A Love Story :)

3 Feb

Hola Chicas

so the other day, I wrote a very eating disordered post and saved it as a draft.

I was having a bad day. A “fat” day, if you will. Blehhh- those suck. I’m really glad I didn’t post it because although I know that being open and honest with you all is 100% acceptable, I don’t feel it is always 100% necessary. I wrote the emotions that I needed to get out, and it felt really good to write. Publishing it wasn’t necessary because instead, by writing, I was able to get myself out of the funk!

For an example of what the post consisted of- here is an excerpt: “I felt like all i was doing was eating and when I looked at my arms, they looked huge to me. My jeans felt tight (stupid mistake for wearing jeans). I’ve come so far and there is no way i am going to give up, but at the same time it frustrates me that I have to get to a 20 bmi. I know i am close to that, so why can’t I stop here?”

I look back on that, and i’m like woah, Gerturde was talking, not Shelley!! I am so glad I have found outlets to get over those disordered thoughts.

Anyways, the past couple days have gone well!!

I had a snack before leaving for my sorority meeting on Monday. The snack was pomegranate chobani, dark chocolate dreams, 1 cup of kashi puffs, and almonds.

The meeting went fine! Afterwards, I ate dinner with Garder in the cafeteria- it was a pretty good dinner πŸ™‚ Baked potato with laughing cow and salsa, food should taste good multigrain chips, an asian pear, and a HUGE salad with some tuna, black beans, and eggs for protein and dressing!

After dinner I had to do some school work and stuff and I did have my evening snack which featured this bar and 2% milk

Tuesday was a pretty good day. My breakfast got kind of messed up because they were out of instant oat packets 😦 I had like 1.5 cinnamon apple flavored oat packets (instead of freakin out) and added banana, strawberries, kiwis & cinnamon raisin swirl and milk on the side. LOVE kiwi!

After econ I had relaxation & technical exercise class. We did flexibility tests which were interesting… Then I met Gardner for lunch. I had turkey, laughing cow, and honey mustard on whole wheat bread with honey graham bunnies, veggies, and an apple.

After lunch I had a therapist appointment. It went really well. I got a lot of things off my chest (such as the stuff that I almost posted) and it felt good! I made the standard whole foods run to pick up some fage 2% (addicted). Then when I got back it was snack time.. yogurt mess.

I had to go to the sorority house for a spring rush event and humo practice. I didn’t eat dinner there but was super impressed by the dessert:

whaaat?!? yeees!! the funny part was all the girl’s reactions to them. They were so grossed out by them!! hahaha I was like, I love greek yogurt πŸ™‚

After humo I went to hang out with my best friend Melissa but first I picked up dinner at Potbelly’s

I also finished off the meal with a grande 2% misto with sugar-free hazelnut from Starbucks… delicious!

It was fun catching up with my friend and when I came back to my dorm, Gar came over to do some work. We went to get him food at 12:30 am too haha.

This bar was a part of my evening snack

Review: I was really excited for this bar because I love anything cookie dough. I liked it, but wasn’t in love. Granted, i’d still give it an 8/10 and would probably eat it again!!

I was super excited for breakfast this morning because I had fage 2% again πŸ™‚ You can imagine how disappointed I was when it was fROZEN solid.. hahah, stupid fridge was way too cold! I micrwaved it for 1.5 minutes and it pretty much melted.. hah, i swear there is yogurt in there somewhere!

a few people have asked me if i mix up my yogurt messes, and my answer is YES of course..here it is all mixed πŸ™‚ total mess.

those are my eats!! I had two classes today so far and now i’m relaxing and blogging (obvs) before gettin some lunch, doin work, and going to my last class of the day!

Thank you all so much for your questions!!

I picked two that I am going to answer on this post. I’m not sure what the best method in going about answering these questions is, but a lot of them overlap so i’m going to answer some of the most commonly asked ones first.

Melissa, Justjac, theemptynutjar, Gabriela, and Katie all asked questions revolving around one of my favorite topics- GARDNER!! πŸ™‚ They asked how we met/started dating, and how long we have been dating.

answer: Oh man, long story! I’ll try to shorten it. Gar and I both went to the same school which is a k-12 private school so technically, we knew each other since I was in 2nd grade. Oddly, we didn’t speak until the summer going into my junior year when a friend kind of set us up. We dated on and off from that summer until March of my junior year of high school when we finally decided to make things official (there was lots of drama between summer and that spring haha) but we have been together ever since! So almost 2 years now πŸ™‚ We even did the whole long distance thing last year becuase he was in college and I was still in high school. He went to a college in Colorado but now we both go to Wisconsin!! We are so happy and I feel so lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend and support system.

To go along with this, Amy asked how open are you with him, was it hard to talk about your ED at first, how has he been able to support/help you to regain health, etc.?”

I am incredibly open with Gardner. He is my #1 support system (along with my family) and whenever I am feeling “fat” or down, I can always count on him to bring me up. He knows 100% of what is going on with me. It was not hard to talk about my ED at first because he saw me go through it all. I didn’t really admit I had one until the beginning of this year, but it was impossible not to talk about because as you might imagine, my eating disorder caused me to be very moody and definitely was a bump in the road for our relationship. He supports me by telling me how beautiful I am every day and eating meals with me whenever I want or need to! Again, I am so lucky. If you are reading this, I love you Gar πŸ™‚

That is all i’m going to talk about for now because I fear if I write anymore I might lose you all πŸ˜€

feel free to keep the questions coming because I love answering them!!




77 Responses to “A Love Story :)”

  1. Missy Maintains February 3, 2010 at 2:22 pm #

    Love the story of you and Gar! So cute! I’m glad you have such a great support system. I’m proud of you for getting over your bad thoughts. Sometimes all you need is to type or write them but not necessarily share them with the world. P.S love the yogurt mess!

  2. Lauren (Biochemista) February 3, 2010 at 2:25 pm #

    Heyyyyy. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    I think it’s great you were able to realize it was ‘Gertrude’ talking! We all have our bad/fat/stupid/etc etc etc days. You are human! But being able to bounce back so fast means your making great progress:) Keep it up girl!!!

    I love the ability to talk candidly while blogging then save and maybe or never post. It really allows you to be open with your feelings/emotions. At least for me it does πŸ™‚

    Love your love story, btw!!!



  3. tatiannalives February 3, 2010 at 2:28 pm #

    Hey girl πŸ™‚ I loved reading about your feelings toward Gar.. I know you feel like you are so lucky to have in (and rightfully so!) but he is SO lucky to have you too! Its apparent how much you care about him, and I hope one day to feel as strongly about someone as you do him.

    As for the ED stuff… you continue to inspire me so much! Not only was I blown away on your outlook after you wrote/didn’t post that blog entry, but your eats are amazing. Almost every day if I am having a hard time, I think about you and how you are able to power through every meal and keep going no matter what πŸ™‚ Thanks for giving me so much strength!


  4. Jessica @ How Sweet It Is February 3, 2010 at 2:40 pm #

    That story is so sweet! He sounds like a keeper. πŸ™‚

  5. blueeyedheart February 3, 2010 at 2:45 pm #

    I’m so proud of you for talking down “Gertrude”! πŸ™‚

    That flavor Raw Revolution bar is the only one I really like, but I can’t find it anywhere anymore…

    Cute story about you and Gar, you’re lucky to have him!

    ❀ ❀

  6. Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine February 3, 2010 at 2:47 pm #

    So proud of you for realizing that was ED talking! You’ve come so incredibly far. It really is an inspiration to read about your dedication to your health. I think we all have our “fat moments,” but your determination to overcome them and focus on what your body needs is astounding!

    It’s great that you and Gar are so close! I didn’t know my BF before ED, and we started dating right around the time I started seeking help, so even though he knows about it, I think it’s hard for him to understand how it happened. He does always eat with me if I ask him to, though πŸ™‚ Gar sounds great!

    Loving the greek yog parfaits…such a cute and healthy alternative!

  7. seekmyself February 3, 2010 at 2:47 pm #

    That’s so sweet about you and Gar, and it’s amazing that you can be so open with him and that he gives you so much support. Why can’t all men be that way? πŸ˜‰

    It’s great that you were able to look back on your draft and see that it was Gertrude talking, and not your true voice. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate the two in the heat of the moment, and looking back helps a lot. Hang in there, girl, you’re doing so amazing. ❀

  8. psychoj1 February 3, 2010 at 2:47 pm #

    What a cute love story! He sounds like a great boyfriend! Aww! I love that y’all go to the same University now.

    Delicious eats! I love all the greek yogurt action!!
    ❀ jess

  9. Little Notes February 3, 2010 at 2:49 pm #

    Aww its so nice to read about you and Gar, your very lucky to have him and that hes so supportive.

    Well done on coming round with your thoughts, its great you were able to release your emotions and deal with them. As you said you dont always have to publish your posts, just whatever you feel happy enough to share, the main thing is your working out ways to cope with your emotions and feelings πŸ™‚

  10. katie February 3, 2010 at 2:54 pm #

    Awwwwww thanks for answering how you met your man : ) so sweet!! Long distance love is hard too, Im glad you guys got throught that and now you are both in Wisconsin,, yay!!! You both make a wonderful couple!!!!

    Potbelly has wraps? I had no idea, I will have to go there!! Your wrap looked delish!! Oh my gosh too funny about the greek yogurt parfaits at the sorority house, I know alot of my friends and my family think its gross, I dont know why!!! Love it!!

    I am so glad you are doing well, you are going to have those up and downs, but you are handling it so well, you are a very STRONG girl, and that is very important : )

    love ya!!!!! xoxoxo

  11. adrienmelaine February 3, 2010 at 3:00 pm #

    I love the fact that you have had Gar through this- and I love how you hear him when he tells you how beautiful you are!

    Happy Hump Day!

  12. Shelleysveryproudmom February 3, 2010 at 3:02 pm #

    Wow, what a great post Shelley! Once again there is one word on my mind…..PROUD! I am so proud of you. You are so close to being the healthy person you once were…congrats!!!! Also, I need to brag to everyone…..I spoke with Shelley’s therapist yesterday and she told me that she has been treating patients with ED since 1982. She said that Shelley is the brightest, best patient she has ever had and that Shelley has a great head on her shoulders (is that the saying….i’m getting old…ha ha). It was so nice to hear how impressed she is with Shelley’s progress….GO SHELLEY!

    Love the Gardner stuff!

  13. mayapamela February 3, 2010 at 3:06 pm #

    Just writing and not publishing a post can be SO therapeutic! I know exactly what you mean. Keep on trucking Shelley you’re doing great!

  14. katie anne February 3, 2010 at 3:07 pm #

    ok heres another one…what does laughing cow cheese taste like? do u bring stuff with u when u go to eat? or does ur caf supply all that ymmu stuff? u continue to inspire me:-)

  15. MelissaNibbles February 3, 2010 at 3:10 pm #

    Cute story! I’m glad he’s been a great support system for you.

  16. *Andrea* February 3, 2010 at 3:15 pm #

    so glad you have someone as supportive and sweet as gar in your life πŸ™‚ you’re an amazing girl! love your eats – especially the starbucks drinks and yogurt messes, two of my staples hahaa

  17. Emily February 3, 2010 at 3:16 pm #

    I think it’s amazing that you realized it wasn’t you talking, it was gertrude. Catching yourself in the act of talking through your eating disorder is always something to be proud of. It really shows that you know how to seperate yourself from it!

    Having someone like Gardner in your life is very special. You guys sound adorable πŸ™‚

    have a wonderful Wednesday!

  18. Molly February 3, 2010 at 3:22 pm #

    love this post! I have been in a funk as well. 😦 but Im glad you’re able to talk yourself out of it! You look awesome girl! and so does your food, how could ya give such amazing eats up!?
    Your yogurt messes always look the best!


  19. Naomi (onefitfoodie) February 3, 2010 at 3:25 pm #

    mmm your food keeps getting better! do you bring certain things to the cafeteria like laughing cow and teh food should taste good chips or do they have them there? that would be amazing if they do πŸ™‚ what a pimped out cafeteria!

    that is so great that gardner is such a huge support for you. It is amazing to be with someone who you can be so open and honest about everything in yoru life with. I have that with my BF and he is one of the only people who ‘gets me’ other than my family of course πŸ™‚

    greek yog parfaits! that just gave me an idea for a killer dessert!!

    love you girl!

  20. Allison February 3, 2010 at 3:40 pm #

    So proud of you for not letting “Gertrude” win! Keep up the great attitude πŸ™‚

  21. lowandbhold February 3, 2010 at 4:10 pm #

    He sounds like a great guy! You deserve the best πŸ™‚

  22. Cassie February 3, 2010 at 4:12 pm #

    All I have to say is “Awwww!” πŸ™‚

  23. julia February 3, 2010 at 4:24 pm #

    Nice stories! And girl…I am so proud of you for doing the right things. No more Gertrude and way more of Shelley talking:) Stay strong!

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  24. funfashionista February 3, 2010 at 4:29 pm #

    aw you make me want a boyfriend:) lol thats so good that you can talk to him about your ED and he cant support you! i just told one of my friends and she is very supportive and helps a lot so i can imagine he helps too, and having a boys perspective is nice:)

  25. Jessica Zara February 3, 2010 at 4:29 pm #

    I wish I had your strength and restraint when it comes to negative posting…for some reason I can’t hold emotions in and always feel the need to get feelings ‘out there’ and confess to others about what I’m thinking. I really need to follow your example and be more measured in filtering my thoughts. Good for you for working though things yourself and recognizing when Gertrude’s voice was obscuring your own.

    That Raw Revolution bar looks delicious to me! I wish they were available in UK stores.

    Sounds like you and Gar have a wonderful relationship: it’s fantastic that you can be so honest and open with each other πŸ™‚



  26. Emily (http://funnyemily.wordpress.com) February 3, 2010 at 4:36 pm #

    πŸ™‚ just read your mom’s comment, love you both!! girl you are absolutely amazing never ever forget that!
    happy wednesday!

  27. daintyvegan February 3, 2010 at 4:38 pm #

    Your yogurt messes look so good! I love Kashi Puffs, too. =D

    I know what you mean about how writing helps make things not quite so bad. My journal, my blog.. it helps SO much. Not sure what I would do if we had never invented the pen. xD

    You and Gardner are an adorable couple and you both are very lucky to have each other. =) I need to brainstorm some questions for you!

  28. Allison February 3, 2010 at 4:41 pm #

    Shelley, that is SO amazing that you were able to realize that all of the thoughts belonged to GERTRUDE! It shows how incredibly far you have come during recovery. During IOP, I remember my therapist saying that it’s important that we recognize and confront these feelings and do something about them…like how you wrote them all down to just get everything out! You continue to inspire me, girl! πŸ™‚

  29. kbwood February 3, 2010 at 4:52 pm #

    SHELLLL! i just adore you. you are so strong-SO glad you pulled yourself away from those nasty thoughts..that is so important..we do have bad days like that but the important thing is that we just pick ourselves up the next day!
    so sweet about your boy-he TRULY loves you and cares for you!! that is awesome love!!

  30. Danielle February 3, 2010 at 4:56 pm #

    I’m glad you got everything off your chest! Writing is one of the best therapies there is.
    My fridge freezes stuff too! It’s so annoying, I’m always worried about things being pushed too far back otherwise it will turn into ice lol

    Not to get all mushy, but reading about Gardner was sooooo cute πŸ™‚

  31. Melissa S. February 3, 2010 at 5:10 pm #

    ah, love the story about you and your boy!

    and i’m glad you were able to write about your ed, get it out and feel so much better afterwards! that’s awesome! i def always use writing at my outlet in my online diary…it’s the best to write it down!

    and love the yogurt mess! i didn’t like mixing mine up this morning because i lost the taste of the pb in everything…i always like being able to taste the pb!!!

  32. Kristin February 3, 2010 at 5:11 pm #

    hi shelley πŸ™‚ i want to thank you SO, SO much for writing this post. i woke up feeling fat and had been restricting all day but then i read your post, realized how wrong my actions were, and ate a really healthy late lunch to make up for my bad decisions all morning. you are so incredible and inspiring—thank you and keep up the good work! you truly are a role model for so many people.

  33. Melinda February 3, 2010 at 5:52 pm #

    I think writing out your feelings is very therapeutic- I do the same thing sometimes when I’m having a down in the dumps day and afterwards I feel better.

    And I love your yogurt messes- making me hungry! lol

  34. merittothecarrot February 3, 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    1.) That’s HUGE that you were able to identify that it was entirely Gertrude writing that post, NOT you. major kudos! You are a beautiful girl, Gertrude’s just there to bring you down in doubt.
    2.) People don’t like greek yogurt???/ BLASPHEMY!
    3.) You are an amazing gal, and I love ya!

  35. Sara K February 3, 2010 at 6:24 pm #

    Such a sweet story! Gar sounds like such a great guy πŸ™‚
    Yeahhh it’s totally normal to have those sucky days where ED is getting to us more than usual- it’s good that you can vent about though, sometimes just writing it down helps to realize why we’re feeling that way/what external factors caused it.
    You’re gorgeous and gettin’ even more so!

  36. Hillary February 3, 2010 at 6:26 pm #

    Pomegranate Chobani – yummm! I like the Q&A at the end of each post. I may have to do the same. Good job pushing Gertrude away. How did you come up with that silly name, btw? : )

    – The Nutrition Nut

  37. Stef @ moretolifethanlettuce February 3, 2010 at 6:33 pm #

    so sweet about you and gardner, you guys have such a great relationship i can tell :). aw shelley i wish you didn’t have those rough days, i wish you never had to struggle with body image issues/disordered thoughts, but the reality is they don’t go away entirely, at least not for a long while. i admire you for being able to tolerate the thoughts though, and pushing forward with your recovery. that is so great! you’re right, just getting your feelings down on paper (or on computer screen) is so helpful, even if you choose not to share it with the world!

  38. Kelly February 3, 2010 at 6:33 pm #

    I am so proud of you for working it out! You are a strong and beautiful woman who does have an amazing support system! It is 100% to have days when you are down or feel “fat” the important part is getting through it and realizing it isn’t true! And you did that…so awesome job! Have you seen the video Stop Fat Talk? It was done a few years ago by the TriDelt Soriety? The first time I saw I cried liked a baby! I have it posted on my blog as one of my top posts. Here is the link: http://myhealthypassion.wordpress.com/2009/12/08/stop-fat-talk/

    If you haven’t seen it…go watch it. It is pretty amazing! (just like YOU)

  39. Lexi February 3, 2010 at 6:39 pm #

    I’m so glad you were able to write out your frustration. I keep a journal that I write down all of my not-so-positive thoughts in. I never read over them though. It’s just a simple tool I use to get me out my funks as well.

    Love all of your yogurty messes! You are like the yogurt mess queen/expert in the blog world for sureeee.

    I loved the answers to your questions too! So cute that you have known Gar since 2nd grade! Love it!

    Have a great night! It’s real world night :):):) Love that show and love YOU!


  40. lindsey February 3, 2010 at 6:39 pm #

    aww you and gar are so sweet! my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost three and a half years, so i hear ya on that one πŸ™‚

    he is and always will be my number one support…it’s amazing what a boyfriend means in a time like that πŸ™‚

    ♥ lindsey

  41. theemptynutjar February 3, 2010 at 7:27 pm #

    your eats are so lovely shelley
    kind of makes me sad…not sure why…maybe because not only are you gaining weight (and thus health) but also cause u are conquering fears….
    so me…sometimes i worry that yes …i will gain will a LONG time…but …am i ridding myself of 100% qualms…etc etc…
    anyway….yay for u and gardner
    i want to say that i think u are amazing…about that post — its so mature and neat for u to reflect and kick back hard and “know” who YOU really are….i worry sometimes i get too “down” and negative and way too personal…like the post i just wrote for tommorow 😦
    anyway, girl….u seem so fun…like the kind of gal who would be cool to call up and go watch a chick flick with πŸ™‚

  42. crazylittlethingneela February 3, 2010 at 8:11 pm #

    the next time you write a post like that do not worry about publishing it! it’s good to let your feeling out sweetie and we all have bad and fat days. but remember it is your ED that is trying to convince you of this. shelley needs to gain this weight to become healthy and be herselft again. i know Ed has a million tricks to convince us otherwise but deep down inside i know you always remember what needs to be done!
    i am here for you and happy to hear that you are getting support from all the right places!

  43. brianna February 3, 2010 at 8:14 pm #

    I’m so glad you found a way to let out all your “fat” feelings and realize that you need to keep on track so you can be healthy again πŸ™‚ Your so lucky to Gardner in your life to!

  44. homecookedem February 3, 2010 at 8:21 pm #

    So happy that you’re able to work through your ED thoughts and get rid of them. You are going to beat this Gertrude broad, I know it!! πŸ˜‰

    I’m glad that you have such a sweet guy to support you through all of this. He sounds like a great guy!! πŸ™‚

  45. findingbalanceandbliss February 3, 2010 at 8:37 pm #

    Hi Shelley! You are so strong. Good for you for deleting that post! I’m recovering from my ED too, and let me tell you I never thought it would be this hard…..with each post you are an inspiration to me.

    And you are so lucky to have Gardner. He seems like an incredible guy.

    I just started a new blog, and would love for you to check it out!

    Have a good night!

  46. Lizzy February 3, 2010 at 8:41 pm #

    awww I loveee the story about you and your man! he sounds like an awesome guy, sooo glad you are open and honest. I’m so proud of you for writing down your feelings but then choosing to re-look them once you’ve had a little time…it shows how well you are doing! seriously chica you r a lil’ rockstar! please don’t ever listen to your ED, your gorgeous and perfect no matter what size the jeans are! And the only person who needs to believe that is you! I hope you’re having a great week! xoxo!

  47. Jenna February 3, 2010 at 8:54 pm #

    I am glad you at least got to write down everything that was bothering you! Sometimes writing down stuff is helpful- I am happy you noticed it was gertrude saying all this stuff andnot Shelley!
    I had a question- do you eat your breakfasts in the caf?! And if you do I was wondering do you bring your own on to the caf!?
    Oh you were you mad that they didn’t have regular oats and you had to have a flavor, apple cinnamon?!
    Glad hard is so supportive!
    Great eats and yogurt messes are just Not yogurt messes without mixed up!!
    Jenna xo

  48. Gelareh @ Nutritious Foodie February 3, 2010 at 9:22 pm #

    Writing your thoughts is definitely a good… it is a great outlet.

    I love your posts… they are always so colorful… πŸ™‚

  49. Sarah February 3, 2010 at 9:55 pm #

    Awwww, you and Gardner are so sweet! Glad you’re feeling better since your unpublished post. You’re doing awesome!

  50. feetinmotion February 3, 2010 at 10:30 pm #

    You are so sweet! Your comment about respecting me definitely gave me warm fuzzies all over! I do love to eat whatever I want, but I think I’m going to take a break from the chicken and tots for a little bit. I feel that is ALL I EVER GET! Because it really is. I’m going to try over stuff starting tomorrow!

  51. whydeprive February 3, 2010 at 10:35 pm #

    It is so wonderful that your boyfriend is so supportive of you. When you’re struggling with an ED that is so important. I wish I had someone like that back then (my “boyfriend” at the time told me I’d be perfect if I lost 5 more pounds).
    Gardner sounds like a great guy!

  52. snackface February 3, 2010 at 11:12 pm #

    Awwww I LOVE love!!! Someday I’ll have it, but it’s so incredible that you have an amazing support system from him. That’s a man, for sure.

    Major props to you for writing things out first, evaluating and realizing who was really talking. Awesome, awesome sign of how strong you are.

    Love you darling, and I hope you have a fab rest of the week! xoxoxo

  53. ilanalala February 3, 2010 at 11:36 pm #

    Ahh I know those days well. Thanks for sharing this post…sometimes it definitely does help to write out your feelings just to get them OUT there, and then you can move on. You’ve reminded me to do that next time I’m feeling too crazy.

  54. onehealthyapple February 3, 2010 at 11:49 pm #

    My goodness- what a sweet, sweet story! You two are very cute together and I love how happy he makes you!

    Wonderful job on separating fabulous, adorable Shelly from negative sucky Gertrude! We all like you better!

  55. Molly February 3, 2010 at 11:56 pm #

    ahh I am with everyone else who commented on this post.. that story of you and Gar is SOO cute! Crazy you went to all of school together!!

    YUM greek yogurt I LOVE it so glad I discovered it, whenever that was. YUM!

    writing is a good outlet!

  56. Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga) February 4, 2010 at 12:51 am #

    I am soooo happy for you and Gar. What an amazing story and relationship you have, at any age!, let alone at your age. WOnderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    And this:I wrote the emotions that I needed to get out, and it felt really good to write.
    Great to realize that writing is cathartic, healing, and helpful, and an outlet. Dont even need to publish or have anyone else read it, just putting it out there helps. With so many things writing is a great outlet!

  57. vegfiguresk8er February 4, 2010 at 1:33 am #

    you are so lucky to have such an amazing BF! πŸ™‚
    also I’m glad your out of your funk and your can tell Gerturde to take a hike!

  58. balancingfoodandlife February 4, 2010 at 4:07 am #

    I am SO proud of you for getting over the Gertrude post! ❀

    I have to admit though, you really make me want to eat fage & Chiobani! Sadly, I live in canada and can't seem to find them anywhere!

    Keep up the amazing work!


  59. oatsandchocolate February 4, 2010 at 7:17 am #

    hey shelley! i am so happy to hear that you can really ignore/distinguish shelley from gertrude. i can totally relate, everyone has those days πŸ˜‰ but its a really amazing thing that you can just write it all down, say what you need to, and move on. thats fabulous girlie. once again, your eats make me DROOOOL. i swear you make the most spectacular yogurt messes ever πŸ˜€ have a great day! xoxo soph

  60. Abby February 4, 2010 at 8:12 am #

    Great story.. I hope the support form your boy lasts forever! πŸ˜‰

  61. Simply Life February 4, 2010 at 8:18 am #

    oh what a fun dessert!

  62. Karin February 4, 2010 at 8:50 am #

    Shelley you’re fabulous! Show Gertrude who the boss is!!
    Your boyfriend sounds amazing. You’re so lucky to have him. Definitely a keeper ;).

  63. Kay's Nutty Oasis February 4, 2010 at 9:05 am #

    i think its great that you realized that you were just having a bad day and its in no way true!! you are a beautiful girl and you don’t deserve to feel this way about yourself at all!!

    ps. have you ever tried dried kiwi – oh my gosh it changed my life.

  64. the vegster February 4, 2010 at 10:17 am #

    Awww you have such a great bf! You are lucky! πŸ™‚ I’m glad writing down your ED thoughts helped out so much – sometimes we just need to vent and get feelings out, but not have to share them with everyone.
    I can’t believe your sorority sisters don’t like greek yogurt! It used to be my fave!


  65. malpaz February 4, 2010 at 11:58 am #

    thats a lovely love story and it’s so cool you can be totally honest with him. honesty and recovery go hand in hand in my opinion. im glad you were true to yourself and got you “fat” feelings on paper even t hough you didnt post them which i agree is good, you god the feelings out of YOU which is prolly important. you eats look good! and a tiny lil bmi of 20 is still VERY THIN. instead of numbers and bmi’s etc etc i try and focus on acceptance- as long as i am honest and true to myself my body will do what it will and i must learn to love each part of it!

  66. jocelynsteiber February 4, 2010 at 1:22 pm #


    You’re great : ) I always love reading your blog. It always helps me also to vent write it down—I usually do this in a journal. The blog world is great and everyone is so supportive but I personally like to lean my blog towards the more positive things in my life.




  67. The Candid RD February 4, 2010 at 3:39 pm #

    You are so lucky to have such amazing support, especially from a young man! Most men his age get uncomfortable talking about stuff like that, so you’ve found a keeper.

    As for your “unpublished post” I think it’s completely fine if you didn’t publish it. I think the “therapy” of blogging is often times just in the writing. So you wrote out your feelings, you came to terms with them, you were honest with yourself and your emotions, and hopefully it helped. We don’t need to know everything, it’s not in the rule books.

    I had a “fat day” yesterday too, actually. I never think I’m fat, because I know I’m not, and even if I was I would be ok with it, as I know I’m a healthy eater with a healthy lifestyle. But when I felt “fat” yesterday I just had to stop and remind myself that nothing has changed, I’m probably just retaining water, and I’m stressed about work. Sometimes stress about other things makes me focus on weight, which it shouldn’t. It helps to think these things through πŸ™‚

  68. sophia February 4, 2010 at 3:53 pm #

    Shelley, one of the reason why I ADORe you is how real you are. You struggle, you don’t act like evrything is all lollipops and sunshine…but you FIGHT. You actually do something about it, you re-check the lies that ED is feeding you, and you bounce back. That is the true victory and glory of your battle. Not the final end, but the daily struggles and successes.

    Love you, darling!

  69. Michelle (Snacks and Field) February 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm #

    I’m so happy that you were able to write all that down and feel better after you wrote it… It’s so hard to admit when you are struggling, and you are doing such an excellent job!

    Do you bring stuff to your dining halls for meals? I know mine certainly don’t have laughing cow! haha, And also just a suggestion- I’ve never eaten breakfast in the dining hall, I always buy HUGE tubs of Oats and cook them in the morning, instead of using packets or going to the dining hall. It’s super easy in the microwave or if you have a hot water boiler(depending if you use water or milk)

    And I can’t believe the girls in your sorority didn’t like Greek Yogurt! It’s AMAZING! haha- but understandable, I told my friend to try it, and she did up at school and then she wrote on my Facebook about how horrible it was and that I was crazy haha! But I guess everyone has different tastebuds πŸ™‚

  70. Katharina February 4, 2010 at 7:21 pm #

    You, my dear, are such an incredible person. I was going to say how special your relationship with Garder is–and then you talked about it in your post!! πŸ˜€ It makes me smile that you have somebody like that with you at school and is more than your family. Even though family is incredible!! But sometimes going to a friend/boyfriend is different.


    p.s. those honey grahams look soooo cute!!!


  71. nattietan February 4, 2010 at 7:56 pm #

    Awww. Love the story about you and Gar. You are indeed blessed to have such a supportive boyfriend, and in the same way, he’s so blessed to have such an amazing, beautiful girlfriend.

    You’re right that honesty on our blogs are is important but not always necessary. There have been times when I’ve felt so awful and blogged my thoughts out only to save the post as a draft. It got the negativity out pretty much, and it made me feel so much better too knowing that I hadn’t published it lest it affect someone.

    You are so real and so inspiring. I hope you realise it! x) Keep up all that you’ve been doing. As my doctor always says, ‘If it feels like work, you’re doing it right!’. And I know you’re doing it right!


  72. Rachael February 4, 2010 at 10:30 pm #

    Aw it makes me so sad to think of you having such a terrible day. I wish I could give you a giant hug and wipe a huge eraser on your forehead to get those thoughts out of your brain. But sadly blah days are inevitable, and I think you got through it really well by using writing as an outlet. You’re doing such an amazing job despite the struggles and are such an inspiration.
    If I ever run into Gertrude he/she had better watch out, cause I’m going to beat him up for being so mean to you! πŸ˜‰


  73. solclare February 5, 2010 at 3:46 am #

    Hey girl, I’m really soooooo happy for you to have known such a great guy like Gardner!

    Everytime I read your blog I crave for turkey after that! I’m really gonna ask my mom to buy some back later! πŸ˜€

    Have a great weekend yeah!

    xoxo Solange

  74. A@ Please Don't Eat Me! February 5, 2010 at 9:41 am #

    i love your honesty shelley! you are right, sometimes its ok to hit publish, but even just drafting makes you feel better! ive been feeling like that alot lately myself, and i find myself talking more about the ED feelings I have with my fiance- like your boy, he knows my mind inside and out and never fails to boost me up. I say im having a fat day and he tells me those curves i hate are his favorite part on me – for public sake i wont go into detail- but hearing him tell me all that stuff helps alot.
    you are a strong lady shelley!!!! glad to see you worked through those tough spots with all the support you have : )

    oh and those deserts?! yummy looking!!!!

  75. Gillian February 5, 2010 at 1:42 pm #

    We all have off days, thank you for being honest! I have taken to wearing dresses as I find jeans will bring out the most critical voices in my head at times. It is so important to feel good in our bodies and love them as they are. Stay healthy, beautiful and strong!!

  76. Anna February 5, 2010 at 5:13 pm #

    Good for you for recognizing that your thoughts that day were disordered. It’s good to catch yourself to prevent slipping into bad habits. I hit a rough patch in my recovery when I was hovering just around my goal weight but kept slight disordered behaviors to prevent that ultimate healthy weight. Keep at it girl, you are SO close!!

  77. Foodie (Fab and Delicious Food) February 5, 2010 at 5:42 pm #

    Good for you for being able to write your feelings down and recognize what was really going on!

    Awww, you are Gar have such a sweet love story! Glad you two are so happy together!

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