December is here!!
& currently i’m sitting in a lecture, looking at the window because there are little snow flakes 🙂
I feel like it has been so long since I last posted! Sorry if i’ve seemed MIA, but I put off a 10 page research paper that was due today until this week so that has been taking over my lifee!
On a happier note, I arrived back to school safely & soundly & enjoyed flying home with Gardner 🙂
I’ll catch you up on some EATS first! I haven’t been super consistent with pictures because since getting back unfortunately, i’ve been bussyy but here is what I do have.
Sunday lunch was in the airport! I was impressed by some healthy options.
I got a southwest salad with chicken, black beans, corn, and some kind of dressing & also had an apple and some bbq potato bakes! so deliciouss
at some point I snacked on this bar.. & lOOVED it!
Breakfast monday morning was none other than… a yogurt mess!
& lunch was a deliciouss turkey & swiss wrap with sliced up apple & pretzels
Then I got really busy & failed at taking food pictures! but chipotle was consumed for dinner, there were snacks, ensures, & all that jazz.
Today I had a delicious and DIFFERENT breakfast. I used a kashi oatmeal (honey flax) packet and added cocoa roasted almonds, pumpkin butter, banana, and cinnamon raisin swirl peanut butter.. perfectionn
I also snacked on this DELICIOUS bar at some point
A Few Updates:
1) So, as you know, I had several doctor appointments over break. I’m going to be honest with you all. Today, I got a phone call from my Mom telling me my blood work came back and there were like 6 irregularities. this got me really scared. I don’t understand, i’m really not that underweight & I feel like I eat a very nutritious diet! This is really my last chance to prove that I can remain at school… I really don’t want to leave, i’m just so scared that I won’t do what I know I need to do… it is all in my control but it is so much harder than it seems..
2) I have an itty bitty cold 😦 boo. anyone have any brilliant cold remedies?
3) this is super random but the other day I tried this fruit:
it is called an asian apple-pear or something? it was strange but actually pretty tasty?
What is the weirdest fruit/food you’ve ever tried?
4) I’m Jewish but i am a huuge lover of the holiday-christmas spirit! haha i am just lovvvin the christmas music right noww.. just thought i’d share!
5) If my posts or comments are lacking, it is because humo for my sorority is taking over my life this week! We try out to get into the actual show that is in spring this weekend so wish me luck 🙂
6) back to the disordered eating talk.. I don’t know what is constantly holding back rom recvoering. Honestly, i know what I need to do. Gaining weight is not that difficult. What is more difficult, however, is to truly realize and believe that I look better at a higher weight, that I will be happier at a higher weight, & that I will be healthier at a higher weight. Logically, I know all these things are true… but then what is holding back? I honestly don’t know. But I do know this: I want to run again, I want to eat normally again, I want to look and feel healthy and beautiful… If I can just get through this, I will be able to do all these things.
& you know what… that is what drives me. every day.
I have recently done a few things that I am really proud of
1) got a freakin milkshake! & it was good 😀 really good.
2) Haven’t worked out in like 2 weeks..and plan on continuing to not work out, especially because of my blood work
3) drinkin my ensures, even when I really don’t want to
4) being more positive!
so yay for a good start to Decemeber.. & i’ll end the post with a few questions because it is fun!
What is your favorite christmas song? Mine is probably sleigh ride… it is so happy! haha
What is something you are proud of recently?
Have a great Thursday!!
xoxoxoxoxo
Shelley♥
Finding Happiness and Health 
Girl you can do it!!! You’re so strong and you can beat this. I know it’s very hard, but just know you’ve got so much support! Good luck with your try-outs 🙂 I’m Jewish too but I LOVE Christmas music also! It makes me so happy 🙂
Hey girl. Focus on those good things you did this week, like getting the milkshake. Focusing on the postives will always help you look up, and remind you why you should do them. 🙂
Blood work doesn’t necessarily have much to do with weight… mine has always been normal, even at my very lowest point. But you can use the irregular results as motivation!
I’ve tried some pretty weird fruits… in fact, I don’t even remember what most of them even ARE! Um… how about lychee and horned melon? EW. Not a fan of either.
I’m Jewish too so I’m not that into Christmas music… so can’t answer that! 😉
❤ ❤
im jewish too yay…cannot really stand all teh xmas music this time of year but hey, its uplifting haha
your eats look fabulous and you seem to be maintaining a very nutritious diet! just keep your head up, keep taht nutritious diet in check and you will get there 🙂
xoxo
strangest fruit I have tried would have to be a persimmon-no me gusta!!
jealous of your snowflakes…we are all about rain here, bahhh
i think its great that you went to the doctor and got everything tested (i did the same) and all i can say is keep doing what your doing girl. you are doing the right things, it just takes time. i’m really proud of you for taking a break from working out, it really is what is best for your body right now.
big congrats on the milkshake dear, that’s wonderful so glad you enjoyed it 🙂
keep rocking the positivity, simply because it makes me happy (i know i’m selfish)
favorite christmas song…santa on the rooftop (definitely from the rosie christmas cd haha)
happy thursday!
xoxo
You seem like you’re doing your best to be happy and healthy. The foods you’re eating seem filling and tasty. Things take time so just be patient and keep working at it! 🙂
Stay strong dear, you have to much to lose, you said this is your last chance to stay in school, being at school is an amazing opportunity for you, dont let your ed ruin that and take it away from you. Think about what is really important in life.
You made some good challenges this week, keep them up 🙂
Ohh and for your cold I swear by echinacea, its a herbal remedy and works brilliantly!
xoxo
I love Asian pears! They are crispy just like apples 🙂
I don’t have a fave Christmas song…cause I heart them all 😀
It really sucks that the whole staying in school thing is weighing over your head, ESPECIALLY because your eats are SO good, but no one can see that you are really trying. One thing that I could see holding you back (bc it held me back) is that fear of the unknown. You haven’t known a healthy body for so long, its a scary thing to undergo what seems like a major transformation. But honestly, it isn’t that major at all. Your ED is telling you that there only two extreme options: you can be skinny or fat. Your ED is LYING to you. What about healthy? What does healthy look like? It is so hard to say until you get there, but when you do, you’ll know. For me, having a healthier body was that final push to having a healthier mind.
Good luck love!!
You are in the same place I was in a few years back.
I really appreciate your honesty and willingness to acknowledge what you need to do, no matter how hard it seems.
A lot of recovery blogs have the danger of inspiring other girls to remain in the land of recovery rather than actually progress towards being recovered……..if you know what I mean. I think your honesty in this post restored my faith that your blog won’t actually inspire girls to dilly-dally in recovery.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s going to take time to recover. I still struggle everyday and I’ve been recovered for almost ten years. Keep your head up and keep doing what you’re doing. You rock!!!
Shelley, hey I am a follower of your blog. And I have some questions for you. I also am suffering from ED, and I was just advised to stop all forms of exercise, this scares me because I like you am not that underweight I mean I look normal but on hte thin side. I am not wanting to eat anything. I see that you have not exercised in 2 weeks and your eating meals and snacks does that not scare you. Well my email is lwellford@mac.com and I would love to talk to you about this. Sorry about your blood work, but congrats on the milkshake.
Jummy eats and some good improvements!
But it’s so important to realise something I told you before (but you can never hear it enough at this stage). There is no such thing as ‘just a bit’ or ‘not too much’ underweight. You’re underweight because of an ED and that’s dangerous and bad for your body and mind.
Good thing is you can change it. By gaining and doing the right things. No matter how you feel. Just do it. You CAN beat this! But you have to work hard ervy single day and meal…I am there, remember?!
xxx Julia (Taste of Living)
Hi pretty girl,
When I was your age I was so lost in all of the nutrition and diet books that I did not know what end was up.
In order to stay thin, I created a restrictive diet for myself and was always working out. I was thin, yes… but I was unhealthy, nutrient deficient, my skin was breaking out, and I was absolutely miserable, and determined to find an answer.
I came across Natalia Rose’s first book, “The Raw Food Detox Diet” in 2006 and was intrigued. I learned that being healthy does not mean calories, fat, working out, or a number on a scale. It has all to do with what foods we eat and how we eat them. Seriously!
I am so thrilled that I came across your blog. Although, I am thin, I am not only happy, I am very healthy and LOVE food. After meeting and studying with Natalia, I started my own private consulting company, pure bliss. (inpurebliss.com).
In any event, I suggest picking up a copy of her book, I think you may find it enlightening. I look forward to reading more of your entries. You are adorable and I know you will find the path to health.
love,
lauren
p.s. in the meantime, feel free to visit my blog at diaryofanutritionist.com
ah honey, i have been through those exact same thoughts and struggles…for almost 7 years. i know i’m still struggling, but if you ever want to talk, i’m always here for you.
great job with those accomplishments too!
You are doing great girl! Just keep up the good work. I know its hard, but its the best in the long run! You rock!!! I know, its a struggle..I deal with it too, but you will be ok!
My favorite Christmas songs are anything off of the Mariah Carey christmas cd! haha. Only because when I was little we used to listen to it every year when we would decorate the house with the family. And now that Ive moved cross country it always reminds me of them. =)
You are totally on the right track girl! I’m glad you enjoyed that milkshake! Things will only improve from here.
I’m also Jewish but I was obsessed with the *N Sync Christmas CD when it came out a few years ago! That’s how I learned so many songs lol.
yeah shelley for your new goals you have accomplished! i am so proud. all of your eats look great!
my fav christmas song is by mariah carey, all i want for christmas is you 🙂
jenna
Keep strong girl. I remember having to get my blood work done all the time and often the results came back saying I was low in Iorn or calcium. I knew they would be because I don’t eat meat and very little can I tolerate cow’s milk or much dairy. I think with our without an ED, we all have those little imblanances due to all different types of diets. It’s just a matter of figuring them out and getting in the right nutrients as best we can.
Keep your head held high, you are doing so well!!! Every day is a day to rejoyce because of how far you have come. Never stop believing in yourself. 😉
cocoa roasted almonds are the jam! you made your breakfast look like an awesome dessert girl! 😀
Sorry about your bloodwork, I hope that everything is OK. Just keep hanging in there, you’re doing great!
You really are doing great! And as long as you believe what you said in this post – you will overcome this! I believe in you and I know all your friends/family/readers believe in you too.
Its all day by day. Some reach the point of unable to exercise for over a year or more. It is a hard road, but just face one day at a time. I am not sure what my favorite christmas song is. Something not as slow probably. I mentioned that in a post today; the irony of how slow songs can make you sad 🙂
That new oatmeal breakfast looks so tasty!! 🙂
oh my gosh you have SOOO much to be proud of girl!! go YOU!!!
sorry about your blood work-but you have no control over it, try not to stress and just focus on getting healthy so you can get your levels balanced again!! my blood work was freaky at one point..now everything is normal and its SO relieving!! i have no doubt youll get there soon!
Thank you so much for your comment on my blog. It really helped me feel better, and now I’m trying to figure out a way to transfer to Villanova next spring or fall 🙂
Your salad looks soo good! I love reading your blog because you stay so positive, even when things may be getting you down. It inspires me…as corny as that may sound, haha.
Have a great day, girl!<3
I love those kashi oatmeal packets. so tasty…
That’s a pooper about the blood work, but you are on the right path! Your are getting so much stronger everyday. Everyday I wonder why I still have my doubts about recovery… but then I look at my friends and family. I promised myself that I’d never put them through the hell of my ED ever again. That’s what motivates me…
I hope your cold goes away! Especially for the weekend!
stay positive lil mama. everything will work out! continue on getting nutrients in, and not working out. I think that will help ur blood work improve! Its almost christmas, so just keep thinking about that and using that as motivation to get to a healthier goal weight 🙂 oh and get in vitamin c for that cold too! naked juices work wonders!
Shelley! Your eats look great- even when in an airport. 🙂
My fave- the kashi oatmeal, of course.
As for the lack of posting/commenting- no worries hun, you’ve shown me that keeping up with the blog is doable at school. I’m starting my first semester this January, and my biggest fear was not being able to blog. Reading yours makes me not so worried. 🙂
much love xoxo
it’s good that you are having the ensures. they can help with your blood works since they have many added minerals and vitamins. it’s crazy how the body actually just really shows how malnourished it is when you have started recovery.
it’s never easy to get back to normal but i think once we reach that place we can seriously not understand what took us so long to get there. everything will be so much easier and happier 😉
xoxo
Milkshakes….soo good- I don’t get to have them enough! What kind did you have?! Those oats look truly amazing too!
Stopping to work out to get healthier is a BIG step…you should be proud of yourself for that!! Good luck with the rest of your semester!
Ick, 10-page papers are never fun. Research papers are pure pain
But you made it through alive to be blogging! Yay! :] Your breakfast looks delish—LOVE cocoa almonds. And oh yes, that’s an Asian pear right there 😀 I was eating those things before “real” pears! Sooo juicy and yummy. I don’t know any brilliant cold remedies… maybe hot green tea with each meal?
I totally sympathize with you—it’s one thing to know what you need to do, and a whole other issue actually doing it. Be strong, have faith in yourself, and just keep being optimistic! :] My favorite Christmas songs are either Sleigh Ride or Winter Wonderland.
Girl you are AWESOME. You’re making huge progress and clearly loading up on all kinds of healthy things that will do wonders for your health. Don’t worry too much about that blood work, I’m sure as long as you just keep doing what you’re doing (and I KNOW you can and will), everything will balance out in no time. Changes don’t happen overnight, but every little positive effort adds up to the ultimate healthy happy you so keep on trucking!
Good luck with the school stuff too. I have one last paper to finish up and it’s SO hard to find the motivation to do it. But I can’t wait to just get it out of the way! And then exams… and then holidays! Almost here!
You can do it! You are to a great start already. I want you to be able to stay in school so keep up the good work. I know it’s hard adjusting to a higher body weight but eventually you’re perception will change and you will be happy with your weight gain. It just takes a little time.
…and what a better excuse to live a little at holiday parties 🙂
yay ! you SHOULD be proud.
i am proud of being able to speak my mind more
(even though it may not ALWAYS be a good thing) i just get out what is bothering me.
favroite christmas song- white christmas
asian pears are awesomely weird.
You are such an inspiration! I’m really sorry to hear that you are struggling, but I admire your motivation to keep moving forward!
Congrats on your list of accomplishments 🙂 I can definately relate to the one about the ensures… I am so proud that I manage to drink one daily. Love the taste… HATE the idea of it lol.
Your oats look incredible… note to self: make oats look more photogenic 😛
Stay beautiful and strong, you are amazing!
i’m sorry to hear about the bloodwork, girl — but sometimes that’s what it takes to really committ ourselves t recovery. I have no doubt that December will bring you health and happiness. You CAN do this honey and I am always here to help in any way that I can!!
**hugs** ❤
GAH– I’m Jewish but love, love, LOVE Christmas music!! It just makes me smile ear to ear and fills my soul with warmth 🙂
On a more serious, ED related note:
I’ve just been told I need to get bloodwork done and it scares me because I’m apparently too far under my goal weight (though I also feel like I’ve been dieting “normally” and not over exercising). I’m not sure if this is how you feel but I know my problem is once I start losing weight, I accept my body as it is, thus it’s more difficult to try and gain to get back to my goal weight range. It’s a daily struggle, but you’re SO worth it– because you’re a ROCK STAR 🙂
Try and have a good night and don’t dwell on ED too much.
thinking about you and sending tons of love,
bec xo
Sorry your blood work came back not as good as you had hoped–but use it as motivation! You can do it, babe! 🙂
Great eats–your different breakfast sounds phenomenal!
Jealous of the snow flakes!
❤ jess
xoxo
you are always so positive my love!! I love it!
I think you are doing great 🙂 And it is snowing where you are??? I love the snow….we usually only get it a couple times a year here.
Anything with potato and baked in the same sentence is fab to me!! LOL
XXOO
If you keep up the positive attitude, I know you’ll be able to stay in school! Think of it as gaining health, not weight. That way you can keep your long term goals–such as being able to run–in mind. Congrats on the progress you’ve made!
Keep up the positive attitude!
I love a crunchy Asian pear : )
I am proud of finally starting my own blog.
There are few things better in life than Southwest chickens salads. I like to douse mine with hot sauce!!
Good luck with the gain!!! Keep your eye on the prize: healthy hair, great energy, beautiful curves and all over health!
Congrats on staying positive! I hope everything in your blood work comes out alright. Celebrate each day- because you deserve it!
congrats on staying positive- i have ot follow your lead!
the larabar- it’s OKAY not my favorite. i think the cherries are HELLA bitter!
hey sweetie!
i can definitely relate to the feeling that something is there holding me back from recovery. why are we so attached to our underweight bodies? what have they ever brought us that a beautiful, healthy body can’t?
but im so proud of you for making all those accomplishments recently – they are something to celebrate and show how strong you are! keep up the fabulous work my love.
tonnes of love!
xo hannah
Aw gurl!! you are doing so well!!! You have amazing eats too! Such variety too! I love it!! yay for yummy airport food and chipotleeeeeeeeeee! I haven’t had a Luna bar in ages……..thinking I should get on that soon. Kinda craving that peppermint chocolate one!! oo lala!!
it sounds like you are on the right track!! head up! These things don’t happen every night!!
and yes, Asian pears are the ish!! I love them.
HAPPY FRIDAY AND WEEKEND LADYYYYYYYY! 😀
Okay girl, use that blood work scare as some motivation to take care of yourself and do tha damn thing! 🙂
I know life gets crazy when you’re in a sorority, balancing school work, trying to relax a bit AND have to focus on “weight gain”…i understand how tiring it gets, but is so worth it in the end!
Stay strong love!! And that oatmeal breakfast w/ the cocoa almonds and pumpkin butter sounds divine!
Hey! Another Jew that likes X-mas music! Loves it!
I absolutely love how positive and strong you are! Your posts always make me smile and I can really see how hard you are working. Your mind and spirit are there- your body just needs to catch up a little bit and you are golden!
I like Asian pears too- the last one I got was the size of a bowling ball, but it made its way to my stomach just fine!
Have a great day!
xoxo
hello love!!!
I have all the faith in the world that you can bring up your weight so you can stay at school. Keep on smiling girl!!!! 🙂 love you…an you know if you need anything i’m only a click away!
xoxo
http://saladdiva.wordpress.com
oh! i take an emergen-c every morning before i work out 🙂 it’s packed with vitamin c and also gives me a little energy boost!
you’re kickin booooooootay girl keep it going!!
Good luck, Shelley! I know you can do it. It just takes time. And your accomplishments so far are awesome.
Glad you had a nice past few days.
Sarah
Asian Pears are yummy!! I have had one before!!! yum yum!!! I know Pugs are the best, I cant wait!!! Cooking Class was fun!!! Have a wonderful weekend girl!!!!!!!!! xoxo
LOVING all of the freaking amazing bars in this post! 😀
Milkshake!? YUm! You go girlfriend! Now I want one..haha
Aww! You have so many many things to be proud of!! I understand that feeling of something holding you back even though you know what it is you have to do. I went through that too but I realise the more you keep on going, those feelings will slowly dissipate. I think those are remnants of ED lingering just to remind you that its still around. But keep on your tippy toes and I’m sure you will pull through them!!
As for you cold.. uhm.. Lots of water and lots of rest! Hehe.
X’s & O’s
Nat
pullups are worse than burpees. at least i can do burpeez. pullups are a no go from the START!
sorry you have a cold. hot tea? tons. and oranges. =D
damn your breakfasts look much better. i gotta plate mine better. HAHHA. =D
xoxoxox.
That’s awesome you have so many things to be proud of! Keep fighting the good fight! Good health is definitely worth it!
Shelley my dear, I am so freaking proud of you, I could hug you right now. You’re making improvements, step by step…and doesn’t that make you SO happy, and feel so accomplished? Relish in that, my dear, and keep it up!!
That asian pear is called a Nashi pear. It is AMAZING. They are my favorite fruit here in Japan. Kind of like an apple and pear smashed together.
Good luck with upping your weight. I can appreciate how tough losing and gaining weight is, no matter which end you are on!
Hey girl, hope you’ve recovered from your cold! Well, you could try having hot coke with ginger next time?
With regards to no. 6, I’ve no idea too, as I’m trying to decipher that too, haha! Well, I guess we need time, as I believe that as time passes, we’ll eventually think more logically.
xoxo Solange
Hi! I just found your blog and it seems really great! I’m so sorry to hear about the irregularities in your blood work and I really hope that everything turns out ok! Keep on hangin in there!
I am assuming a new post will be coming soon! I just wanted stop by and check in 🙂
I hope you are having a great weekend love!
XXOO
It’s actually incredible how “off” an ED can make your body. For instance I suffered with a binge eating disorder for about 5 years, so my weight yo-yo’ed a lot, and I didn’t my period until I was almost 21 years old. As soon as I started putting my body and health first everything regular’ed out. So even if something if a little “irregular” now with you, I have no doubt that your courage for recovery will win out in the end and your body will figure it all out 🙂
xo