Element Bars & Bumps in the Road

19 Nov

hi lovess,

so i spent some time thinking about what I wanted this post to be about. I was having some struggles because I want my blog to be a positive, happy place but at the same time i am going through a lot right now and it is great to have this as a place to vent.

I decided both are equally important & possible! so for the first half of this post i’m going to be positive & show you some exciting eats & for the second part i’m going to be more honest and i guess negative?

Wednesday started out with a workout which consisted of 20 minutes of running & some lunges, squats & abs. It was quick but felt good.

To replenish I had myself a big ole’ yogurt mess featuring this baby

I had never tried this flavor, only vanilla. I actually liked it a lot! The fruit flavoring was subtle, but good. I thought this yogurt would be really good if you froze it and ate it like froyo!

my yogurt mess had some strawberries, a banana, cascadian’s cinnamon crunch (new fav), peanut butter (cinnamon raisin swirl), & cinnamon to top it off!

After breakfast, I was off to my retail class (is it just me or are the weeks FLYING by?? I feel like it was just Wednesday when I was posting last!) anyways that was fine, and after I got subway with my friend in the class! We got it to go

I got turkey on wheat with pepper jack & pretty much all the veggies! I ate it with a sliced up apple & some pretzels (unpictured).

After subway, I brought my boyy a foot long chicken breast sub & we took a nap! Then i went back to my dorm & hung out with some people before my 4:30 class.

& On the way back to my dorm from gar’s, I checked my mail & was SUPER excited because I had a package… I had ordered element bars, a great website where you create your own bar, & they finally came!!!!

yep, happiness & health bars… sooo cuteee!! i got the peanut butter crispy core base & added chocolate chips, pumpkin spice, some soy protein, & Β almonds.

this bar was honestly DELICIOUS. I had it for a snack.

it honestly tasted like a cookie! I loved it πŸ™‚ I would HIGHLY recommend this website to anyone! It is so much fun designing your own bar.. especially for food bloggers like us hah & the cost is $36 for 12 bars.. not terribly bad, but not cheap either. It was a little gift to myself

I had to go to my sorority house from like 6:15-10, so i couldn’t eat dinner til 10! I’m involved in this thing called humorology which is like a musical that sororities/fraternities put on as a fundraiser so it takes up a lot of my time! Luckily, the boy got me panera to cheer me up (more later) & I ate a lotttt

I had a whole bbq chicken salad & half a tuna sandwich. I got tuna because it is out of my comfort zone and i am working hard to incorporate foods that I have avoided over the past 8 months or so

later, instead of my ensure plus I drank this babyyy

omg soo good!! seriously, if you are a pumpkin lover like me, you will LOOVE this. it tastes like pumpkin pie in a shake. & I also ate a small handful of dark chocolate tj espresso beans.. yumm

ok, so now onto the not so happy stuff…

As i’ve mentioned before, I have started seeing a nutritionist here at the university. I have seen her twice, and she has weighed me each time. I told you about the ‘weigh-in’ with my Mom and how it went well on Sunday. But when I went to the nutritionist on Tuesday, I had lost weight again. In fact, I was a little less than a pound down from where I was last week when she weighed me πŸ˜₯

I instantly panicked because I knew she would freak out & think I should be pulled out of school but honestly, I was really surprised I had lost! I mean, I know i kind of slacked on the eating the past couple days, but I didn’t think it’d cause me to lose like that.. it’s crazy how weight can change.

Anyways, I signed forms saying that the health services could contact my parents… & they did. They told my parents they would recommend pulling me out of school. My mom said she is going to give me some more time to prove that I am willing to change, but that if I don’t it will be the only option.

This is so hard for me, I do NOT want to leave school. I am happy here and I feel I am on the road to recovery. I also hate how the university health service people are treating this issue. They are making me feel like I am much worse than I believe I am. I eat very regularly and feel that even though I have some issues, I am not nearly as disordered as they are making me out to be. I’ve only met with them twice & I think it is crazy they are telling my parents that kind of suggestion already.

It really upset me hearing this from my Mom. i was feeling so positive about the track I was on but hearing that made me start to doubt myself. i found myself questioning my ability to actually gain weight & now i am just really nervous because I refuse to let myself have to go home next semester.. Part of me just feels that they are pushing me too hard. I just need to keep telling myself I can do this and I want to do this.

this is simply a bump in the road and I will get through it.

Thanks for listening to me vent. It really helps. do any of you have advice for staying on track?

and i’m curious, COMPLETELY random, what is your go-to breakfast? do you have any ideas for me that are easy for at school? πŸ™‚

have thrilling thursdays!! (haha love alliteration)

xoxooxoxoxo

Shelleyβ™₯

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35 Responses to “Element Bars & Bumps in the Road”

  1. Devan Geselle November 19, 2009 at 11:12 am #

    The happiness and Health bars to SO cute! haha. I would have totally thought of you if I saw them. no joke

    when I was in the states, i saw the siggis yogurt and wanted to buy it… but I cant have dairy. poo. but Siggi is my grandmas (dads mom) names. (weird!) haha ❀

    love you!

    • shell625 November 19, 2009 at 11:16 am #

      well i actually named them happiness & health bars!! on the website you make your own bars & name them… you should do it!

  2. MelissaNibbles November 19, 2009 at 11:45 am #

    Those bars look delish! I wish they weren’t so expensive 😦

    I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. It stinks that they’re making such an issue over 1 pound. Your weight fluctuates everyday. I could weigh myself in the morning and be two pounds lighter at night you know? Do you they take water weight into consideration at all? It just doesn’t seem fair. I think you’re doing great and should express these feelings to your parents and the university. In the meantime, maybe just add another meal or dessert to your daily meal plan. That way, you know you’re getting some extra calories in.

    Good luck sweetie!

  3. Diane Doesn't Diet November 19, 2009 at 11:51 am #

    Those bars look SO good! I might have to make some for myself, haha.

    Do your parents know about your blog? From reading it for just a short time, I would agree with you that you seem to be trying really hard to recover. And honestly, you’re allowed to have a few bumps in the road…you’re only human. What’s important is that you’re TRYING, and you’re staying healthy.

    I hope you have a happier weekend, girl! ❀

  4. Lexi November 19, 2009 at 12:08 pm #

    ok first off, i want to make my own par! so cool!
    secondly, i’m really proud of you for going out of your comfort zone with the tuna. you’re amazing.
    thirdly, don’t let this little weight drop get your motivation down. believe in yourself. you’re doing so well. keep fighting and prove that you can be at school. to stay on track, i make a list of my goals/motivations and look at it every time i feel like quitting. it helps a lot. stay strong lovie!

  5. blueeyedheart November 19, 2009 at 12:20 pm #

    I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with this… I also find it quite annoying that a big fuss is made over a little drop in weight when you’re doing the right things. Weight fluctuates. It happens. But if you keep doing what you should be, you’ll prove to your parents, the school, and yourself that you can do this.

    Cereal. Cereal. And cereal! Used to be with soy milk, but since they no longer make the one I liked, I’m trying almond milks now.

    ❀ ❀

  6. Megan November 19, 2009 at 12:47 pm #

    Those Element Bars look so good!! I might have to make it an early Christmas present to myself πŸ™‚

    I’m really sorry about the weight issue.. I agree with what everyone else has said.. weight fluctuates SO much during the day! You can even go up and down as much as 3 pounds during the course of the day depending on when you’ve eaten, when you worked out, etc. Did the nutritionist at your school even look at the food you’re eating? Just remember to stay strong girl.. you’re doing this for yourself and only you know about all the progress you’ve made so far! ❀

  7. kbwood November 19, 2009 at 12:49 pm #

    a few things.. first of all.. i saw that pumpkin pie shake on campus the other day..a girl was drinking it and i thought YUMMY!! i want one!! and those bars look AWESOME.

    girl- it is scary for your mom to not have control over what you are eating at school, you have to prove that she can trusts you.. the minute you start gaining, ED comes in and trys to scare you and convinces you that “restricting a little wont make a difference” .. but it DOES. you have GOT to get healthy for yourself, and for your body. the more we destroy are bodies, the harder it takes to get it back to normal, and sometimes it never even goes back to normal. to stay on track.. i weighed myself about every 2 weeks and if i had even lost a little bit-i add about 250 calories everyday and then it gets me back on track..it makes such a huge difference in how you FEEL..our bodies cannot function at a low weight! and my go-to breakfast is DEF oats πŸ™‚ they always keep me satisfied!! last year in the dorm i did yogurt messes, oatmeal, kashi cereal and heated up egg beaters in the microwave..

    you are awesome and you can do this!

  8. determinedtoshine November 19, 2009 at 2:22 pm #

    ahh those bars are so cool! what a great treat to yourself πŸ™‚

    dont doubt yourself my love. just because your weight went down a tad this week doesnt mean your not strong enough to do this – you’re mindset is exactly where it needs to be for recovery. the scales can fluctuate so easily, so one weigh in shouldnt be what determines whether you should stay at school or not. just believe in yourself and stay motivated! you can do this!

    love ❀
    xo hannah

  9. startinghealthy November 19, 2009 at 2:31 pm #

    My go-to breakfast is oatmeal cooked in the microwave. I usually just chop up a banana and put it in with cinnamon and nutmeg. If Greek yogurt freezes like regular yogurt, it won’t really get a “frozen yogurt” consistency, which I think is constantly stirred as it freezes. It’s still great though (as long as you don’t let it freeze all the way through).

  10. Kristie November 19, 2009 at 2:58 pm #

    If you know you’re doing things right and feel confident in your ability to keep up the good eating habits and get healthy again then just keep doing what you’re doing and it WILL work out. That’s unfair that the university is giving those recommendations so easily especially when only having seen you a couple times, and that your parents aren’t being as understanding as you would like. But prove them wrong, you seem to know what you’re doing and WANT to do the right thing so just keep staying strong and allow that drive to stay in school and get as healthy as you possibly can for YOU to keep you on the right track. You can do it!

  11. Naomi (onefitfoodie) November 19, 2009 at 3:27 pm #

    shelley, you are doing such an amazing job. I read every word on this post and I wish I was just there with you to give you the biggest hug. You are so on the right track now and really doing a graet job incorporating foods ‘out of your comfort zone’ and I can tell that your mind and heart are in this 100%

    I wil say it is a bit unfair of the university to say all of this when they have only seen you twice, and your mom isn’t being as supportive as you thought, but this should just fuel your fire to stay on the right track and DETERMINED to get 100% healthy.

    you have so much support and if you ever need anything, you know where to find me πŸ™‚

    xo

  12. Missy Maintains November 19, 2009 at 4:02 pm #

    I can tell you are on the right track and you want to get better. It sucks that just 1 pound was such a big deal…we all gain and lose a pound here and there. At least your mom believes in you and is giving you another chance. I know you will get there girl!!

    My favorite breakfast for work is oatmeal since it is quick and easy. Peanut butter and banana on an English muffin is also a good one.

  13. Gina G November 19, 2009 at 5:46 pm #

    Hi Shelly! my name is gina, Im 17 and from michigan. I started reading your blog about a week ago through Ms. PB&Jenny! I just caught up and read your story, and i have to say, mine is soooo similar. You are doing wonderful though Shelly, don’t give up! =)
    my favorite, like many already mentioned, is oatmeal with lots of PB and cinnamon…. or you could add nuts or granola, or whatever you like! another one that is good is overnight oats or the Fitnessista’s breakfast cookie! have a wonderful day =)

  14. Erika November 19, 2009 at 5:51 pm #

    Hey girlie,

    I haven’t been reading your blog for all that long, but I’ve caught up enough to know what you are going through and I just wanted to send you a hug and let you know you have one more person on your support team if ya need πŸ˜‰

    I have a friend who has dealt with an eating disorder for a few years now and she is actually at the same school you are (I think). She faced the same issue sort of this year when it was time for her to go back in the fall. Her parent’s weren’t sure if she was healthy/stable enough to go.. she was fighting really hard.. etc. She ended up “making a deal” with her parents – she entered a more intensive (but still outpatient so she can go to school) program, and I think it’s either on campus or pretty close. I could talk to her and find out what/where it is.. do you think that’s an option your parents and dietician would consider? Feel free to email me if you have any Qs

    -E

  15. lowandbhold November 19, 2009 at 5:57 pm #

    Those bars are so cute and it’s awesome that you got a fear food and drank that Odwalla. That’s a good step!

    I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I wish I had some kind of wisdom to impart, but just know we’re here for you and you are more than welcome to vent anytime you need to!

  16. crazylittlethingneela November 19, 2009 at 6:31 pm #

    sweetie i hope you don’t take this offensive but i was really shocked to see that you still run. if your meadical team are so concerned about you, you should know yourself that you are in no condition to run. no matter how fit and strong you feel. that was just my first thought when i saw your post about going for a run. i know it can be triggering to see so many people go for runs but remember that most of them are not as underweight as you. look at me i am even weight restored yet i don’t run because i know my body still needs to rest

  17. katie November 19, 2009 at 6:55 pm #

    Those bars look so good!!! I will have to check the site out!! Oh my the Pumpkin smoothie is so good, I tried it a couple weeks ago and need to get another one!!!!! Keep your head up girl!!! xoxo

  18. nattietan November 19, 2009 at 7:41 pm #

    Hey hun!! Sometimes it may be due to your metabolism jumping up which may explain the weight loss so that would probably call for… more input! Anywayyyy.. as you were asking, I take a standard 2 Ensure Pluses a day which are a little different from the U.S Ensures I believe because ours contain 300 kcal per packet. And then I have an extra serving of milk with calcium concentrate at night. So on days I engage in exercise, I’m supposed to replace my nightly serving of milk with Ensure instead. It’s quite amazing how much our bodies need in order to gain because those Ensures are on top of my 3 square meals and 3 snacks and I’m only like….. 5 ft tall. =x

    Keep you chin up sweetie! And you are doing so many things right so be proud of yourself and be too upset with your Mum especially because you know you have been working hard at recovery! *hugs*

    Have a lovely Friday!!

    xx

  19. chocolate pickle November 19, 2009 at 8:01 pm #

    The thing that helped me a lot was actually NOT getting weighed for a period of time…it took the focus off of a number and onto my health and how I felt and looked….because when they started weighing me, I would gain weight then lose weight and it was only a few pounds (which can happen for NO reason at all or due to stress, lack of sleep, SO many things)…so instead of worrying about up or down a pound or two, the nutritionist said she could tell if I looked healthier and instead focused on what I was eating and adding calories that wouldn’t make me really full….like lots of nuts:) Then once we re-focused, they started weighing me and didn’t tell me what my weight was…..eventually I know that I gained weight, it just took a few months…..maybe this is something you could suggest so that you don’t have to worry SO much about a number and focus on healthy eating:) Just a thought:) Good luck!!!! I hope whatever you end up doing is what’s best for YOU!!

  20. homecookedem November 19, 2009 at 9:13 pm #

    My go-to breakfast is yogurt, cereal, and fruit. It works great for me!! πŸ™‚

    That pumpkin protein shake looks great!! πŸ™‚

    Sorry to hear about the latest weigh-in. When I was at my lowest, I started trying to gain some back and was so surprised when I started eating more and continued to lose weight. I’m not sure why that happened, but I almost wonder if it’s b/c I was finally eating enough and it was speeding up metabolism?? Not sure, but I think as long as you just continue on nourishing your body with healthy, good food, you’ll eventually reach your goals for where you want to be.

  21. lora November 19, 2009 at 9:42 pm #

    i totally understand where you are right now. Although physically, I should have been taken out of school, mentally, I was so healthy. I loved school for the first time in months, and although my body was not reacting as quickly as many would have liked, I had to keep proving that I was getting better. I think once you are mentally healthy and happy (as in, no longer depressed, paranoid, worried 24/7, or whatever the case may be) and once you are ready to change, then your body will follow suit. People are different and while some may gain immediately, it may take others (like me, when I was underweight) almost a full year to stabilize out. Its rough, girl, but I think if you just let your nutritionist know that you are ready for change, and if you let her know that you are eating healthy foods, she won’t be so quick to react about a small weight loss, and begin to trust you. Continue feeding your body with awesome nutrients and you will be fine! You need to just remember to get those extra snacks in no matter what, and you need to remember that some days may have to be slightly more sedentary (as in little exercise). I know it will work out girlie πŸ™‚ just keep listening to your body and fueling it properly….an extra scoop of ice cream is kinda nice, no? πŸ™‚

    xoxo
    Lo

  22. burpexcuzme November 19, 2009 at 11:28 pm #

    Oh, dear. I totally know what you mean….you DON’T want to end up like me. Within a month of school, I was sent to the hospital, and then they wouldn’t let me back in unless I gave prove of 2 weeks of inpatient treatment program, which I did NOT have the money for.

    I’m not trying to scare you, just to let you know that you really, really need to fight…HARD. Prove to them that you really mean business, that you really DO want to recover, that you really WILL recover. Trust is hard to win, but as you consistently challenge yourself, and show them that you are trying, they will learn to trust you, and will be more willing to compromise with you.

    Gaining weight, getting enough calories in, while dealing with school stress…that’s not easy, or fun. But it can be done, and you just need to know that there is no room or wiggle space for slacking off, or irrational fears. There is NO ROOM for ED!

    Great breakfast options: bagel with cream cheese or peanut butter. Banana with peanut butter and chocolate chips. A grilled cheese sandwich. Your own healthy rendition of a milkshake, just make sure it has enough calories. Oatmeal, topped with granola and nuts. Stuff like that.

    If you ever need more advice, or to vent, please don’t hesitate to ask.

    Best of luck!!!

  23. Allie (Live Laugh Eat) November 20, 2009 at 12:08 am #

    That’s pretty awesome! I have always wanted to customize my very own bar πŸ™‚ I love that your name is printed on the label!

  24. Hillary November 20, 2009 at 1:55 am #

    I have been wanting to create my own Element Bar. Your combo sounds yummy!

  25. Kris | iheartwellness.com November 20, 2009 at 2:13 am #

    Hey Bella, I love this post πŸ™‚

    I think it is really great that you opened up about the issue you had and this is a good way for you vent and get it out. You learn a lot about yourself and situations when you express them πŸ˜‰

    I am very proud of you and you are my ray of sun, doll!! Just remember to listen to your body always – she is always telling you what you need πŸ˜‰ Maybe get some yogurt with some fat in it πŸ˜‰

    Love Kris

  26. julia November 20, 2009 at 9:09 am #

    First: love that bar!

    Now…I’m gonna be honest because you deserve that (a lot of people will just say ‘yes’ because it’s easier and what you wanna here…but I think you deserve so much more)

    Girl; I recognize a lot of myself in this story. For way too long, I was recovering but if I look back…not to the fullest. Recovery is so hard, so hard. YOu have to make it the most important thing in your life, every choice has to benefit you in this recovery. That means good eating (every single day, every single meal, every snack…no exception), no exercising (and I know how hard that is, I decided to stop dancing and I still miss it so much. But running isn’t a good choice now girl) and gaining weight. If you haven’t gained enough (and loosing isn’t an option. If you truly are eating a weight gainers diet, that won’t happen much…I can see that now, not at that time) then add more to your plans.

    I don’t mean to be hard, I just want you to be healty and happy because it’s worth it. You’re worth it. I wish someone would have told be these things, because they are true.

    You can do this! I am there for support or questions!

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  27. Melinda November 20, 2009 at 4:19 pm #

    I LOVE Element bars- yummie! πŸ˜€

    Try not to let the number get to you- sometimes weight loss/gain can be caused by stress as well- some of it can be from school or people putting high expectations on you with trying to gain weight- maybe you should have a talk with your nutritionist and those around you and let them know that you are doing everything that you can and maybe they could back off some so you can breathe. Personally, I think you are doing a great job! πŸ˜€

  28. vegfiguresk8er November 20, 2009 at 5:09 pm #

    I have been wanting to try the pumpkin Odwalla drink for some time now, but I did know if it was any good! I’m excited to try it! πŸ™‚

    I know you will get through the bump in the road! just stay positive πŸ™‚

    my fav breakfast on the go is cliff bars and a green juice πŸ™‚

  29. traynharder23 November 20, 2009 at 7:02 pm #

    yay bars to call your own!

    haha. it IS strange i sleep like that. hahha.=D

    stay positive! my breakfast on the go is like a larabar, or like packd yogurt. =D

    run was okay…i made it!

  30. calmkindpeace November 20, 2009 at 7:22 pm #

    Oh, I am going through an extremely extremely difficult time now. I have not been exercising AT ALL for almost 1 full year. I used to love running and was great at it, now I am just a broken body basically. I basically sit all the time and I am not exaggerating. Just sit. And I keep thinking I ought to do more, but am so lost now its impossible. I have no money for things like a gym or yoga either. I just walk about 30 minutes a day so lazy slow. And eating so much too. Are you opposed to treats? Eat some ice cream and stuff? I think that its important to eat more than you feel you need or feel comfortable with because you want the metabolism to bounce back. I have let it drag out way way way too long (listening to others, or feeling like it was wrong) so I am pretty sure my metabolism is permanently messed up. So, try to remedy yourself now while you can …I wish you well. Wish I had more friends like you and some of the other commenters there to really talk to about these things…particularly difficult for me because I have not exercised in so long…and worry its all been done wrong (cause my doctors and stuff are only so much help….at the end of the day they are really just guessing too and give mixed messages). Hang in there.

  31. Lauren November 20, 2009 at 7:24 pm #

    Those bars look like a cookie so I am sure they taste just like one too!

    And I must try to find this Pumpkin Drink. It’s the 3rd time I’ve seen it on the blogsphere and I am getting so jealous. I love anything and everything pumpkin so its definitely a sure thing for me.

    Shelly, you are sooo strong! Don’t let this little hiccup set you back because you will gain some and loose some but in the end, you will be such a stronger person. I promise. If you need to talk, I’m here! πŸ˜‰

  32. elise November 20, 2009 at 8:13 pm #

    hmmmmm, i wonder how element bars compare to youbars? thats a build your own site too. yum!

  33. simplysavlysav November 20, 2009 at 9:06 pm #

    Sweet bars! I’m definitely checking out that web sight!
    It seems like you’re really trying hard, and there are a lot of factors playing into recovery including hyper metabolism? Medical teams can be frustrating especially if they are not ED specialists, try not to let them get you down too much, your parents seem reasonable. Stay focused on your goal of beautiful Health, what helped me stay on track was being honest with my self and my family and asking for help, if a day was rough then make sure I would have all my meals in the company of friends or family so as to lesson temptation =]
    My go to breakfast? Apple and pb with cereal and milk! have a great weekend! ❀

  34. Liza November 22, 2009 at 6:40 pm #

    Shelley,
    My go to breakfast is PB toast with cinnamon and bananas on top, Tips for gaining is to STOP ALL FORM OF EXERCISE, it was hard for me to do but when I did I gained.

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