20 Jan

Hi again!

Today was the first day of the semester- it is crazy how fast the first semester flew by. To be honest, I was kind of excited because i love having a routine. Days that I have no plans tend to cause me some anxiety (unfortunately) but it was a good start to the semester.

I woke up and ate breakfast which was vanilla oikos, a cup of graham bumpers, sliced apple, raisins, and peanut butter.

Oikos sent me some coupons so I was so excited to try their yogurts!! I loved the vanilla flavor. Thanks Oikos!!

My first class was Econ 101. Though I am 95% sure I want to be a psychology major, I still want to take the business prerequisites so the option to apply for the business school is open! Class was boring- pretty much just going over the syllabus.

Then I had my class called relaxation & technical exercise– oh my gooodnessss i LOVE this class already!!! It is all about relaxation techniques, flexibility, stress management, and MASSAGEEE (amaazing).. I have a feeling this is going to be my fav class πŸ™‚ I really could use some relaxation techniques!!

oh, and the teacher was totallllly eccentric– picture a lady, just maybe 5 feet tall, with short white hair (curled under) & glasses, a purple sweater with a cat on it, & a hat that has sunglasses attached to it… & that’s my teacher- haha! She seems like a sweet lady.

at 12 I had my first meeting with my nutritionist on campus- she was proud of me for the progress i’ve made in terms of weight & the meeting went well.

For lunch I had a wheat wrap grilled with turkey, soy american cheese & veggies with cheddar bunnies (yum!!!) & after i had some of a granola bar bc i didn’t meet all my exchanges.

At 2:30 I had my weather & climate class (which i am swapping for zoology 101…psych requirement) and after I had my snack.

A blueberry bliss luna bar which was SO good & an unpictured handful of granola

I had to cash some checks, get a textbook, etc. & then before I knew it, it was dinner time! I ate with the boy.. I kinda made my own dinner because nothing at the cafeteria sounded appetizing- sunshine burger (SO GOOD) on a flat out with swiss cheese, carrots, an apple & a baked potato with ketchup πŸ™‚

After dinner, a few of my sorority friends came over & we watched youtube videos, chatted, gossiped, etc. πŸ™‚ It was fun! When they left, I knew it was snack time again.. I had a strawberry oikos with banana nut granola.

I honestly am proud of myself for following my meal plan today. Every day is getting easier. With that being said, I am still struggling with the thought of wanting to stay at a lower weight than my target weight. The difference now, however, is that I am able to recognize that my wanting to be a lower weight than target is completely part of my eating disorder, and not a part of me. Rationally, i know that my target weight is 100% reasonable.

Why am I so scared of it?

Why do I care about being thin? Who do I want to be thin for? These kind of questions help me realize how absurd and selfish Gertrude is [;-)]. I need to stick with my meal plan because I need to prove to my family, friends, boyfriend, & myself that I am stronger than this. I can beat this, & I will.

I have been trying to avoid falling into fat talk, but it is so hard. Fat talk is all around me. I constantly hear girls talking about wanting to lose weight but I am trying my best to not let it trigger me and to just focus on my health.


1) Do you do better on a schedule, or do you do better just going with the flow?

2) How do you deal with ‘fat talk’?

& lastly

3) Girls who have recovered from eating disorders/are recovering- how do you cope with accepting your target weight?

Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY (love the alliteration). Until next timee..



ps- Hi Mommy!! I miss you πŸ™‚ hehe


102 Responses to “Routines”

  1. Stef @ moretolifethanlettuce January 20, 2010 at 1:48 am #

    oh that class sounds so cool! OMG i do so much better on a schedule too, routines aren’t always a bad thing :). happy spring semester!! so cute that you gave your mom a shout out lol

  2. lindsey January 20, 2010 at 2:15 am #

    1. schedule, or i’m a lazy butt.
    2. i have learned to ignore it or i’ll get sucked into it…eventually it’s just natural to not get roped in.
    3. i’m recovered at basically at my target weight. i took it meal by meal. as i challenged myself, each meal became easier and easier. eventually, i learned that my “scary” foods weren’t making me fat, but they were making me happier and healthier. sure i still have times when i don’t like what i see in the mirror, but that’s when you weigh the pros and cons. i’d rather be happy and healthy than sickly and bony. bony does not equal pretty either. my boyfriend cannot stress that enough πŸ™‚

    ♥ lindsey

  3. julia January 20, 2010 at 2:42 am #

    Great that you recognize the crazy thinking of ED (Gertrude). About a truly healthy weight: you have to accept it. Take it as it is, don’t doubt it. Why wouldn’t you wanna be perfectly healthy? The best for your body? A good chance to really prevent relapse? (All reason to go for a truly healthy BMI)…The only reason is ED and you know what, you won’t listen to that crap!;)

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  4. justjac January 20, 2010 at 2:46 am #

    WOw Shelly,
    We have so. much. in common.
    I totally agree about the schedule thing–I love being busy (well, most of the time ;)) and definitely run better on a schedule… i also definitely struggle with the whole gaining weight/accepting the goal weight number thing… it’s hard but i agree each day i follow/increase my MP makes it a little easier, no?
    Take care and glad you like your classes!

    Jaclyn πŸ˜€

  5. Lexi January 20, 2010 at 4:12 am #

    Isn’t oikos delicious!? It’s one of my favorite yogurts, up there with fage. I personally hate fat talk. It makes me feel so sad when my friends poke at their own bodies. I think everyone I know is beautiful so it’s hard to listen to them speak negatively about their bodies!!

    I had the same thoughts when I was on weight gain- why am I so scared of being at a normal, healthy weight?? I think it’s just a part of the chemical effects of eating disorders. when we think of gaining weight, we panic.

    Have a great week!!!
    Love you!

  6. MelissaNibbles January 20, 2010 at 4:48 am #

    Oh girl, I live on a schedule. If I don’t plan every second, I freak out. It’s a control thing. Whatever, I could have worse issues and have had worse issues so it’s okay πŸ™‚

    I want to take your class! You know I need that massage like whoa. The teacher sounds like me in about 5 years. I’d love to meet her.

    Stay strong girl!

  7. taylor January 20, 2010 at 4:54 am #

    i recovered and now am actually a few lbs over the original target (binges which is common) and actually i LOVE my body. i dont look like a 6 year old anymore, i have curves and ENERGY! which is my favorite(;

  8. Meg January 20, 2010 at 6:23 am #

    really, you are such an inspiration for me. i have commented before that i recovered from my eating disorder which occurred right around my freshman year of college (i’m a senior now), but of course, there are some days that i still find myself with minor setbacks. so thank you for having the strength to make this blog and continue to fight Gertrude.

  9. Jessica @ How Sweet It Is January 20, 2010 at 6:45 am #

    I definitely feel better on a schedule. I used to freak out if I couldn’t be on a schedule (anything, not just food), but have learned with age that we can’t control everything.

  10. Lauren (BiochemΓ­sta) January 20, 2010 at 6:55 am #

    Hey girl πŸ™‚

    All of your food looks amazing…I’m hungry now!

    I am much better on a schedule but I think a schedule should be used more as a guideline than set in stone. I used to beat myself up for not meeting every task I set for the day. I think each day should be taken a day at a time and if you can’t meet every task, it’s okay. Try to use the schedule as a way to focus yourself on the majority of things that need to be done rather than stressing over every single item.

    Oh, and I totallyyy keep weekends for going with the flow πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚



  11. Lily @ Lily's Health Pad January 20, 2010 at 7:28 am #

    That relaxation class sounds amazing! And your teacher definitely sounds like a hoot.

  12. Whitney @ Lettuce Love January 20, 2010 at 7:51 am #

    Your relaxation class sounds great — eccentric profs are the best too! I am much more of a routine person than go with the flow. It is easy for me to break my routine and do something spontaneous but I prefer knowing what is ahead. And fat talk, I think as time passes it becomes less and less apart of my thinking.

  13. Jenna January 20, 2010 at 7:55 am #

    Wow Shelley that relaxation class sounds perfect for you and I’m kind of jealous πŸ˜‰
    glad you are following your meal plan and your nutrition appt went well.
    I always need to have a set schedule! I hate it when I don’t and I hate it when things change. It causes mucho anxiety for me!
    I am with ya girl! Fat talk is so hard to deal with! Losing weight is everywhere and it is extremely difficult to not compare yourself to them and know what you are doing is what you need to do:)

  14. Rachel January 20, 2010 at 8:05 am #

    I definitely do better with routines. I’m so excited for my semester to get under way (my classes don’t start til next monday) so i can get organized and have a set schedule again.
    as for fat talk, it’s tough to deal with and can def be triggering especially when I hear girls I think of as thinner saying they need to lose weight.. i just try to remember that food is good and that we need it and then i try to not compare my own eating and body to others.
    by the way, i’m kind of new to having my own blog, but i’ve been reading yours for awhile and I really like it! Have a goood day πŸ™‚

  15. Abby January 20, 2010 at 8:08 am #

    Im a creature of habit so a schedule is best for me.. as a teacher, I follow a strict schedule daily.. Im not psycho, but I kinda like knowing HOW things are gonna go!!

    That being said.. I wanna take relaxation class!!

  16. tinareale January 20, 2010 at 8:22 am #

    I am so a routine type of gal. I will quickly get into a rut if I don’t feel like I have something purposeful to do on a given day.

    And while I have not recovered from an ED, I am dealing with adjusting to being at a higher weight for health myself. It’s tough. I competed in a figure competition and afterwards had to put on 15 lbs to get my body back to healthy functioning. Things that helped me adjust were to always remember it was to be healthier, changing out some items in my wardrobe for better fitting stuff so I didn’t feel “fat” in my clothes, and removing myself from any atmosphere that left me comparing myself negatively to other women. Those may not be enough for you since you are facing something bigger, but I still wanted to offer things that helped me. You are doing great and 100% you will overcome this!

  17. theemptynutjar January 20, 2010 at 8:27 am #

    Shelley…I assume you are majoring in psych? What year of university are you in? Living in a dorm?
    – yes , you are right…that is the “voice” in your head telling you these things…you are more than that….dont get trapped with “comfortable”….you never know how much healthier and beautiful things can be..
    -remember…its just all adjustment…at one weight you will see something, then eventually adjust…eaach higher amount will bring initial shock…but then adjustment…you just cant remember what “real normal” is…so your perception is skewed.
    -your eats are fantastic πŸ™‚
    – right now i am routine – flow — just a mess – still never ever hungry and have to force myself to eat by a clock — i just…hate it!

  18. Gabriela January 20, 2010 at 8:30 am #

    I NEED to have a plan. I’m such a scheduler, and it’s not always a good thing, so I’m trying to go with the flow more!

    I’ll admit that “fat talk” can be really triggering. I hate going out to dinner and feeling bad when I order a sandwich and my friend orders a salad because she’s “on a diet.” What I remind myself is that I have to work on staying at a healthy weight far more than most people, since I have history with ED and I love to run. Besides, it’s their loss- who wouldn’t want to eat more delicious food?!

    I haven’t gone into my ED recovery on my blog yet because it’s not something I’m 100% comfortable sharing yet (though it was nearly five years ago!), but I was never “underweight” in terms of my body frame since with a healthy diet and regular exercise, I’m naturally thin. That being said, I gained 8 pounds in the initial months of my recovery, and I’ve gained 5 more pounds over the last several years. The longer you work at it, the easier it is to accept your body regardless of your weight, as long as you take good care of it!

    Enjoy your day, girl!

  19. Julie @savvyeats January 20, 2010 at 8:42 am #

    Welcome back to Madison!
    It is so exciting to read your realizations about ED and your target weight… that is a step in the right direction to start recovering… Go you!

  20. The Candid RD January 20, 2010 at 8:42 am #

    I love to hear that you are finding peace with yourself, and accepting your challenge ahead. You truly sound like someone who has come very far and has a bright ED-free future ahead of you.
    When I used to struggle about my target weight, I simply reminded myself how much better I would feel once I reached it. I wouldn’t be losing my hair as much, I wouldn’t be as tired, and I’d be able to fit into clothes without getting them altered a billion times! Those reminders were helpful, and they all were TRUE!

  21. Simply Life January 20, 2010 at 8:44 am #

    yum! That breakfast looks amazing!

  22. Molly January 20, 2010 at 8:47 am #

    Im so glad you’re doing well and getting settled in. I HATED Econ 101 when I took it. I remember struggling all the way through (math is not my strong point haha) and studying a total of 15 hours for the exam. BLAH! be glad when it’s over! Hopefully your teacher is wayyy better than ours!

    1) Do you do better on a schedule, or do you do better just going with the flow?
    I am a spontanious person, so going with the flow doesnt bother me all too much…but on my own I’d much rather have a schedule. I freak out inside if I dont.

    2) How do you deal with β€˜fat talk’?
    I hate fat talk. but more so I hate talk that involves how much someone has eaten (or more specifically, NOT eaten) in a day. My parents are on a diet and i just want to scream that they are doing it all wrong! A half a sandwhich in one day is NOT healthy! Diet or not! grrrrr Its so triggering, but I dont know how to bring that up to them 😦

    3) Girls who have recovered from eating disorders/are recovering- how do you cope with accepting your target weight?
    Accepting is hard. Especially when you have this notion in your head that you arent suppose to stay there. Its like I just got so used to losing weight instead of gaining. but maintaining is so much easier. I eat what I want, and I worry far less about calories and things. My Ed was partially eating/excessive exersize so limiting that too makes you restless. but once you reach it, you wont even notice it that much because you have been working up to it for so long, the change wont seem that great.
    To be honest, most days, I love my curves and the fact I actually have a butt now lol and my boy does too! haha Youll find the things you start to love about having a body that is healthy and happy. It just makes life so much better.

    Great job girl! Im rootin for ya!

    xo- Molly

    (sorry about the novel!)

  23. kbwood January 20, 2010 at 9:01 am #

    girl-its all about having a plan.
    you just GOT to keep pushing and try NOT to think about it too much..just keep telling yourself that YOU need to do this..and seriously YOU Are different than those other girls who are trying to lose need to accept that and not compare.
    you are doing great shell! please keep pushing hard! you will LOOK and feel better!

  24. Lo January 20, 2010 at 9:03 am #

    Maintaining is diff for all girls. It takes time to trust that reaching your target or “happy” weight is “okay”. It is hard at first to hear the words “you look so great” or “you look so healthy”–but these ARE good things–not bad! Take the compliments and trust that your body is where it needs to be–for your health. With moderation in both eating and exercise your body just knows the weight it needs to be at. The body is such an interesting machine. Appreciate the curves, appreciate your natural self (as you were meant to be) and appreciate being able to taste new foods or eat things not in a meal plan. Being at a goal weight is just a better place for both you and the people who love you.

    also, Fat Talk: you just have to block out any words or thoughts people may say around you. You know what you are doing is RIGHT FOR YOU—so just ignore the negative fat talk, and continue down the right path. You can even stand up for people who put themselves down by telling them they are beautiful and don’t need to say negative things about their bodies.

    now onto food—ummm i NEED to try that luna bar and graham bumpers ASAP. They look balla.


  25. Danielle January 20, 2010 at 9:07 am #

    I def. like having a schedule! I’m a type-A organized neat freak πŸ˜›
    I know what you mean about hearing all this “fat talk.” I’m in a sorority too & it’s everywhere. That Hungry Girl “cookbook” has become a bible around our house. I just remind myself constantly that I’ve grown a lot over the past couple years and that I’m thankful I have confidence and by showing that, maybe others will follow πŸ™‚

  26. Brynne January 20, 2010 at 9:08 am #

    I love being back on a schedule too! Your relaxation class sounds AMAZING – I’m so jeal. I think we all need a class in relaxation, fo realz. Hope you have a great day love<3

  27. Katie January 20, 2010 at 9:19 am #

    I can not break from a schedule… It drives me INSANE and makes me anxious. I need to work on this!

    Fat talk REALLY affects me I usually fall into it with them or at the least feel insane guilt for what I’m eating.

    I don’t always cope well. I say I’m OK with where I’m at, but reality is I haven’t bought new clothes since I gained it… I just don’t enjoy it anymore. I put my heart and soul into working out and running because my ONLY incentive for staying where I am or close to it is that I can run half and full marathons.

    I need the stress management class I am waaay too uptight!

    Have a great day you are doing AMAZING and are a great inspiration!

  28. Naomi(onefitfoodie) January 20, 2010 at 9:34 am #

    i NEED a schedule!! I hate not knowing what will come next…this is something I struggle with and have worked on for years! I am such a creature of habit and when there is big change or spontaneous things come up, i get bad anxiety! needless to say I have come a long way still trying to be flexible and taking what like throws at me, BUT I will always be a creature of habit πŸ™‚

    I am so proud of you for following your plan! your meals look so well balanced and yummy!

    you need to remind yourself constantly how you are getting healthier each and every day. The fact that you are taking this head on and doing an amazing job is a victory in itself.

    Keep it up shelley! πŸ™‚


  29. Shelleysveryproudmom January 20, 2010 at 9:52 am #

    Hi Shelley,
    Keep up the good work. You are doing such a good job! Can’t wait to hear more about your classes. Maybe i will sign up for that relaxation you think I can get in? LOL I need it!
    Love you!

  30. adrienmelaine January 20, 2010 at 10:25 am #

    Shelley! You are kicking ass! Don’t worry about having days when you’re struggling, know that you are killing your program and you will feel so much better afterwards!

    When I was dealing with all the fat talk going through recovery, I reminded myself that skinny people aren’t happy (at least I wasn’t when I was tiny), and that when I got to my recovery weight, had other things going on, food wouldn’t rule my life, I would rule my life. It’s tough, but you get to a point where other things become more important then being “skinny”- which so many things are- and let go, life becomes so much easier. You have to be at your healthy weight to accept that, and it’s hard to do, but you are amazing, and will succeed. Don’t worry about it when bad days happen, they happen to all of us, just accept that recovery isn’t perfect, just like life.


  31. *Andrea* January 20, 2010 at 10:26 am #

    i wish being at college meant a set schedule. my classes are so random! but i agree, much less anxiety with a routine. . .

    i HATE FAT TALK!!! my 2 roommates are doing it a lot now and i just got back to school and huge changes are a trigger for me (to binge/restrict) ugh. at home my sister and parents dont do fat talk so i’m more comfortable but at school i have to just ZONE THEM OUT and focus on my health and happiness. i also try and think about “what would a blogger do” instead πŸ˜‰ you’re doing great! good food and good choices!

    i’m a business major so i strongly recommend it haha but i also like psych. i think they go together quite well too because a lot of decisions in business are based on behavioral choices which psych can help explain! if i could go back to fresh year (im a senior) i wish i would have dabbled in some psych classes instead of taking all finance/acctg

  32. blueeyedheart January 20, 2010 at 10:50 am #

    Hmm… I think I do better with a schedule. But I have to keep switching it up so that I don’t get too rigid with it! A “flexible schedule”? πŸ˜‰

    I’m right with you on “fat talk” — it makes it so much harder for me to feel like losing weight is wrong when everyone else seems to view it as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! If there is someone who always sets off those thoughts for me, I try to keep my distance… but in this society that kind of means you can’t talk to anyone, ever. I wish there was a way to just get rid of it all!

    Accepting a target weight is the hardest thing of all for me — even if it’s an “initial” target, and not a “healthy” weight per se, because it sort of symbolizes the end of a goal, and then what do I do? I don’t know if that makes any sense! Either way… it’s a little easier if I just don’t get involved in that aspect. I might know that I’m at or near a certain weight, but if I just let my nutritionist worry about that, I don’t have to focus on it myself.

    ❀ ❀

  33. Karin January 20, 2010 at 10:57 am #

    That relaxation class sounds so interesting! I’m sure I’d love it too ;).

    Your progress makes me so happy Shelley! You’re doing great!

    I’m a planner but also like going with the flow. It really depends on my mood.

    Fat talk annoys me and I most often ignore it. I try to stay away from things that make me unhappy.

    And regarding the weight… I never stepped on a scale after I started eating normally again. I knew that I would gain weight but didn’t want to know how much.. Even nowadays I sometimes get on the scale and feel bad (for a minute) which is why I tend to avoid it. I don’t care about my weight anymore and now that I’m typing this I realize how far I’ve come.

    Love your mom’s comment by the way πŸ™‚

  34. One Healthy Apple January 20, 2010 at 11:11 am #

    Shelly! All your food looks so good that I want to come over and have all my meals with you;)

    I hate fat talk and I have been guilty of it myself and I know it’s stupid and anything but constructive. Now I just stop it by changing the topic or literally getting up and leaving the room for a moment.

    You are doing a great job and I think you are perfect for psych! Maybe you can use it to help other girls one day!

  35. Melissa January 20, 2010 at 11:53 am #

    I know everyone is different…but the best thing I did to help my disordered eating/body issues was to start taking an anti-anxiety medication. I meet with my doctor every 6 months to discuss the medication and how it’s making me feel.

    When I started taking it, it was the first time that I was able to lose the constant worry over the # on the scale and how I looked. I felt like myself for the first time in years and I’m so glad I got help!

  36. seekmyself January 20, 2010 at 1:16 pm #

    Shelley it’s great to hear that school is going well for you! That relaxation class sounds awesome. I’m happy to be back at school as well. I like to have free time, but too much of it leaves me going crazy… so a schedule is good πŸ™‚

    Try not to get too sucked in to “fat talk”… just remind yourself that the people around you are in a different position than you. Stay focused on your goal because it’s what’s best for you… just remind yourself that living a life with an ED is not worth it in the least. There’s no happiness there.

    As for a target weight, it’s important not to try and maintain at too low a weight because it’s just the first step back into a relapse. Don’t focus on the number on the scale… who cares what it is. Focus on the happiness you’re able to experience from life, and how good your body feels when you’re properly nourishing it.

    Stay strong, hun ❀

  37. Kelly January 20, 2010 at 1:29 pm #

    I definitely do better when I am on a schedule, but my husband is helping me realize that sometimes not being on a schedule is okay!

    I am proud of you for your progress…you are awesome!

    Oh…and I LOVE cheddar bunnies! hehe!

  38. Cassie January 20, 2010 at 1:37 pm #

    1. Def prefer a routine

    2. Actually, I don’t think I’m terribly affected by fat talk. I usually just tell the person they’re being ridiculous (because they are), and move on.

    3. I never actually had a target weight; I just knew I needed to put weight on. I try to think of the added weight as added happiness. My life was so miserable when I restricted food, and even though I still have my bad days, I’m a much happier person now that I eat a “normal” diet.

  39. Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga) January 20, 2010 at 1:49 pm #

    Where was the relaxation & technical exercise class when i was in school??!!! OMG that sounds faboosh!!

    LOve routine and schedule..but with a small child, every day can be a grab bag up in the air. Just gotta roll with it. This gets easier for me as I get older and a child forces** you out of your safe zone, totally πŸ™‚

    I am soooo proud of you for your progress!!! Just keep after it girl. You dont have to hit x weight by tomorrow. Just work towards it. There isn’t a rush. Life, recovery, our path, our work, our goals….they dont always happen right away. Let it unfold at your pace that you’re comforable with. That’s the yoga teacher and mother in me talking πŸ™‚

  40. Erika January 20, 2010 at 2:29 pm #

    You should feel really proud of yourself for not only sticking to your meal plan, but for being able to recognize that you’re anxiety over reaching your target weight is totally the result of “Gertrude.” I too am a recovering anorexic and know how extremely difficult it is getting to that healthy weight and being okay with it. It’s a day-to-day struggle and there are times when I slip, but those are the times when I have to look in the mirror, tell myself I’m worth it and deserve to be happy, and that my eating disorder can go f**k herself (sorry to curse, but that’s what I have to say sometimes.) So I applaud you for your honesty and strength and I hope all the best for both of us. Just rememeber, you’re not alone πŸ™‚

  41. Kruti January 20, 2010 at 2:48 pm #

    Hey πŸ™‚
    I really admire your progress!
    I need a routine or something to do, or else I would totally go insane!
    and as for the “fat” talk, i always try to ignore it, even though it bothers me a lot–its difficult, but I know i can get through it
    and as for the eating disorder–i think the hardest part for me is not being able to exercise–how do you cope with this? and i was wondering if you could maybe email of how your meal plan works, such as how many carbs/proteins, etc. I’m just so curious!
    I love following your blog, knowing that I’m not the only one who has to go through this alone!
    thanks so much! πŸ™‚

  42. lowandbhold January 20, 2010 at 4:50 pm #

    Haha, your teacher sounds awesome!

    I definitely prefer a routine. But sometimes I get dang tired of it, haha.

    Great job sticking to your meal plan. You are doing so amazing!

  43. katie January 20, 2010 at 4:50 pm #

    1. That Class sounds bomb!
    2. Your yogurt mess looks amazing, vanilla oikos rocks!
    3. Glad to hear the blueberry bliss luna bar is a hit, got to get mine in my belly!
    4. I love keeping with my routine, when i have to travel and it messes up my routine I feel lost and like POO!!! So yay for keeping with routines!
    5. Your beautiful, sweet, amazing, and you are doing AMAZING and those thoughts need to clear out of that beautiful mind ! Love ya girl!! ALL OF US ARE PROUD OF YA!! Look at all the beautiful comments, love this blog community!!!
    6. Love ya and have a good nite!!!

  44. julie January 20, 2010 at 4:51 pm #

    a relaxation class?! that sounds so awesome! i wish they offered some classes at my school like that πŸ™‚ can’t wait to hear more about it!

  45. **Lauren (Biochemista)** January 20, 2010 at 4:52 pm #

    Aaaaaaah, I die (do you watch Rachel Zoe?) for a massage right now!!!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚


  46. Meg's Gut January 20, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    Your classes sound great, especially the relaxation one!
    I love reading your blog, you’re such an inspiration!

  47. daintyvegan January 20, 2010 at 5:00 pm #

    All your classes sound fun and interesting! I wish I could take one of the relaxation classes.. haha. πŸ˜›

    I love scheduled days as it helps me feel like I’m accomplishing things instead of doing nothing all day. Then again, spontaneity can be fun too.

    As for “fat talk”.. I true to tune it out. If it’s myself doing it, then I banish it. If someone ELSE is doing it, I ignore them. Seems to work.

  48. Cassie January 20, 2010 at 5:08 pm #

    “relaxation & technical exercise” why can’t i have a class like that?!? i agree that you don’t have to be thin for anyone; you should strive to be HEALTHY for yourself. you deserve it.

  49. tatiannalives January 20, 2010 at 5:33 pm #

    I am so proud of you girl! The eats look fabulous, and the fact that your nutritionist is impressed is such an accomplishment. It’s so important for me to hear that even though you struggle – you power through each day. So, thanks πŸ™‚ hehe.


    1) I do SO much better on a schedule.. I have always been the type to plan out everything. I am trying to be a bit more flexible with this though because I don’t think being so strict with routines is necessarily a good habit.
    2) I hate fat talk as well… I used to try to step in and tell people that they don’t need to diet, but because of my size, they usually respond with ‘easy for you to say, look how tiny you are!’ This of course is not the effect I was looking for…

    I hate the fact that the majority of the world is uncomfortable in their own skin.

  50. Lizzy January 20, 2010 at 6:07 pm #

    new Luna looks delish!! (as do all your eats!) it’s so hard to get past all the fat talk going on around you…let alone on the inside. (especially this time of year with the crazy n.y. dieters!) just think of how happy you’re going to be when you can run and do all the things you love again! You’ve got this chica, your doing great! Just take it day by day! xoxo!

  51. Jenna January 20, 2010 at 6:37 pm #

    Not sure if this answers number 3 or not but what really helped me get my eating back on track was when my parents sat me down and told me that if I kept eating the way I was…eating as little as I was for that matter…I could die. That was a huge slap in the face. And so now its always in the back of my mind that living is more important!

  52. Emily January 20, 2010 at 6:43 pm #

    blueberry luna bar!!! I need to find that. NOW.

    I find it very hard not to lash out on girls who talk “fat talk” around me. They are usually perfectly healthy and normal, but they refuse to realize that. I just have to remind myself that they aren’t as knowledgeable as to what obsessing about appearance and weight can lead too. In that regard, I bite my tongue, but that doesn’t stop me from giving stares…that’s a bad habit of mine πŸ™‚

    As for a target weight, I tend to not think about those numbers too much. It stresses me out and gives me anxiety.


  53. Hillary January 20, 2010 at 6:49 pm #

    I am a Type A kind of girl – gotta be on schedule! Hope you have a fun & healthy 2nd semester, girlie.

    – The Nutrition Nut

  54. Hillary January 20, 2010 at 6:50 pm #

    P.S. Where in the world did you get so many readers if you’ve only been blogging since October. How much traffic do you get a day? I’m envious. Keep up the good work.

  55. whydeprive January 20, 2010 at 7:11 pm #

    First, Im a big schedule fan. My meals are always at the same time, I have my morning routine set up by the minute, and if I didnt it would make me crazy.

    As for your target weight question. I had a really hard time with it. I was a binge/purge kinda girl, so when I had to stop doing that, I had a hard time with the binging. I wound up way higher than I ever wanted to be. Im still slightly over the weight my therapist and dr thought I should be but only by about 10 pounds. Eating REAL food is what solved everything for me. I can feel good about what Im putting into my body, and I dont have the desperate urge to eat nothing but chocolate anymore.

  56. Ashlei January 20, 2010 at 7:59 pm #

    Hey girl! Your classes sound pretty cool – especially the relaxation technique one. ❀ sunshine burgers πŸ™‚ Mmmm

    I sometimes do better on a schedule and sometimes I just like to go with the flow and do like whatever I feel like. I like having plans though and not last minute stuff.

    I hate "fat talk" – I always feel surrounded by people "dieting" and 'trying to lose 5/10/15, etc. pounds" and I just want to be like "just eat healthier and incorporate exercise into your life" but I just smile at them when I hear this to avoid hearing more about it

    It's hard to cope with accepting my target weight, but I know that I will be healthier and have energy and stamina to do things I love like workout without feeling sluggish. Plus I hate the way my arms look, all puny and wimpy. Gotta get that muscle back!


  57. crazylittlethingneela January 20, 2010 at 8:02 pm #

    i’d love to take a class in relaxation!! that sounds so amazing and at the same time is so useful for our lives right? smart girl you for choosing this course!
    hmm that luna blueberry bar looks good πŸ˜‰
    i have to admit that my ED LOVES routines but i DONT. so any the moment i try to have half the day planned and half the day free for me to ‘explore’ what it’s like without a plan. it works really well..
    best way to get out of a fat talk for me is to stand next to a healthy weight person an realize ‘aww no still not quite there yet πŸ˜‰ ‘

  58. Nell January 20, 2010 at 8:40 pm #

    I’m so jealous of that relaxation class! I got to take a yoga class last semester, but it doesn’t fit into my schedule this semester 😦

    Fat talk is so hard to deal with. I hate when people talk about diets, losing weight, etc. I usually don’t say anything because I’ll get really defensive and I don’t want to draw attention to myself. Mostly I tune it out and keep repeating to myself that my activity level and diet is what works for me and nobody else should influence it. And now I actually use my weight as reinforcement to be healthy. Like, I know I’m at a perfect weight, so nothing needs to change.

    – Nell

  59. Caitlyn (Letters from the Oasis) January 20, 2010 at 9:00 pm #

    I’m so proud of you Shelly!
    I’m so glad you recognize that you need to do this for YOU! You are a strong girl, with so many great qualities (even though I’ve never met you) I can tell that you are contagious, and your blog is making a difference

    1. I do SOOO much better on a schedule. I get depressed without one, and completely thrown off.
    2. Even without ED, “fat talk” affects me too. In the teachers room at school it’s the worst. Everyone talks about dieting and losing weight and it’s so negative. I try to avoid places that I’m sure will be talking about this stuff, or I try to put a positive spin on the conversation and talk about gaining health, instead of losing weight.
    3. I don’t have an ED, but I still have a number that I can not go under… when I run it’s hard to keep weight on (and it’s tempting to dip below a certain weight because it’s easier to run fast with “less”)… I just remind myself that there’s more to life than winning (or looking thin/fit) and I can achieve both and be healthy at the same time. It’s just hard work

    Okay, I wrote you a book! xoxoxo

  60. Sarah January 20, 2010 at 9:02 pm #

    Hey dear,
    My target weight sounded so high at first, but it actually seems to be the weight my body wants to be. It took me awhile to get used to my new weight, but I just told myself that it was important to be healthy. Also buying some cute clothes in my new size helped. You’re doing great!

  61. homecookedem January 20, 2010 at 9:52 pm #

    I’m starting to realize there is a time and a place for a schedule. Sometimes schedules are necessary and other times it’s important to relax.

    I have been guilty of fat talk many times in the past. But since reading food blogs, I’ve cut down on it A LOT! It doesn’t do anyone any good, especially myself.

  62. Gelareh @ Orange Truffle January 20, 2010 at 9:59 pm #

    My Dear Shelley…. I love your posts… you are an amazing person and I love your determination and recognizing that it is important to put yourself in front of all the wants and needs.

    I do much better on schedule… I am not with the flow type of person… actually I might be considered a bit OCD… I have already planned our 2010 vacation and trips… most of our weekends to the end of the year have been planned for and booked.. I don’t do things or eat things last minute or on a wimp… I am honestly amazed that Raymond puts up with it πŸ˜‰

  63. Total Fit GIrl January 20, 2010 at 10:19 pm #

    I took an acting class in college that always ended up being yoga/relaxation for some reason! It was really great though!

    I usually need to be on a schedule or else I can’t stay organized!

  64. Gina G January 20, 2010 at 10:36 pm #

    keep going strong girl! your such an inspiration, don’t ever forget that =)

  65. Kris | January 20, 2010 at 11:08 pm #

    I am so excited to hear more about your relaxation & technical exercise class! Man I should have went back to school if I knew they would teach me this!

    This is awesome love!!

    Just remember you are to enjoy the new you and your eating habits. It makes a difference when you enjoy it and love it!


  66. Laura January 20, 2010 at 11:17 pm #

    A Blueberry Luna bar? WWHHHAA?!?! I’ve never seen that before!!
    I’m a sucker for routines too..and sometimes I wish I wasn’t because a lot of the things I want to do include having to be spontaneous- ie. traveling! But I guess the difference is being able to balance both of these. Oh balance…how I want you in my life =P

  67. Allie (Live Laugh Eat) January 21, 2010 at 12:23 am #

    Aww my mommy reads my blog every day too πŸ™‚

    I think once you are at a higher weight for awhile your eyes will adjust. It won’t be as weird/strange to be at a higher weight. You’ll embrace your body…just give it time.

    I want to say your desire to be thin is largely influenced by the media. Blah media! You just hafta remember that people in the media aren’t the average person.

    I had a crazy econ 101 prof….traumatizing! I went into college wanting to be an econ major….that ended quickly. I learned a lot though–definitely good stuff to know. And you’re smart to leave the door open for bus school.

  68. caronae January 21, 2010 at 12:24 am #

    Hi! I’m a new reader πŸ™‚
    I do so much better with a schedule! I get really anxious when my days are empty. I started classes this week too and have no assignments yet, so I’m just bored during all my free time. Ick. Hope school is going well so far — that relaxation class sounds awesome!

  69. sophia January 21, 2010 at 2:46 am #

    I still have not met my target weight. And honestly, sometimes, when I see a sudden spike in weight, I do get annoyed…esp when it’s an unexpected gain. And honestly, there isn’t anything to do about it, except to get USED to it. It’s just awkward at first, but honestly, no matter how much I scrutinize myself, I can’t see where that extra 3 lbs went to…so why bother obsessing over those mystery pounds?

    btw, lady with purple sweatshirt and a cat on it? Take a picture with her pleeeease?!! >.<

  70. Sara K January 21, 2010 at 10:38 am #

    I love reading your posts- because they’re so deeply honest and optimistic at the same time! I’m also in Econ 101- it sounds like it’ll be interesting once we get past the syllabus πŸ˜‰
    Congrats on easing into the adjustment…it’s always hard going back to school and realising that you’re the one in full control of your meal plan and it’s good that you aren’t letting yourself slip or cut corners! And about the fat talk- it’s everywhere-yeah it’s big on college campuses, but I’ve learned to either change the subject, ignore it, or be up front and challenge the conversation- fat talk doesn’t make anyone feel good, a lot of girls engage in it out of insecurity, or some need to connect with other girls (and the idea that other girls have the same sentiments about their bodies.)
    For the target weight- it definitely takes time to get used to it- do you know your actual target weight number or not? For me, rather than a number I was given a range and told when I get there, but after that I asked not to know my weight and would only be told if I dropped out of my range. Frankly, not knowing my weight the past few months has taken a huge weight (no pun intended) off my shoulders- I feel so much more comfortable, don’t body check, and I’ve just grown into this new me and all the energy and livelihood it comes with!
    Lots of love and support my dear πŸ™‚

  71. Chrysta January 21, 2010 at 12:53 pm #

    Hey girl! Great post. I know you can do it and I am so cheering you on. You are doing such a fabulous job! I dealt with this too. The one thing that has really helped is how i feel. I used to be ssoo tired all the time, just drained from trying to workout too hard and eat too little. It was exhausting. Now Im at my target weight and Ive never felt better. I have mountains of energy, i can workout harder and I feel fabulous. Thats what keeps me going. My body likes it!! And Im much happier this way as well. I think you are doing an awesome job and I wish you the best. Im here for ya sweetie!! Take care, you absolutely rock!

  72. Anna January 21, 2010 at 1:21 pm #

    Hey there! Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve commented; this month has been insane!

    I am so proud of all of your progress. Recovery seems to be very attainable. Keep it up!

    I myself am a HUGE schedule girl, which sucks because my schedule has been so out of whack for so long, I cannot wait to get back on track. Not like I have been “off track”, its just not a way of living that is normal for me.

    Fat talk=bull sh*t. I hate it. But I realize that when people talk about fat/being fat, it is usually because something else is bothering them that day. Whenever someone brings up “fat” feelings, I try to understand what is going on behind the words.

    Accepting my target weight was so hard because ED thought that all of a sudden I would blimp up when I hit that number. With every pound I gained ED told me it was another step towards my terrible sentence. But when I reached it (and maintained it), I realized that the number doesn’t mean squat. I have no attachment to my weight anymore. I don’t even know how much I way anymore. I just feel good, and now I eat not to maintain a weight, but all of my food choices are based off of maintaining this feeling of vitality and health (with some pleasure thrown in too). It took me almost 6 months after being at that weight to accept it. The biggest things that helped with that adjustments were definitely yoga partnered with cooking. Yoga taught me detach myself from ED, and cooking helped me discover what I (Anna, not ED) love/want to eat.

  73. Nicole January 21, 2010 at 4:22 pm #

    hey :)) I have been reading your blog for a while and I seriosuly really really admire you. I dont know how you do it, honestly. you are such an inspiration to me! I am also doing the exchange system for my recovery, but i’m having suchhh a hard time challenging myself or eating at restaurants. you are an inspiration to me because you eat at restaurants and are able to handle it and meet your exchanges perfectly! I wish I could do that and not freak out as much as I do. Im always afraid ill go way over my exchanges or way under, so I just stick with what is safe, what I know, and what I can make. I was wondering if you have any tips for that…for eating out and all of that. what do you do when you don’t have the nutrition info to look at?

    anyway, any advice about this or ANYTHING else would seriously help me out so much! if you don’t have time though its totally okay, I was just wondering. thanks girl! :)) ❀ ❀

    hope you had a great dayyy

  74. Ada January 21, 2010 at 5:33 pm #

    I’m glad you’re having a fun start to your semester:)

  75. jocelynsteiber January 21, 2010 at 5:38 pm #

    Hey- I’m a psych major! So interesting. I loved all my classes!

    I love having a routine. I’m like you- I go crazy without one! And get NOTHING accomplished when I don’t have one

    Honestly- I still wish my weight was lower than it is- but I know I’m so much healthier now! And being healthier will lead to me to live a happier and longer life.



  76. traynharder23 January 21, 2010 at 5:45 pm #

    sometimes it’s really hard to cope with my new muscle/ new weight. it’s hard! but then again, i put more effort into thinkin’ im not BIGGER, i’m stronger. and then i think like, i’m going to look like a fitness freak model not a skinny runway twig!

    i commend you fighting on! on the eating front =D

    hahhah. sorry for getting songs stuck in your head. i’ll work on not creating titles that are song lyrics. JUST FOR YOU!=D

  77. Lizzy January 21, 2010 at 7:33 pm #

    woooo for KOMBUCHA!! sooo glad you liked them…I was obsessed this summer, but have cut back due to $! πŸ™‚ hehehe and it’s so cold I crave coffee! I’m so proud of you and all the great things your doin’ for your bod….soooon you will be talking about the great runs u go on with your man and you will know it’s all worth it! HIIII MAMA!!!

  78. Mae (OhhMay.Wordpress) January 21, 2010 at 7:47 pm #

    Boooo!! I can’t find that luna bar flavor anywhere!! haha
    Everything looks delicious. Good luck with school!

  79. Michelle (Snacks and Field) January 21, 2010 at 8:47 pm #

    I love being in a routine and can’t wait ’til I can start back with classes and have a set schedule- It’s exciting for me to wake up and have the whole day ahead of me, planned out and organized, just the way I like it (most of the time…)!
    You are doing sooo well with your meal plan & I am super impressed. And fat talk is EVERYWHERE, it’s pretty much unavoidable- especially at our age! Sometimes if you are in the situation when people are talking about that stuff, it kinda just has to go in one ear and out the other and know that what you are doing is right for YOU and YOUR BODY πŸ™‚

  80. Emily January 21, 2010 at 9:25 pm #

    Do I do better on a schedule? Girl, I have about 3 planners and a million lists. Schedules keep me alive. haha

    You are doing awesome! Keep fighting and stay strong! You have so much determination! πŸ˜€

    Oh and I think the Blueberry Lunas are hiding from me because I have never seen one! sad.

  81. Meg January 21, 2010 at 9:41 pm #

    Somedays I like a schedule, other days I could really care less πŸ˜› haha but I think spontaneous happenings make life so much more exciting, you know? Ahh, and fat talk, it’s everywhere, it’s frustrating, and it just sucks, but you’ve gotta remember that the world is just so beautiful…we’re all different, which makes everything interesting, and new. I usually tend to ignore it, or give my 2 cents by saying a simple phrase “I’m beautiful, you are too” πŸ˜‰

    Love you girl!

  82. Katharina January 21, 2010 at 11:05 pm #

    That relaxation class sounds amazing! So glad you are pushing through and staying strong. Remember to always listen to YOURSELF.

    1) I do better with a mix of the two. I have my things that I do on a daily basis (my responsibilities) and the rest I play by ear.

    2) I laugh it off. It doesn’t affect me anymore but I wish other people didn’t feel down on themselves. Instead I just laugh and say they’re silly and I give them a subtle compliment instead. Gotta spread the positivity!

    3) This is a strange question to be answering for me–as my mind and my body are in two different places. Mentally I feel so free and happy and for awhile I didn’t feel that way because I was so puzzled as to why I couldn’t just gain the weight. After a lot of medical testing I finally got an answer and right now I’m doing what I can and working with what I’ve got. I felt very intimidated by more womanly women and was ashamed of that I wasn’t as curvy–but right now I really am working on self-acceptance even if I am at a low-weight because people should love themselves for who they are and appreciate their bodies abilities no matter what. I am working on overcoming my medical problems, but also living my life the best I can πŸ™‚


  83. Pink Panda January 22, 2010 at 12:38 am #

    I just go with the flow generally…even though I KNOW I would be better off planning things out and following a set schedule.

    You sound like you are well on your way to beating the eating disorder you have. Good luck.

  84. Rachael January 22, 2010 at 1:46 am #

    Don’t fret! No need at all to apologize for not being speedy gonzales with our email convo. I know you’re uber busy with school and totally understand. πŸ˜‰
    1. I’m definitely a schedule person. The structure helps me feel more productive. But I need to work on being more flexible as well, because when my routines are disrupted or something comes up I get really anxious.
    2. Fat talk = definitely difficult to hear and be around. I try to just remind myself that my situation is totally different than theirs and I doooon’t need to diet or lose weight (and honestly the “fat talkers” don’t either, which makes me sad for them believing they do.)
    3. Major struggle for me right here! Like struggle times a billion. πŸ˜‰ I try to tell myself that my best thinking got me into this mess, so maybe I should trust the judgement of my treatment team. They’re professionals and all, plus they aren’t being tricked by ED/Gertrude so they probably know what they are talking about. Still though, easier said than done.


  85. glidingcalm January 22, 2010 at 2:18 am #

    i still haven’t had sunshine burgers, can you believe it?!

    and I agree………I do so so so much better on a schedule!!!

    I’m a Psych major (wahoo!), and I hatedddddddddddd my econ class!!

    happy Friday love bug!!!

  86. oatsandchocolate January 22, 2010 at 8:31 am #

    hey shelley! oikos is so cool for sending you coupons. that breakfast looks amazing too. and cheddar bunnies are my favorite. yumm sunshine burgers! so delicious.
    1. probably schedule, otherwise i get confused and all πŸ™‚
    2. i try just to totally ignore all the fat talk. whenever my friends say smoething i have to remind them how beautiful they are and all the positive things about them πŸ˜‰
    3. my goal weight is now really comfortable for me & im really liking it. of course it took some time to get used to my new body but i love the feeling of being healthy! im really happy and content with my body now πŸ™‚
    have a wonderful friday!

  87. malpaz January 22, 2010 at 10:38 am #

    1) Do you do better on a schedule, or do you do better just going with the flow?
    I like routine, and when it is changed my mind kinda goes whacky…spur of the moment changes are not my strong point. i usually end up dealing and end up making a bigger deal out of it in my head than is intended

    2) How do you deal with β€˜fat talk’?
    ….stay away from full length mirrors and tell myself fertility and 39485693465 babies is my passion in life! guys like curves… its a unified opinion lol

    3) Girls who have recovered from eating disorders/are recovering- how do you cope with accepting your target weight?
    I was never given a target weight… sooo… i would say when you mind thoughts are gone, you catch yourself “living life”, eating when your hungry and stopping when you full, having mensturation, chatting away without side-comments form your head and just living without routine…your prolly close to your target weight.

  88. Jasmine @ Eat Move Write January 22, 2010 at 10:58 am #

    I can completely picture your teacher! I love it!

    Fat talk is a hard thing. I actually have a goal board full of positive messages that I try to look at when I’m feeling that mean-spirited voice in my head. Fat talk tends to brew even more negative thoughts. I like to nip that in the bud by looking at my board. It says thinks like, “Accept goodness…” “Be kind…” “Live well…” It’s helpful.

  89. MelissaDee January 22, 2010 at 11:20 am #

    The blueberry luna bar looks, SO GOOD!!! I need to try that out!

    1. I def. do better on a schedule. I’m trying to incorporate my blog into my schedule πŸ™‚ still trying to get the hang of it!

    It seems like you are doing AWESOME on your meal plan, way to go girl! I know it’s hard to keep up with it, stay strong!

  90. Kristine January 22, 2010 at 1:36 pm #

    Thank you for this post. I can definitely relate to it! Thanks for being so honest. Be strong! πŸ™‚

  91. ilanalala January 22, 2010 at 3:45 pm #

    I do better going with the flow…If I make a plan, I’m more likely to deviate and rebel from my plan. But I do like to write lists. Lists help me get things done, even if not in order.

    TBH fat talk makes me crazy! Even before I started struggling with eating issues, it bugged the hell out of me because I was always skinnier than some of my friends and it made it very awkward for me to be around those kinds of conversations, because, if I contribute to the conversation my friends would hate on me and sitting silently listening to people bitch about their weight is awkward. Now, it makes me even crazier because I am SO CONSCIOUS of my body and my weight and it always feels like these discussions are targeted at me (even though I know they aren’t)…uhh yeah. I’m weird.

    Dealing with coming to accept a “goal” weight right now it really hard…gaining weight is very very scary for me, and I don’t know how to talk about it with people.

    Also…. I bet your weird purple cat sweater professors is probably AWESOME! I love weird professors…the quirkier the better. It makes my day *that* much funnier.

    Loving your blog…thanks for being so open

    XOXO, La

  92. peanutbutterfingers January 22, 2010 at 4:06 pm #

    your posts are always SO interesting and admirable. your desire to overcome “gertrude” will definitely help you succeed. great, great job! πŸ™‚

  93. katie January 22, 2010 at 5:42 pm #

    Have a great weekend love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Love ya!!! xoxoxo

  94. april January 22, 2010 at 5:47 pm #

    I work much better on a schedule!

    And although I’ve never been diagnosed with an ED I still have those struggles that every girl does. I want to be thin.. but I know that being healthy is much more important! I keep reminding myself that I’d rather weigh more and be muscular and healthy than thin and “skinny.” If that makes sense! haha

  95. learningtocookeatandenjoydeliciousfood January 22, 2010 at 6:18 pm #

    I personally know how hard it is to accept a goal weight determined for you by a treatment team, but they DO know what is best for your health. If I could have made healthy choices for my body and weight, I wouldnt have needed treatment for anorexia. I just want to tell you something, keep to your plan, because the FIRST time you slip or cut something, you will NOT want to add that food back!! Have a great weekend!! You can do this!! πŸ™‚

  96. frogsandmen January 22, 2010 at 6:38 pm #

    i love oikos too! best of luck!

    -The Paris Food Blague

  97. determinedtoshine January 22, 2010 at 6:57 pm #

    shelley, the word “inspiration” doesnt even BEGIN to cover you. you are so amazing my love, i know you can push through those feelings.

    for me, i do well with routine. the more room there is for negotiation, the more input ED tends to have.

    love you girl

  98. eatmovelove January 22, 2010 at 7:46 pm #

    Why do you want to be thin? Thin sucks. You still eat reallllly healthy…so at least you have that. I feel bad about not eating uber-nutzo-healthy like all these bloggers and people around me…I’m always full.
    But so what – big deal. It’s just a feeling , it’s a feeling. Those feelings are NOT YOU. It’s hard to get your head wrapped around it maybe, but remember that – you are not your body or how you feel…you are you in a moment. You are just a being. So enjoy life. Your too young and beautiful. When you feel bad – get away from the computer and blogging and comparing, get away from the magazines. Read a funny or romantic or adventure novel. Watch a funny or action movie. Go to a movie. Anything but thinking about your thoughts.

  99. alyssa January 22, 2010 at 8:14 pm #

    I love having a schedule. I am starting school monday and can’t wait to get back into the swing of things. What are you studying? you may have written it somewhere else, but I was curious.

  100. Morgan @ Healthy Happy Place January 22, 2010 at 10:38 pm #

    Hi, I’m a new reader.

    My story is shockingly similar to yours. I felt like I was reading about myself in college when I read some of your posts.

    I struggled from anorexia several years ago. I was in a partial hospitilization program and had meal plans and everything you talk about on the blog.

    The meal plan was absolutely necessary for many months becuase I didn’t know how to eat normally. Eventually, you’ll get to a place where you don’t need the plan anymore and you’ll just eat normally. it will happen πŸ™‚

    As far as accepting your goal weight, again, eventually I just let it go and was fine with everything. I also NEVER step foot on a scale anymore, and I never let any health professional weigh me where I could see the numbers. I would recommend not letting them tell you the numbers either.

    Hope you find strength every day and overcome this completely! sounds like you are on your way πŸ™‚

  101. Mitri January 22, 2010 at 11:59 pm #

    Ahhh! I love those cheddar bunnies x) and I love anything blueberry, so I should try that jar!

    I prefer to have some sort of routine/schedule, but it’s not too much a problem ’cause I usually create one for myself even when I’m not in school. I always like to have projects!

    I think this is just a part of your recovery, a phase you must go through, but one that will not last forever. Someday you WILL be able to gain that weight AND feel comfortable with it. πŸ™‚

  102. Jessica (jesslikesithot) January 23, 2010 at 12:34 pm #

    Don’t fall for the fat talk, girly! You are in a COMPLETELY different situation than all these girls. They have issues with food that come and go each day, and you actually took it too far and are now pulling yourself out and getting yourself to an overall better place! You will be grateful soon enough, when you’ll be confident in yourself!! I know you can get there, we’re in this together πŸ™‚

    And agreed–sunshine burgers are God’s gift πŸ˜‰

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