“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.” – Babatunde Olatanji
That is pretty much the quote I’ve been trying to live by. I realized that I can’t change what I went through in the past, and I can’t really change or control my future, but I can be in control of what I do today.
I’m going try to actually stick to my word and start posting regularly. I did really miss blogging and it’s crazy how blogging in some ways keeps me accountable, and to be honest, happy. So as much as I love everyone who reads my blog, I decided to start again for myself.
There is so much to catch you guys up on and I am a little overwhelmed with where to start!! I’m going to break everything down a little so you get a sense of where I’ve been, where I’m at, and where I’m going :)
I had an AMAZING sophomore year. This year was the first time I’ve felt like a “normal” college student. Although I still definitely struggled with my eating disorder (I’ll fill you in on that in a bit), I went out with my friends, ate SO many fear foods, laughed a TON, and had some amazing experiences.
Punta Cana for spring break with all my best friends!!!!
So basically, I’ve been actually living. Of course there were not so happy times but overall I am so thankful for all the amazing things I did this year.
Whoever said that the hardest part of recovery comes when you’re weight restored is completely, 100% right. Physically, I appear to be completely healthy and normal. But mentally, as much as I want to think I am, I’m not. Body image is the biggest struggle for me. Worst of all, I’ve dealt with some over-eating and uncontrolled eating as a result of my loooooong period of restriction. At a certain point I wanted to give up, but now I realize that if I want to feel good and happy, I need to take care of myself. I need to do what makes me happy and eating well and regularly exercising (but not in a manner that makes me exhausted) makes me happy (along with being social with my friends of course (the most important!!!)). Even though I want to act carefree and like most of my friends, I’m finally starting to accept that I’m just not exactly the same and I’m fine with it! I can still go out and be with everyone, I just need to make sure I’m taking care of myself. I’m finally feeling hopeful and in control and I realize that in order to be truly recovered, I need to get into a healthy eating pattern. I saw a nutritionist to get a meal plan again and I’ve been trying my best to follow it! It can be hard but it is what I need so that food is no longer something stressful or a source of guilt. Food is GOOD and we need food so I want to enjoy it and not see it as the enemy anymore. I’ve also accepted that my eating disorder is about more than food, and that realization has helped me figure out what I really need to do to let go of it and what exactly causes me to act out disordered behaviors.
This summer I’m staying in MADISON!!!! I go to school here but from Ohio so this is my first time on my own in the summer. I’m subletting an apartment, taking a 3 week class, and working as an undergraduate research assistant in a psych lab (I’m a psych major). So far the experience has been amazing and I love living in an apartment with my best friends. I also can cook which is a HUUUGE plus, so hopefully I’ll have some fun/easy/cheap meals to show you guys!
Here’s a little preview of a “healthy” shrimp fried rice recipe!!
What I want from my blog
I want to show people how to live a balanced life in college! I go out and can be completely crazy but I am also health-conscious and that is completely ok. It is starting to work for me now that i’ve accepted that it is the way I am. My main priority is finally taking care of myself and I’m trying to stop worrying so much about everyone else’s opinion. I also am on a budget so I hope to show you all how to make some cheap & easy meals in college! Basically, I want to share my experiences, struggles, and advice and I hope you’ll all follow along :)
Thank you all so much for your comments & e-mails! It honestly means the world to me.
1) Is there anything specific you want to see on my blog that you either liked before or haven’t seen yet?
Until next time!!