“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.” – Babatunde Olatanji
That is pretty much the quote I’ve been trying to live by. I realized that I can’t change what I went through in the past, and I can’t really change or control my future, but I can be in control of what I do today.
I’m going try to actually stick to my word and start posting regularly. I did really miss blogging and it’s crazy how blogging in some ways keeps me accountable, and to be honest, happy. So as much as I love everyone who reads my blog, I decided to start again for myself.
There is so much to catch you guys up on and I am a little overwhelmed with where to start!! I’m going to break everything down a little so you get a sense of where I’ve been, where I’m at, and where I’m going 🙂
College
I had an AMAZING sophomore year. This year was the first time I’ve felt like a “normal” college student. Although I still definitely struggled with my eating disorder (I’ll fill you in on that in a bit), I went out with my friends, ate SO many fear foods, laughed a TON, and had some amazing experiences.
For example….
Obama came to Wisconsin.. and I shook his hand!!!
tossing pizza & laughing a lot on a night out….. The Dominos people obviously love me :-\
fun nights out with new friends!
Great formal dates 🙂
Going to California to watch Wisconsin play in the Rosebowl!!!! (so what if we lost….)
Punta Cana for spring break with all my best friends!!!!
Humo (if you read last year..hard to explain) with my sorority and another frat!! so fun.
So basically, I’ve been actually living. Of course there were not so happy times but overall I am so thankful for all the amazing things I did this year.
Recovery
Whoever said that the hardest part of recovery comes when you’re weight restored is completely, 100% right. Physically, I appear to be completely healthy and normal. But mentally, as much as I want to think I am, I’m not. Body image is the biggest struggle for me. Worst of all, I’ve dealt with some over-eating and uncontrolled eating as a result of my loooooong period of restriction. At a certain point I wanted to give up, but now I realize that if I want to feel good and happy, I need to take care of myself. I need to do what makes me happy and eating well and regularly exercising (but not in a manner that makes me exhausted) makes me happy (along with being social with my friends of course (the most important!!!)). Even though I want to act carefree and like most of my friends, I’m finally starting to accept that I’m just not exactly the same and I’m fine with it! I can still go out and be with everyone, I just need to make sure I’m taking care of myself. I’m finally feeling hopeful and in control and I realize that in order to be truly recovered, I need to get into a healthy eating pattern. I saw a nutritionist to get a meal plan again and I’ve been trying my best to follow it! It can be hard but it is what I need so that food is no longer something stressful or a source of guilt. Food is GOOD and we need food so I want to enjoy it and not see it as the enemy anymore. I’ve also accepted that my eating disorder is about more than food, and that realization has helped me figure out what I really need to do to let go of it and what exactly causes me to act out disordered behaviors.
Summer
This summer I’m staying in MADISON!!!! I go to school here but from Ohio so this is my first time on my own in the summer. I’m subletting an apartment, taking a 3 week class, and working as an undergraduate research assistant in a psych lab (I’m a psych major). So far the experience has been amazing and I love living in an apartment with my best friends. I also can cook which is a HUUUGE plus, so hopefully I’ll have some fun/easy/cheap meals to show you guys!
Here’s a little preview of a “healthy” shrimp fried rice recipe!!
What I want from my blog
I want to show people how to live a balanced life in college! I go out and can be completely crazy but I am also health-conscious and that is completely ok. It is starting to work for me now that i’ve accepted that it is the way I am. My main priority is finally taking care of myself and I’m trying to stop worrying so much about everyone else’s opinion. I also am on a budget so I hope to show you all how to make some cheap & easy meals in college! Basically, I want to share my experiences, struggles, and advice and I hope you’ll all follow along 🙂
Thank you all so much for your comments & e-mails! It honestly means the world to me.
QUESTIONS-
1) Is there anything specific you want to see on my blog that you either liked before or haven’t seen yet?
Until next time!!
Finding Happiness and Health 
Shelley I use to love reading your blog and when I saw you were back I was so excited! I will be in my junior year of college this year and I feel like I am at a similar place in my recovery as you are. Can’t wait to keep reading! 🙂
thanks so much for reading!! i’m going to be a junior too..if you ever wanna chat let me know
SO glad you are back! I missed your blog! I struggle with the same thing. I hate the way I look ,but I know I look better then I did. I struggle every day with that number and overeating because I fear it will be gone
It’s such a tough place to be!
Glad you know you look better- healthy is ALWAYS more attractive than underweight. Overeating is definitely mentally hard but i find that it helps for me to take a few deep breaths and think about WHY i want to overeat/binge when i know it ‘ll make me feel miserable!
Shelley! I may have just pissed my pants seeing a new post from you. We NEED to catch up! Believe me, you will get over that “bump” in the “I’m recovered” road – it just takes time 😀 I cannot WAIT to read more and I’m so so so friggin’ happy for you galpal! Ha how corny was that…galpal…it’s been a long day.
LOVE you!
I’m so glad to see that you’re back in the blogging world! I’m looking forward to reading your new posts with the “rebirth” of your blog. welcome back!!
xoxo
A very proud Mom!
Love you!!!!!
Hi girl! So glad you’re back to blogging! I just graduated, but I’d still love to read your healthy college living posts because I can definitely relate to having to deal with trying to find normalcy and balance after abusing your body for awhile.
It looks like you’re doing wonderfully for yourself though, and I’m SO happy for ya!!
Welcome back girl! Great to hear from you, I’m so porud of all that progress you’ve made. Those last steps are difficult, but I know you will take them and will soon be able to live your life to the fullest without those bad feelings. So nice to be able to read about that and about the rest of your life, I’ve missed you! xxx
so good to see that you are back and doing well. can’t wait to read more 🙂
im SO happy you are back! and u are on such a great track!
Oh Shelley, I have missed you tremendously!!! especially your openness and honesty – it’s so refreshing! (especially because I think a lot of bloggers tend to make it appear as though recovery is all rainbows and butterflies when anyone who’s struggled knows that’s definitely not the case.. at all!) I had a major relapse this past semester and have started working with a nutritionist again as well. Slip ups are inevitable sometimes and working through them only makes us stronger. i’m really proud of you for taking the initiative to seeks help for yourself again and reclaim your health. I’ve seen you do it before and I have no doubts that you can do it again. I’m rooting for you, beautiful!
LOVE YOU TONS!!
You sound so much like me when I was in school. I lived the sorority life, partied with friends, yet I was still concerned for my health with exercise and eating. To be honest, it’s very hard to be both the ‘typical college student’ and to be on point with a healthy lifestyle. But I got to a point, especially junior and senior year, that I wanted to fully experience college and if I didn’t get my 5-9 servings of veggies or exercise 5-6 days a week, it was OK.
Believe me, when college ends you have plenty of time for exercise to be more of a focus. Enjoy your time now and dive fully into the experience of college. I’m not saying you can’t be healthy, because you can, but it’s not going to be a perfect balance and it shouldn’t be…nothing in life is ever in perfect balance.
Can’t wait to read more! I like your posts, how they mix what you are going through in recovery, your day-to-day life and recipes. I think it’s a nice blend of topics! 🙂
yayayyy!! your blog was my favorite and i could not be more excited that you are back. from your short recap, i think we are in very similar places right now with recovery and struggles. i can’t wait for more posts! 🙂
Shelley,
I love your honesty! It is great to hear about all of the things you have been doing and how you’ve been doing in recovery. It sounds like, although you’ve had your struggles, you are doing your best to live life to the fullest. That is amazing and that IS recovery. It’s okay to struggles as long as you don’t let ed overtake you.
I’m so proud of you girl!
xxx
gahhhh! i am SOOO excited you are back in action!!!
You probably wouldn’t believe this but it’s incredibly true!
Your blog is the first blog I came across when I developed eating disorder. I’d restrain myself from eating, day by day, I became terribly skinny, my face extremely pale and my hair dry and thin. I was lost, I didn’t know what I could do, what I would do. I thought dying was my only option as time passes. Then I stumbled upon your blog – I couldn’t remember how, but I’m glad I did.
I hadn’t the least bit idea that plenty of girls all around the world suffer from eating disorder and was relieved to know I wasn’t the only battling and struggling through it. It was a complete comfort knowing that you’re enjoying yourself so much right now, because now that I’ve slowly recovered I’m beginning to really feel what it’s like to live!
I could run about, shoot baskets, dance around, mingle with friends, and do so many other things I used to miss out back then. I’m certain you’re having lots of fun in college, too!
Delighted to see you back!
that means so much to me!!! an eating disorder is a miserable thing and definitely not worth it, so glad you realize that now!
Shelley! So glad you’re back girl, miss you! We should definitely chat someday and catch up…I know we were at very similar places a while back and I feel like we still are…love you!
You’re beautiful, girl!!! So happy things are going well for you, looks like an awesome sophomore year. Enjoy your summer, and all the experiences to come, you’re doing GREAT!! Proud and happy for you ❤
Yay! So excited you are back!
So glad you’re baaaaack! I went through a rough period where I backtracked a little during recovery too…but I know you’ll get past it because you’ve always been so freaking determined. Can’t wait to hear more from you girl!!
Hi! I’m struggling with anorexia and I really want to gain some weight in a healthy way. I need a balanced diet with lots of proteins, carbohydrates and some healthly fats. I’ve met with dietitian but he didn’t help me at all. Do u have any useful tips for me? What did your nutrionist say to you? Do u have a sample meal plan? Please help 🙂 Write to me on email!
take care!
hi hun, i’m not really comfortable giving you a meal plan. I think if you didn’t find help from that nutritionist you should find another one. Maybe you need more intensive treatment too 🙂 you can do this!
So glad you’re blogging again! I used to read it regularly (back before I had my own blog!) and I always enjoyed it a lot. I’m excited to see what you have to say! Welcome back!
You are so beautiful and I admire your candidness so much!! Here’s to a fabulous junior year!
Hi,
I can’t see a nutritionist…too bad…would luv to know what a typical day on your meal plan is though…it might inspire me or give me some tips for what a typical 2-3 days might be like. I’m not exercising at all and feel insanely guilty for carbs. I’m quite flustered!
You are beautiful!
Oops, I just saw your reply about meal plan above. I guess I was wondering what typical ideas are. But I see you posted some dinner samples above, maybe that is a good idea. So maybe a grain-protein-veg-fat type of thing. Then maybe snacks are …not sure. Oh well, I’ll puzzle through it.
hi hun- if you are gaining weight i wouldn’t recommend duplicating these meals, as they are not really enough food to gain weight. When I was gaining weight here is a sample of one of my meals:
2 slices whole wheat bread, turkey, 2 slices cheese, a bunch of pretzels (prob 2 servings), and an apple
good luck! look at my older posts (like feb 2010) to see some more bigger meals
Your so inspirational =) I really hope you keep up posting. I think its so inspiring for others and seems to help you as well.
About being weight restored and it “being hard”. Ive come to accept that eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes so I dont think being a certain ‘size’ means your healthy in mind or body.