight could actually kill me and I am so thankful that I have gained so much of my health back. It isn’t fair that so many people struggle, and risk their lives every single day.

    Thank you so much for shedding light on this eye-opening experience… you have already helped me more than words can express, and this post only makes me more determined to get better.

    I hope you feel better,

  81. Di February 24, 2010 at 8:16 am #

    I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can’t begin to imagine what you’re feeling right now. Stay strong and keep up your good work…you can do this. 🙂

    Good luck on your exam!

  82. eatmovelove February 24, 2010 at 8:24 am #

    Take care of yourself…I wonder though if food blogging is “healthy” with your program/current status…? Of course -it is your decision!! but I find that getting away from the computer, getting away from the compulsion and photos , etc…getting outside of yourself and doing something , thinking of others, helping others, going to the movies, knitting ;)…cleaning , makes you realize there is wayyyy more to life ….

  83. Can You Stay for Dinner February 24, 2010 at 9:28 am #

    Shelley, I am so saddened to hear about Brandi. It is absolutely heart breaking. I know that you will be able to gain strength and perspective and realize that you want so much from your life. Keep strong dear. You’re amazing.

  84. Karin February 24, 2010 at 9:58 am #

    Oh my god.. I am so sorry for your loss Shelley. I am so shocked and saddened to hear about Brandi. It definitely puts things into perspective.

  85. gateauxbellehelene February 24, 2010 at 11:29 am #

    oh Shelley, this must be awful for you. Brandi looked like a beautiful erson. Please stay strong and keep fighting. I understand how difficult it is gaining weight but keep going and I know that once you are there, you’ll be ok. You are so beautiful and look fab – I loved the photo of you in your powder puff girls costume! Helen x

  86. Missy Maintains February 24, 2010 at 11:42 am #

    I am so sorry to hear this. She was beautiful and it is such ashame that this had to happen to someone so young. Hopefully this is a wake up call for people struggling with their ED. My thoughts are with you and her family.

  87. daintyvegan February 24, 2010 at 12:37 pm #

    Oh, Shelley. 😦 I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, she was obviously a beautiful person inside and out. You’re right though, you can’t let it be for nothing and by bringing it up here, you’re giving a lot of girls a much needed wake up call or at least, more determination to keep fighting ED.

    Keep fighting to gain that last bit of weight; I know it’s scary but you’re doing such a great job! Keep at it for yourself and all the other girls struggling with ED.

  88. theprocessofhealing February 24, 2010 at 12:49 pm #

    Aw girl, I’m SO sorry to hear that. But her loss will NOT be in vain, I am sure of that. I never thought my ED could be life threatening either… you just don’t think about it. But it’s real.
    Keep up the good work, don’t let your ED win!

  89. Michal February 24, 2010 at 12:50 pm #

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend Brandi that is so incredibly sad. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and her family.

    Take care of yourself! ♥

  90. A@ Please Don't Eat Me! February 24, 2010 at 1:34 pm #

    Shelly im so sorry to hear about your friend.. my thoughts and prayers are with you, your family, and your friends family..

  91. Kylee (Little Hat) February 24, 2010 at 1:35 pm #

    😦 I am so sad to hear about your friend. That really puts things into greater perspective for me as well. Thank you for sharing this with us. I was struggling a lot this morning and this post really helped me see the reality of the effects of eating disorders.
    Take care, beautiful. You’re doing such an amazing job (: -Kylee

  92. beccaandspice February 24, 2010 at 3:08 pm #

    so sorry for your loss darling ❤ stay strong and keep fighting!

  93. eatmovelove February 24, 2010 at 3:13 pm #

    Oh my gosh Shelly!! I am soooo sorry – I didn’t mean for my comment to come off that way – I think I got the wrong blog actually :(…another blogger (I thought it was Ktbwood) had posted that you were struggling right now – I must have just mis-read it and thought it was YOU – but actually it’s been from your friend.

    My deepest apologies – you are strong girl and have a smart head on your shoulders. 😉 Again , so sorry!!

  94. Heather @ Health, Happiness, and Hope February 24, 2010 at 4:57 pm #

    Thank you so much for sharing this sweetie. I’m definitely keeping Brandi in my thoughts and prayers. ED’s are terrible diseases that do kill young, innocent lives that have so much life to live, and it is so sad to see such a strong young woman taken away. Stay strong because YOU have so much to give this world as well!


  95. justjac February 24, 2010 at 8:06 pm #

    Wow Shelley, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. Her story is very touching and definitely puts things into perspective for me and others, I’m sure. The fact that you are getting healthy and persevering through this ‘rough patch’ is honoring her.

  96. Katharina February 24, 2010 at 8:07 pm #

    My heart goes out to you Shelley! And her family as well. Stay strong and keep your head above the water. Some times things happen in our lives that hit real hard and show us how much it’s worth it to live each day to the fullest. I love you so much girl! Seriously, I wish I could give you the biggest and warmest hug right now.

    XOXO for ever and ever

  97. Kate February 24, 2010 at 8:40 pm #

    wow. i am thinking of you and brandi’s friends and family. i don’t really know what else to say other than that i will sending major good vibes your way.

  98. Bethany February 24, 2010 at 11:17 pm #

    Shelly, I am so sorry to hear about Brandi. It’s not only a tragedy, but a shock of the reality of the deadliness of eating disorders. Hang in there, I will keep her family and those who know her (including you) in my prayers. This post inspired me to NOT restrict today…thank you so much.
    All My Love,

  99. justjac February 24, 2010 at 11:25 pm #

    Hey Shelley, I’ve been thinking about you and your friend all day :/ I’m so sorry. Death is so hard.. and so unnecessary at this young of an age. Like you said though, she is in a better place.

    What was her blog?

  100. Nelly February 25, 2010 at 12:39 am #

    So glad you are doing well and not in that situation! Keep goin strong look amazing!

  101. balancingfoodandlife February 25, 2010 at 1:56 am #

    I’m so sorry for the loss 😦
    Try and stay possitive, we’re all here for you!

    xox Vera

  102. The Voracious Vegan February 25, 2010 at 2:41 am #

    Oh no, I am so so sorry to hear this. I hope you are doing okay, and I am thinking about her family and I hope they are doing okay too.

    This awful news just makes me so glad there is women like you in the world, Shelley, who are being so open and genuine and honest about the horrors and challenges and victories that come with an eating disorder. I think you have saved so many lives doing what you do and I am so grateful and proud that you refuse to back down.

  103. Lizzy February 25, 2010 at 9:56 am #

    I’m so so sorry this is so late, but i’m extremely sorry to hear about your friend. my heart goes out to both you and here! Girl you are doing so amazing,and even though i know this is horrible, you still somehow are sooo upbeat, and i’m so proud of you! love you so much girl! xoxox if you need anything just shoot me an e-mail!


  104. crazylittlethingneela February 25, 2010 at 10:33 am #

    shelley i am so so sorry for your loss but i promise you that this is a wonderful motivation for me to really get out of this silly comfort zone and live my life!
    i will pray for your friend and that she will be happy and healthy where she is now

  105. malpaz February 25, 2010 at 11:39 am #

    oh my gosh…i got goosebumps reading that…i am so sorry. bless her heart she was a gorgeous girl and so young. that brakes my heart to read. this damned disease is horrendous and evil- we will beat it. i will step out of my comfort zone today and all week in honor of both Brandi and NEDA week

    again, i am so sorry. i hope you writing about this will encourage many to get the help they need ❤


  106. usfmeg25 February 25, 2010 at 3:29 pm #

    Goodness. Girl, I’m sorry to hear about your friend. It really shows you just HOW serious this disease is.

    Today, I will commit to eating a snack 🙂

    ED will not take me! He will not win!

  107. Gracie @ Girl Meets Health February 25, 2010 at 4:10 pm #

    Wow, what is there to even say?

    I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. Just remember that Brandi would want you to keep doing exactly what you’re doing here – recovering, and showing others with eating disorders that recovery IS possible.

    My prayers are with you. xoxo

  108. Jocelyn @ Peace.Love.Nutrition February 25, 2010 at 5:13 pm #

    Oh Shelley! My heart goes out to you and Brandi’s family/friends. So Sad. So Tragic.

    I was in complete denial with my ED. I NEVER thought something like this could happen to me! Damn. I had a wake up call one night…after I binged I was about to purge and my heart started racing like crazy. My vision started to get blurry and I was having chest pains and I was sure I would going to have a heart attack. After that night i realized how precious life is. And did a 180 and got some help.

    I’m so proud of all of us who are on our roads to recovery. I think it’s so important what we are doing with our blogs and encoring each other.

    So sad. My thoughts and prayers are with Brandi’s family/friends


  109. Nicole February 25, 2010 at 6:23 pm #

    I’m so sorry about you’re friend, keep you’re head high<3

  110. lindsayruns February 25, 2010 at 6:27 pm #

    I’ve seen you “around” but hadn’t ever visited your blog. I really like it and will save you to my reader. That being said, I’m so sorry about your friend. I do hope people who are at risk learn from her and change, so sad when young people with so much life ahead of them pass away. I’ll be praying for her, and you.

  111. Eva February 26, 2010 at 5:15 am #

    That is just so tragic about Brandi. Thank you for sharing.. as sad as it is, it has really given me the boot I need. As a matter of fact, I’m going to challenge myself right now. Thank you again.. I hope your Econ exam went okay. Take care!

  112. Bekah February 26, 2010 at 8:21 am #

    Reading this made me very very sad. I am soo sorry to hear that you lost a friend. It shows me that this is SERIOUS stuff. Like no messing around about it. I don’t think I ever really truly got the ED thing, and how insanely serious, dangerous and scary it really is. And I am sad that your friend had to be the example that showed me.

    Will be thinking of youu and this girls family.

  113. Mitri February 26, 2010 at 9:17 am #

    I’m sorry to hear of your (and everyone’s) loss. She didn’t deserve it. No one does. Take as much time as you need to recover from this.

    In honor of her, of you, of every body, and especially of myself, I am quitting strict calorie-counting online programs. 🙂

  114. simplypresent February 26, 2010 at 11:27 am #

    One of my friends was rushed to the hospital last week. It definitely makes everything seem so real and puts everything into perspective. Her experience has made me push myself harder this week!

    I am deeply sorry for your loss. Keep your strength up and celebrate the life you have 🙂

  115. janetha February 27, 2010 at 3:03 am #

    so sorry for your loss ❤ but hopefully it will send those struggling a helpful message~ still, so devastating, i am so sorry.

  116. Salah February 27, 2010 at 11:16 am #

    I am so sorry for your loss. You and her family and friends will be in my prayers. I know what its like to lose a friend…I lost 2 last year (all in a drunk driving accident) and its very hard, but keep being the strong person you are and just know that anything can happen so enjoy it while you have it! 🙂

  117. Nicole February 27, 2010 at 8:08 pm #

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend, hunnie. So tough. I think mortality is so much harder at a young age.

  118. musingsofthegranolagirl February 28, 2010 at 3:34 pm #

    I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.

    I also once had an eating disorder and never realized the severity of it until I recovered.

    To challenge myself I’m going to do random acts of kindness all day.

  119. Simply Life March 1, 2010 at 6:21 pm #

    so sorry to hear about your friend…

  120. Abby February 28, 2011 at 11:25 am #

    I’ve read your blog but never commented before, but I wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss, and also her family’s loss. So sad to see a beautiful life cut so short.


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