so i spent some time thinking about what I wanted this post to be about. I was having some struggles because I want my blog to be a positive, happy place but at the same time i am going through a lot right now and it is great to have this as a place to vent.
I decided both are equally important & possible! so for the first half of this post i’m going to be positive & show you some exciting eats & for the second part i’m going to be more honest and i guess negative?
Wednesday started out with a workout which consisted of 20 minutes of running & some lunges, squats & abs. It was quick but felt good.
To replenish I had myself a big ole’ yogurt mess featuring this baby
After breakfast, I was off to my retail class (is it just me or are the weeks FLYING by?? I feel like it was just Wednesday when I was posting last!) anyways that was fine, and after I got subway with my friend in the class! We got it to go
After subway, I brought my boyy a foot long chicken breast sub & we took a nap! Then i went back to my dorm & hung out with some people before my 4:30 class.
& On the way back to my dorm from gar’s, I checked my mail & was SUPER excited because I had a package… I had ordered element bars, a great website where you create your own bar, & they finally came!!!!
this bar was honestly DELICIOUS. I had it for a snack.
it honestly tasted like a cookie! I loved it 🙂 I would HIGHLY recommend this website to anyone! It is so much fun designing your own bar.. especially for food bloggers like us hah & the cost is $36 for 12 bars.. not terribly bad, but not cheap either. It was a little gift to myself
I had to go to my sorority house from like 6:15-10, so i couldn’t eat dinner til 10! I’m involved in this thing called humorology which is like a musical that sororities/fraternities put on as a fundraiser so it takes up a lot of my time! Luckily, the boy got me panera to cheer me up (more later) & I ate a lotttt
I had a whole bbq chicken salad & half a tuna sandwich. I got tuna because it is out of my comfort zone and i am working hard to incorporate foods that I have avoided over the past 8 months or so
ok, so now onto the not so happy stuff…
As i’ve mentioned before, I have started seeing a nutritionist here at the university. I have seen her twice, and she has weighed me each time. I told you about the ‘weigh-in’ with my Mom and how it went well on Sunday. But when I went to the nutritionist on Tuesday, I had lost weight again. In fact, I was a little less than a pound down from where I was last week when she weighed me 😥
I instantly panicked because I knew she would freak out & think I should be pulled out of school but honestly, I was really surprised I had lost! I mean, I know i kind of slacked on the eating the past couple days, but I didn’t think it’d cause me to lose like that.. it’s crazy how weight can change.
Anyways, I signed forms saying that the health services could contact my parents… & they did. They told my parents they would recommend pulling me out of school. My mom said she is going to give me some more time to prove that I am willing to change, but that if I don’t it will be the only option.
This is so hard for me, I do NOT want to leave school. I am happy here and I feel I am on the road to recovery. I also hate how the university health service people are treating this issue. They are making me feel like I am much worse than I believe I am. I eat very regularly and feel that even though I have some issues, I am not nearly as disordered as they are making me out to be. I’ve only met with them twice & I think it is crazy they are telling my parents that kind of suggestion already.
It really upset me hearing this from my Mom. i was feeling so positive about the track I was on but hearing that made me start to doubt myself. i found myself questioning my ability to actually gain weight & now i am just really nervous because I refuse to let myself have to go home next semester.. Part of me just feels that they are pushing me too hard. I just need to keep telling myself I can do this and I want to do this.
this is simply a bump in the road and I will get through it.
Thanks for listening to me vent. It really helps. do any of you have advice for staying on track?
and i’m curious, COMPLETELY random, what is your go-to breakfast? do you have any ideas for me that are easy for at school? 🙂
have thrilling thursdays!! (haha love alliteration)