Today was the first day of the semester- it is crazy how fast the first semester flew by. To be honest, I was kind of excited because i love having a routine. Days that I have no plans tend to cause me some anxiety (unfortunately) but it was a good start to the semester.
I woke up and ate breakfast which was vanilla oikos, a cup of graham bumpers, sliced apple, raisins, and peanut butter.
Oikos sent me some coupons so I was so excited to try their yogurts!! I loved the vanilla flavor. Thanks Oikos!!
My first class was Econ 101. Though I am 95% sure I want to be a psychology major, I still want to take the business prerequisites so the option to apply for the business school is open! Class was boring- pretty much just going over the syllabus.
Then I had my class called relaxation & technical exercise– oh my gooodnessss i LOVE this class already!!! It is all about relaxation techniques, flexibility, stress management, and MASSAGEEE (amaazing).. I have a feeling this is going to be my fav class 🙂 I really could use some relaxation techniques!!
oh, and the teacher was totallllly eccentric– picture a lady, just maybe 5 feet tall, with short white hair (curled under) & glasses, a purple sweater with a cat on it, & a hat that has sunglasses attached to it… & that’s my teacher- haha! She seems like a sweet lady.
at 12 I had my first meeting with my nutritionist on campus- she was proud of me for the progress i’ve made in terms of weight & the meeting went well.
For lunch I had a wheat wrap grilled with turkey, soy american cheese & veggies with cheddar bunnies (yum!!!) & after i had some of a granola bar bc i didn’t meet all my exchanges.
A blueberry bliss luna bar which was SO good & an unpictured handful of granola
I had to cash some checks, get a textbook, etc. & then before I knew it, it was dinner time! I ate with the boy.. I kinda made my own dinner because nothing at the cafeteria sounded appetizing- sunshine burger (SO GOOD) on a flat out with swiss cheese, carrots, an apple & a baked potato with ketchup 🙂
After dinner, a few of my sorority friends came over & we watched youtube videos, chatted, gossiped, etc. 🙂 It was fun! When they left, I knew it was snack time again.. I had a strawberry oikos with banana nut granola.
I honestly am proud of myself for following my meal plan today. Every day is getting easier. With that being said, I am still struggling with the thought of wanting to stay at a lower weight than my target weight. The difference now, however, is that I am able to recognize that my wanting to be a lower weight than target is completely part of my eating disorder, and not a part of me. Rationally, i know that my target weight is 100% reasonable.
Why am I so scared of it?
Why do I care about being thin? Who do I want to be thin for? These kind of questions help me realize how absurd and selfish Gertrude is [;-)]. I need to stick with my meal plan because I need to prove to my family, friends, boyfriend, & myself that I am stronger than this. I can beat this, & I will.
I have been trying to avoid falling into fat talk, but it is so hard. Fat talk is all around me. I constantly hear girls talking about wanting to lose weight but I am trying my best to not let it trigger me and to just focus on my health.
1) Do you do better on a schedule, or do you do better just going with the flow?
2) How do you deal with ‘fat talk’?
3) Girls who have recovered from eating disorders/are recovering- how do you cope with accepting your target weight?
Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY (love the alliteration). Until next timee..
ps- Hi Mommy!! I miss you 🙂 hehe