so the other day, I wrote a very eating disordered post and saved it as a draft.
I was having a bad day. A “fat” day, if you will. Blehhh- those suck. I’m really glad I didn’t post it because although I know that being open and honest with you all is 100% acceptable, I don’t feel it is always 100% necessary. I wrote the emotions that I needed to get out, and it felt really good to write. Publishing it wasn’t necessary because instead, by writing, I was able to get myself out of the funk!
For an example of what the post consisted of- here is an excerpt: “I felt like all i was doing was eating and when I looked at my arms, they looked huge to me. My jeans felt tight (stupid mistake for wearing jeans). I’ve come so far and there is no way i am going to give up, but at the same time it frustrates me that I have to get to a 20 bmi. I know i am close to that, so why can’t I stop here?”
I look back on that, and i’m like woah, Gerturde was talking, not Shelley!! I am so glad I have found outlets to get over those disordered thoughts.
Anyways, the past couple days have gone well!!
I had a snack before leaving for my sorority meeting on Monday. The snack was pomegranate chobani, dark chocolate dreams, 1 cup of kashi puffs, and almonds.
The meeting went fine! Afterwards, I ate dinner with Garder in the cafeteria- it was a pretty good dinner 🙂 Baked potato with laughing cow and salsa, food should taste good multigrain chips, an asian pear, and a HUGE salad with some tuna, black beans, and eggs for protein and dressing!
Tuesday was a pretty good day. My breakfast got kind of messed up because they were out of instant oat packets 😦 I had like 1.5 cinnamon apple flavored oat packets (instead of freakin out) and added banana, strawberries, kiwis & cinnamon raisin swirl and milk on the side. LOVE kiwi!
After econ I had relaxation & technical exercise class. We did flexibility tests which were interesting… Then I met Gardner for lunch. I had turkey, laughing cow, and honey mustard on whole wheat bread with honey graham bunnies, veggies, and an apple.
After lunch I had a therapist appointment. It went really well. I got a lot of things off my chest (such as the stuff that I almost posted) and it felt good! I made the standard whole foods run to pick up some fage 2% (addicted). Then when I got back it was snack time.. yogurt mess.
After humo I went to hang out with my best friend Melissa but first I picked up dinner at Potbelly’s
It was fun catching up with my friend and when I came back to my dorm, Gar came over to do some work. We went to get him food at 12:30 am too haha.
This bar was a part of my evening snack
I was super excited for breakfast this morning because I had fage 2% again 🙂 You can imagine how disappointed I was when it was fROZEN solid.. hahah, stupid fridge was way too cold! I micrwaved it for 1.5 minutes and it pretty much melted.. hah, i swear there is yogurt in there somewhere!
Thank you all so much for your questions!!
I picked two that I am going to answer on this post. I’m not sure what the best method in going about answering these questions is, but a lot of them overlap so i’m going to answer some of the most commonly asked ones first.
Melissa, Justjac, theemptynutjar, Gabriela, and Katie all asked questions revolving around one of my favorite topics- GARDNER!! 🙂 They asked how we met/started dating, and how long we have been dating.
answer: Oh man, long story! I’ll try to shorten it. Gar and I both went to the same school which is a k-12 private school so technically, we knew each other since I was in 2nd grade. Oddly, we didn’t speak until the summer going into my junior year when a friend kind of set us up. We dated on and off from that summer until March of my junior year of high school when we finally decided to make things official (there was lots of drama between summer and that spring haha) but we have been together ever since! So almost 2 years now 🙂 We even did the whole long distance thing last year becuase he was in college and I was still in high school. He went to a college in Colorado but now we both go to Wisconsin!! We are so happy and I feel so lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend and support system.
To go along with this, Amy asked “how open are you with him, was it hard to talk about your ED at first, how has he been able to support/help you to regain health, etc.?”
I am incredibly open with Gardner. He is my #1 support system (along with my family) and whenever I am feeling “fat” or down, I can always count on him to bring me up. He knows 100% of what is going on with me. It was not hard to talk about my ED at first because he saw me go through it all. I didn’t really admit I had one until the beginning of this year, but it was impossible not to talk about because as you might imagine, my eating disorder caused me to be very moody and definitely was a bump in the road for our relationship. He supports me by telling me how beautiful I am every day and eating meals with me whenever I want or need to! Again, I am so lucky. If you are reading this, I love you Gar 🙂
That is all i’m going to talk about for now because I fear if I write anymore I might lose you all 😀
feel free to keep the questions coming because I love answering them!!