Hope you had great weekends!!
Thanks for all your feedback on the scedule issue- it seems like many of us bloggers like to have a rigid schedule, haha 🙂
The rest of my weekend was fun. Gardner was out of town visiting friends at another school so I was kind of on my own. I missed him but had a good time going out with my friends!
I ate lunch Saturday with some friends so sorry, no photograph! It was boring anyways ! During the day I did some work but mostly just socialized with people on my floor and stuff.
I had my afternoon snack, a new bar and citrus kombucha! The bar was only ok, i wasn’t a huge fan of the flavor but i loved the kombucha!!
Last night my sorority pledge class had a little get together before going out. It was a lot of fun!
I ate a real quick dinner before hand- I had a wrap, broccoli & grapes from the cafeteria and then I had some graham crackers that went unpictured.
I love my pledge class. I don’t feel like i’ve found my definite group of friends yet but I like that I feel like i’m frends with everyone. We alway have fun when we are together.
I went to a party & then a bar & then called it a night at about 2 am…bah too late.
Breakfast was a bowl of oatmeal- I was so mad I forgot my camera so i snapped one with my blackberry haah. I woke up at 9:15 and ate breakfast & then went back to bed 🙂 I was pretty much the only one in the cafeteria that early on a Sunday morning!
I had to return a book so I decided to go to starbucks, get lunch at Einsteins & study. I got the california chicken wrap from Einsteins- sooo good. It contained some kind of cream cheese, tomato spread, chicken, and lettuce on a whole wheat wrap. I also ate about 1/3 of the fruit in the picture and got a grande coffee from Starbucks with sugar free caramel syrup.
I read zoology even though I feel like i didn’t because it is soo confusing. For my snack I had plain chobani with a cup of cereal, some peanut butter, cocoa almonds & unpictured frozen grapes on the side.
Then I pretty much did nothing with my life. Sundays here are so quiet because everyone is recoveirng from the weekend/studying haha. I did manage to video chat with my awesome parents :-\ hahah…yeah they are cool. check out my mom’s wig & glasses..sweet…
& the lovely father… yeah it was his first time playing with the i-chat..hahha
My parents also informed me they purchased greek yogurt for themselves!!! ha… yesss.
Finally Gardner got back! We ate dinner together and I got this weird flatbread sandwich with chicken, cheese, bbq sauce, etc. It was pretty good but i don’t know if i’ll get it again.
how was your weekend?
♥♥♥♥
I was trying to decide what to write about on this post because i’m torn. On the one hand, I want to be honest with you all and how I am feeling but on the other hand, I don’t want to appear weak. I came to the conclusion that honesty is always the best. I don’t need to pretend to be in a certain mood if i’m not and everyone has off days or things that bother them.
I am doing pretty well, don’t get me wrong. I had fun with my friends this weekend and i’ve been following my meal plan. The problem is, I am starting to notice my weight gain. This is the part I have been dreading. I’ve reached a weight that I think appears healthy but I know I still have some more weight to gain. It is hard to accept it but I am really trying.
At the same time, I feel like in retrospect, my problems are so small! There are so many worse things. Obviously the Haiti situation is just horrible and it makes me so sad to think about all the people suffering right now. They would do anything to have the food that I am able to eat.
Also, a friend told me that she was beaten up on campus in Ohio while waiting for her ride and is now deaf in one ear and has tons of bruises/scars. She was in the hospital all weekend. I feel terrible for her and it made me realize how many worse things there are out there. I hope she is ok ❤
All in all- i’m LUCKY: lucky to have an amazing, supportive family. Lucky to have the best boyfriend in the universe. Lucky to have lots of friends. Lucky to have the opportunity to have an amazing education. Lucky to be free and Lucky to have choices.
Anyways, sorry for the more serious post- just had some things I wanted to say!
Hope you all have great weeks !
what is something you are looking forward to this week?
xoxoxoox
Shelley♥
Finding Happiness and Health 
I am so impressed by your wisdom. Your recovery blog is honestly one of the very few legitimate ones with good intentions. I’m proud of you, and I don’t even know you!
I think that you should be able to say how you feel and expressing these emotions is good for you- and good for us because we like hearing about you. That said, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend!
I know you can do it and the healthy you probably looks like a bombshell! You are beautious no matter what!
I’m looking forward to morning coffee and rides with my hubby work, and more importantly, rides HOME! Never get a job- stay in college forever!
Have a great day, hun!
Woah. I’m so sorry for your friend. Talk about putting life in perspective. I wish her and you so much “luck” and happiness.
Your pic w/the girls is so cute.
i’m sorry to hear about your friend, that is an awful thing! campus violence is so scary. and hearing loss is no fun—i can tell you that one :(. you’re right, what’s going on in haiti is horrible, and there are so many big problems throughout the world. that doesn’t mean, however, that your problems are insignificant. of course it’s good to put things in perspective, but you have to remind yourself that you did not CHOOSE to have anorexia, even if sometimes it feels that way. it is a true illness, and the same way you wouldn’t be faulted for having cancer and complaining about chemo, you shouldn’t feel bad for struggling with your recovery from your ED. i’m proud of you for continuing to follow your meal plan and for being social, neither of those things are easy when you’re feeling self-conscious! ❤ u shelley!
Oh my gosh, your poor friend! That stuff is what scares me! By the way your parents are absolutely adorable!
Hey I definitely feel for you on the whole friends thing in college. I’m a senior and when I was a freshman it was really hard for me to find in place and meet people who I connected with. I have lots of friends but never felt like I really connected with them. Anyways if you want to talk feel free to email me. Also I love how you like kombochas. I love them and my roommates were making fun of them haha
Aaw Shelley reading how you feel doesn’t make me think you’re weak at all. You’re uber strong, not only for fighting through the distorted ED thoughts regarding your weight and body but for having the courage to be honest about them on this blog.
That sounds terrible and so scary about your friend. 😦 It’s true that there are horrible things going on in the world and important to keep that perspective, but the suffering of others doesn’t diminish from what you are going through either. I’m so glad you enjoyed your weekend. That picture of you with your friends is adorable!
Rachael*
Glad you posted your truth and spoke it. I bet you feel a little lighter, like ahhhh, ok, that’s better, weight off chest 🙂 Wishing you nothing but the best, sweetie!
And i remember my pledge class and all the crazy stuff we pulled…ahh, priceless memories!
Hey, same question I just blogged 😉 ‘what are you looking forward to?’ maybe it’s the new week/end of weekend universal thought process?
glad to hear you had a good weekend, overall and i loved hearing about your eating breakfast and going back to sleep. 😀 hahaha sounds like my campus too! (dead on the weekends)
Anyway, dealing with weight gain and issues of body acceptance is something a lot of us are going through, definitely know that you are not alone! Also, I have been thinking a lot lately about myself, my issues and the ‘bigger’, ‘more important’ things going on…Haiti, etc. I’m in the same boat as you on this one. Thing is, though, that I think it’s the life experiences and events that you (and I) have had to deal with and overcome that present us with our current issues/events, right? I mean, if we were in a third world country, eating disorders wouldn’t be the front runner. But these are our issues, what we have to face. WHat I’m trying to say is that, everyone has their obstacles in life, we are all handed our cards and it’s not what we’re dealt, it’s how you play. :] So, keep playing hard, keep fighting and know that there are others out there feeling the same way.
Good job and thanks for being honest. Can I give you an advice that maybe sounds a bit strange? Don’t think too much about the weight gain. Take it as it is (you HAVE to reach and easily maintain a truly healthy BMI, no doubts, it’s just what you have to do and nothing’s gonna change that) and just do it. Try to see it like a situation that you can’t change. Think about the benefits and enjoy your ‘normal’ life, that will only become much and much better…stay strong girl!
xxx Julia (Taste of Living)
It is true, thinking about the bigger problems in the world does make ours seem small. But it is important to recognize that our problems are still problems. And we need to honor and treat them and work on them.
Glad you had a fun weekend babe!
Lots-of-Love,
Lex
Please don’t worry about the weight gain. I know what you mean about feeling that your problem is tiny compared to others, but if it’s still a problem to you it’s still important. Its hard to be positive about weight gain but think about how well you’ve done, how much you’ve fought to get better – you are doing so well. keep going xx
That’s great that your parents bought Greek yogurt! Mine have started eating kale and sweet potatoes since reading my blog. LOL.
Shelley, you are wise beyond your years. Yes, some people are dealing with difficult times, but so are you. As long as you keep it in perspective, you’re welcome to feeling and sharing your struggles.
I am sure it is tough girl but you seem to be handling it SO well. You really are wise beyond your years!!
Wow, I’m so sorry for your friend I hope she recovers quickly!
hey lovahhh!! sounds like you had a fabyulous weekend !i love the pics from ichat! haha I love playing aroudn with my mac…if I am bored I snap some pics and do those special effects, yeah Im a dork!!
omg my heart goes out to your friend, that is so terrible to hear and also very hard to believe, but things do happen all the time like this, which is the sad sad truth. Keep your head up and just keep your arms wide open for her
xoxox love yougirl!
Girl, you can write about whatever you want- we wouldn’t read if we didn’t care! I worried that when I gained weight people would be able to notice and start to talk, but you know what? The only people who can are my family and friends and boyfriend…the people who will stick with me and be happy for my health, not gossip because I’ve gained. It’s good that you realize there are bigger problems in the world, but don’t feel bad for treating this as a big deal. It’s what you feel, and you know you’re not a bad person for it! xoxo
I hope your friend is okay.
Shelley, I know what you mean about being “weak”…like my blog sometimes goes in a dierection I REALLY dont want it to…so i ought to shut up 🙂 …. but then again, i mean , if i dont express my thoughts or worries or BE ME (insecurities and all) then how can i benefit? You know? Like, there is so much more value to a blog if u can Benefit from it somehow.
Girl…keep chugging thru….the weight gain means NOTHING…its all just a process of adaptation…
Sometimes i wish i could have someone like u or Amanda or someone just prepare all my meals and snacks…it always looks so great 🙂
Hey shelley 🙂
Glad you had a fab weekend!
You have great perspective girl. Keep your head up. I’ll say a prayer for your friend.
xx
Lauren
This is YOUR blog. You could never appear weak to us, for you have already won our admiration with your impeccable ability to persevere. Your weight gain is only an addition of health to your being… that much closer to bringing the loathed Gertrude to an inescapable death.
My wishes are with your friend, I hope she’s doing alright 🙂
❤
merittothecarrot.org
I am so sorry about your friend. I hope she gets better and presses charges on the jerk who assaulted her. I’m so sorry 😦
Good for you for being honest. It’s a struggle, but you just have to ignore the weight gain and remember it’s healthy. Not the easiest thing to do, I know, but it’s really the only thing. Stay strong!
You aren’t weak for feeling a particular way; it’s only natural that you won’t be 1000% upbeat all the time. Like you said, honesty is best… at least you aren’t deluding yourself!
❤ ❤
You have a right to feel your problems, you have a right to be sad/mad/confused/upset any time you feel it. It is humbling seeing all the problems around you, but its funny that human nature still lets your own problems eat you up inside. No “problem” is bigger or smaller…inside, it hurts just the same.
Hang in there girl, and vent all you need. You ARE lucky, but you are also very strong, wise, and GORGEOUS!
I am in the same boat as you at the moment…sticking to myself and what I need to do to stay healthy, as well as going out with friends had the same effect on me.
but just keep reminding yourself that health and happiness is what it’s all about 🙂 and you got it girl! It just might be hard to see it sometimes!
Have a good monday and today is a new day!
xo- Molly
http://www.givinganythingbutup.wordpress.com
Even though your problems may seem small compared to what’s going on in the world, they’re still a big deal to you. It’s ok to talk, complain, vent, cry, etc. etc. No worries! 🙂
You’re doing great and you just have to keep telling yourself that you’re gaining weight to be healthier. And hopefully soon you’ll be really happy and accepting of the positive changes you’ve made!
I’m so sorry about your friend 😦 I think you’re a really smart girl- you put things into perspective perfectly and I love that you’re honest!
Just remember that healthy weight does not equal fat. I know it’s easier said than believed, but stay positive 🙂
I’m glad you’re enjoying your sorority!
One thing that i was told during my recovery that helped me sooooo much was that you HAVE to be uncomfortable for any change to happen.
You’re probably uncomfortable with the weight gain right now, but you need to fight through it! Things will get easier, but this period is def the worst.
If you ever need to chat, drop me a note! I’ve been through all of this, too. Keep your head up!
Shelley, I love you, girl. Had to say that first. 🙂
Reading this post makes me miss college so much. ALL OF IT. Being on campus, studying, partying…I loved every aspect of college. Enjoy it while you can – it goes so fast!
I absolutely love that you were able to put your problems in “perspective.” I totally had one of thoses moments a couple weeks ago. I texted my best friend (who knows about my ED), and told her when I really think about it, I feel silly and immature for worrying about the things I do. There are so many more important things in life than my weight, and there are people out there that have “real” problems and stressors. I think we (you, me…probably all of us) would stand to benefit by keeping these things in mind.
I’m so proud of you (I feel like I “know” you LOL) for kicking Gertrude’s ass! You really are a shining example of how even though recovery is hard as hell, it’s POSSIBLE and WORTH IT!
Much love, girl! 🙂
Hiya love! Glad your weekend was good and that you had fun with your friends! That pic of your mom with the glasses is hilarious 🙂 And your eats delish (as always)
I’m glad you were honest about how you’re feeling… Recovering is hard, especially dealing with weight gain. There are a lot of up and down days, and that’s okay. You’ve done amazingly so far and you’re sticking to your meal plan, so that’s what’s important. The only real way to deal with the discomfort is to push through it, and I know you can do it girl!
Hope your week started off fabulously ❤
yay shell! you are on the right path.. i remember the moment i started to notice too..but TRY not to focus on it so much..it will all even out eventually, right now it just seems so hard, and this IS one of the hardest parts. just gota keep going!
I’m sorry to hear about your friend and hope she recovers quick from what she can!
You’re a tough/brave girl and i know you can get through these times that might be a bit harder than others. i know i go through days like that still, after having felt recovered for years. so fear not! we’re always here for you!
sounds like quite the successful weekend to me 🙂
& you’re right there are people with unbelievable problems out there, but you know that doesn’t mean your problems don’t matter, because they do. i know you will conquer them!
happy monday!
xoxo
You are beautiful and the weight gain is only making your more beautiful. Tell yourself that everyday! You CAN beat this honey! You can and you will! 🙂
Honesty IS always best.
I hope your friend is ok – thats horrible! There are some awful people out there.
Also – yes there are lots of people dealing with tragedy, and living every day in situations we couldnt even imagine. But dont let that make you feel bad for having your own problems. Theyre not the same, but they still matter, and they are still important.
I just did a post about being lucky/thankful too! Not that we don’t all have our problems, but keeping them in perspective is actually helpful – it keeps us less stressed and makes us happier. It’s good to see blogland is a positive enviroment : )
But I do hope your friend is okay!
Also – your parents are hilarious! Now that’s something to be happy about. Have a good day hun!
All your food looks delicious and You look like you had so much fun with your sorority! wooo!
And your parents are too cute! I love that you video chat with them- It’s awesome:) hehe… AND MY MOM LIKES GREEK YOGURT BECAUSE OF ME NOW TOO! Our parents should totally hang out 🙂 hehe
And girl! You aren’t weak!! I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I’ve been so impressed by all the progress you seem to have made and your ability to stick to your meal plan is amazing! I know putting on weight can be discouraging, but it’s just what you gotta do!
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend and I really hope she is okay!
A certain element of weakness is part of being human. No-one would expect you to be 100% strong all the time and to do so would make you infallible, which just isn’t possible. No journey of recovery can be utterly smooth, otherwise no-one would still be suffering from EDs! Please don’t put yourself down so much ~ your problems are valid ones and I believe that psychological illnesses are the most challenging thing that a person can endure because they are constant. What happened to your friend was awful and I understand your frustration and concern, but the pain you feel inside is just as real as any physical injury.
On a brighter note, I love the party photo of you! If you look that stunning at 2am, then you’re obviously doing something very right 🙂
❤
~Jess~
Awww, yes we are all so lucky, but don’t think that your issues don’t matter. Even though your problems may not be quite the size of the tragic disaster in Haiti, you are still worth having people care about you and hope that you are living as healthfully as possible. You know what I mean? Don’t feel guilty for working on improving yourself. Hugs!! 🙂
Girl you at right! You don’t need to pretend to be someone you aren’t! Just be the real Shelley!
If you are having a bad day then let us know. If you are having a fab day then let us know!
This is you blog and you should do what you want to and express yourself!!
Jenna
Girl just trust your body and so long as you aren’t over eating every meal plus snacking when you aren’t hungry or emotional eating your body will equilibrate itself to its perfect weight and you will look great.
Besides once you get to your ideal weight you can start exercising and toning and look ever greater than you already do! Stick with it – being healthy is what’s important 🙂
I always love reading your entries! And the citrus kombucha is amazinggggg!
❤
Ashlei
shelley i know exsactly what you mean when you say oh your problems are so small. but honestly are they? your ED are you symptomes, something greater is beneath that, that caused your ED to come out in the first palce. i am sure that you know some of the things that triggered you into the ED and those are VERY IMPORTANT! so yeah maybe you didn’t survive an earthquake BUT you could have killed yourself with this ED because something in your life was not right for you!
the seriosness of these two are very similar since it cost human lives.
and it’s totally okay to have days where everything seems gray and the weight is making you feel down, BUT there are always the good days where you will feel better again and where you realize that those few kg are actually looking really good on you 😉
xx
It is tooottalllyy normal to experience what you are experiencing right now. You should not be ashamed of your feelings. I struggled with seeing my body transform, everyone who gains weight does. But this body you are nourishing is SO capable and can do SO much, just you wait and see 🙂
I am super excited for my job interview on Wednesday! I hope I get the job!
oh my god i’m SO sorry about your friend! but glad that she’s okay!
sounds like you had such a fun weekend and you’re making such amazing progress girl 🙂 love hearing you let lose! woo hoo!
I also struggle with the “should I be honest or just post about other things”. Most of the time I choose “other things” because I feel like I’ve failed.. but I love how you are able to be honest. By doing it I feel like some of your courage is rubbing off on me. ❤
I hope your friend is okay! That's really awful. =(
Oh my goodness!! That’s so sad to hear about your friend. Praying for her!
I’m glad you had such a great weekend with your friends–that’s so important!
❤ jess
xoxo
Hang in there Shelley! It will get easier. You’re such a beauty no matter how much you weigh.
xoxoxoxo
Sarah
http://www.sarahdbelle.wordpress.com
Woah I am so sorry about what happened to your friend. That is so awful. I hope she is okay now.
Oh no, I’m sorry about your friend! It’s so confusing/tough to worry about your problems when you’re conscious of so many horrible things going on elsewhere. We definitely need to take care of ourselves, but also definitely need to think of others. I guess it’s all about that key word: balance. I just try to pray about it as much as I can.
Hope your week goes well!
❤ Nell
Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your friend! That’s terrible!
Shelley, you’re doing amazing though- it’s natural to feel iffy when you start to notice the weight gain (i had that this weekend too when I was trying on jeans and was like hit in the face that I’m no longer the size I used to be when I was sick) but I remembered that if I were still that size I wouldn’t have the energy to be living the great college experience finally (which my anorexia had prevented me from doing in my freshman and sophomore years…boy do I regret that.) And despite the weight gain, I know I’m not fat- and I actually have learned to like my body a lot better now…I mean I actually look like a woman now kind of haha!
Anyways your eats are awesomeeeee! I think we have similar tastes!
xoxo
Shelley, the stuff you are struggling with…it takes ENORMOUS courage and strength. Don’t disregard your battles, they are hard, and you’ve already come so far in your recovery. Of course, you still have some ways to go…but I see that you are still persisting, despite the uncomfortable and awkward weight gain. and THAT itself is a huge thing. Don’t downplay it, Shelley! You are amazing!
So sorry about your friend though…God, that is horrible.
Hey Girl,
Don’t minimize your own situation. Yes shit happens everywhere, but yours counts too, so don’t worry about needing to vent or needing an outlet for it. We’ll still be here for you, reading away and supporting you!
Loves!
Hey babe!
Your parents are adorable! Too funny. Looks like your having fun at college (I’m impressed you were up that early!)
Love the positive attitude. Keep thinking of lucky you are….you have the right mentality : )
xo
Jocelyn
Parents and technology are a hilarious combo. My parents had many funny mishaps when I tried Skyping them while I was in europe. Have a good week dearest!
OMG I just started crying when i read that about that girl. I was the victim of campus violence and i am sooo sorry.
I am also sorry you are struggling with noticing the weight gain. It’s not an easy thing, of course. But just remember sweetie, you are gaining health, not just weight. Love to you!!!! xoxo
Ahhh beautiful! I am so glad you got this off your chest 😉 I think it makes you feel better when you do. Plus you have all of us to give you hugs!
It looks like you had a wonderful weekend 🙂
XXOO
Oh dear I feel so sorry for your friend! Violence is so terrible and wrong. 😦
Thanks for writing about your struggles anyway. We’re all far from perfect and even though some problems seem small (compared to what other people have to go through) they’re still problems that we have to deal with! So don’t be ashamed of having these thoughts.
Gaining weight IS scary for someone who is recovering from an eating disorder.
You’re a fantastic person Shelley! Never forget that :).
xo
I’ll definitely have to try some new stuff. I’m not a HUGE fan of oatmeal, but maybe if it is in different form it’d be okay.
Shelley!
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend.. and your troubled thoughts at the moment. Sometimes it can be really eye-opening to see how rough some people truly have it. The fact that you are so thankful for everything despite your disordered thoughts is admirable 🙂 I always seem to come away from your posts with insight.
xox
Tat
hey shelley! your eats look so great as usual 😉 aw i am so sorry about your friend! thats horrible. and reading your blog is so inspiring, not anything else. you are doing an amazing job fighting ed and plus your posts are really fun – for example those ichat photos 😀 your parents are so cool! and my mom loves greek yogurt now. ill like walk into the kitchen and shes like eating it with almond butter and i crack up. i love mommas. have a great rest of your day! xoxo soph
I know how scary the weight gain can be. I’m experiencing the same thing myself. But look on the bright side:
1) You wont be FREEZING all the time ( I know I am always cold because my body fat % is so low)
2) I won’t look like a little 10 year old boy anymore.
3) You get more boobs and butt 🙂
4) You can ease into eating normally and not stress about food as much.
You’re doing great girl! Keep it up and eat healthy (like you are already doing) and everything will work itself out.
PS. You are gorgeous!
Keep up the hard work, Shell. It’s worth it!
You have lots of great friends, but Gertrude isn’t one of them.
Love,
Dad